Dear Diary...How Low I Am ...Tuesday eve into Wednesday morn

5:55 p.m. Tuesday, April 13th. Jill calls....ma have you boiled the water for the spaghetti yet, she says with heavy speech...
Told her when she left at 3 something she didn't tell me to start the water boiling . . Will you feed Logan a good supper for me... of course I will I replied. What are you going to eat, I asked.. I'll eat when I come home, she replied back.
I said, I'm going to worry because you have your car.. I know...you always worry when I'm driving.
Don't worry, I'm with my friends..she says. What kind of a life do you think I have Jill.... .I know mom she says..love you.   Love you too, I replied.   Love you more, she replied back. That is something she always says after someone she loves tells her they love her. 
So the water is on the stove boiling and I am stewing.
When she left without saying where she was going I thought it was to KMart to get needed supplies for Logan's school project... Deep down I hoped that was it... Earlier Logan  and his classmate were discussing things they needed with her.... stencils, pulley, etc.  Feeling blue... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Butchie just called and asked for her. Knew she was making a spaghetti supper.. Told him how she sounded, where she was . He is going to go get her home.. sometimes she resists leaving. A scene insues. Sometimes he gets barred so I told him not to get himself in trouble.
As I was draining the spaghetti Logan said...." is my mom coming home" and in the next breath he said " it sure don't look like it."  After we ate he called Butchie to ask him if he knew where his mom was. Was told she would be home soon.. Minutes ago she called.... was 7:15 p.m. sounding even worse than she did at 5:55.
Mom, did Logan eat... she managed to get out. Sure did, I replied. Mom you know I love you...Love you too.
Then her socializing friend was on the phone (who sounded 100% better than my daughter ) to let me know she was at her house. Keeping her there and wanted to let me know she is safe. DiDi usually gets sloshed...must have work tomorrow. Works so many days on & so many off...that type of work schedule. Thanked her repeatedly for doing what she did... My mind is at ease.... for now.  Logan was none the wiser about his mother's drinking until  this past year. Many times I have told her that she is robbing Logan of the beautiful childhood memories she gave  to her other 2 sons. Nothing sinks in. NOTHING!
Butchie & Jill walked through the door together at 9:30 p.m., just as I was getting Logan into bed.  She looked at me and said..."thanks mom ", then walked stiff legged to her room. She herself was still STIFF..he on the other hand was not. Earlier in the day she told me that he was running for some office at the Moose. Meeting was 7-10. Have seen & heard him when he was loaded.... wish she looked as good as he did when they came in.  Butchie bantered with Logan..had him laughing. Moi emptied the sauce pan into containers to put in the freezer, washed the pan... Now I am going to lay my head down for the night. Jill isn't my only worry. Some have their own problems they are going through.  Things tend to run through my head long into the night.
Just like all you folk out there, we all walk a rocky road ... Sometimes we walk into a boulder & have to get around or over it..  Will put more words down here in the morning. G-nite.

04/14/10 6:30 a.m.   As she passed by me while I was pouring my coffee, she made this comment: " I feel pretty good for the amount of alcohol I drank last night."        No comment....
Minutes later she said. " I can't believe you found the room for all that sauce in the freezer." Neither can I, I said. " I worried all night that you had put it outside or in the shed.' ... No comment.
When I just went for a refill heard her say to Butchie, " so just what responsibilities does a Junior Governor have?  Do you have to be there for every meeting?" He said, "well I get free drinks" and was chuckling before he finished the sentence. She: " you're fucking delusional !" Both had a good laugh over that.
Yesterday she had told me that if he was elected he would have to take Sunday off to be installed. Didn't sound happy that he was digging himself further in debt when he should be working his 2 scheduled work days a week, plus all the overtime he can get.
Every year he organizes a deep sea fishing trip. Booked the date already...more $$. Moi doesn't  believe that  weekly Pool Tournament comes free of charge either. If not here in the house, the time they spend together is in a bar or resturant/bar. Won't be long that he will again throw how much money he spends on her. Sure as hell isn't on gifts of jewels,clothes, car insurance. Booze and food...period!
Maybe my way of thinking is wrong!  Hubby worked all the over-time he could get. Not saying he didn't stop sometimes for a few beers. He did !  Drank beer at home too. Can honestly say that I have only seen him falling down drunk just once. I shit you not!  Him being a full blooded Irishman, I know you find it hard to believe. The temper more than makes up for that. trust me on that one.
 When he wasn't at work, he was making repairs , re-modeling the house or working in the yard. Had no hobbies....to be fair, work & the house took up all his time... Now.... it really sucks because he only has the tv to pass his time. He could sit and use his hands. He does do small repairs for Logan's toys ..is real good at using glue. LOL Every Spring it's his job to put the batteries in the solar lights and mine to place them where I want them in the yard. Repeated in the reverse in late Fall. He's one hellofa foreman. I shit you not!  Always telling me how I should do this or that. Last Friday when I took him to the chiropractor he noticed the last front step going down is breaking apart again. Kid# Randy was standing there.... they began to discuss the repair job needed. Randy proposed his ideas to him on fixing it, hubby thought maybe it didn't need to be done quite the way Randy was describing he would do. " You want to fix it yourself !!!", Randy said as he walked away. Randy doesn't want to put a band-aid on it. He's my perfectionist.
Like the crawl space cellar as an example: 5 tons of lime stone is spread around down in the flooding water area.  Heard how thick it is...have forgot. Every time he took off to get another ton, hubby would say to me, " why so much?" Told him I didn't care how much he used as long as the problem was solved .. no more walking in mud.  Neither hubby nor I will be the ones to go down there when the circumstance arises to.
Last time hubby went down that drop under the bulkhead, moi had a bitch of a job getting him  up & out. Thought I was going to have to call for HELP!  I shit you not! Think we were cleaning the lint out of the pipe coming from the dryer.  Now... Randy has built up cinder blocks to resemble steps. With no railings, hubby still will not be able to descend down there.  Moi won't even attempt it.
That's why I have kids.... lol at my joke. 
Elementary school is approximately 8 house lots up and over a creek away. School starts at 8 a.m. Logan just headed up the street.
Randy called. Coming after his gastro appt. at 10a.m. to apply cement where the new bulk head & foundation meet. Wanted to know if I had a trowel to apply it.  I do, I do. Must get my arse in gear and head to the back shed to find it. He doesn't like delays... He mentioned the front step... needed chicken wire to hold the cement, blah,blah,blah. Cut him short..told him," do it your way."
Everything that needed to be put away in the back yard before the snow flew was piled into the shed.
Needs to all be pulled out.   Moi has a job to do... I shit you not!
That's All Folks!