What wonderful friends I have :0)

Every one of you said the Right Thing. Thank you , every single one of you  FOR BEING YOU! I shit you not!
Today ( being the day after ), I think Ed and I have a better understanding of what's needed if this relationship is to continue. COMMUNICATION! ASAP COMMUNICATION. Do Not let minutes pass. SILENCE is NOT GOLDEN! I shit you not!
Going to bed pissed off, miffed, feeling rejected, dejected, unrequited, hurt, and all those other adjectives isn't for making a strong BOND.
I withdraw and give less Cement and short change the both of us. I'm a Witch! I admit it.
While I realize that no one is perfect and no two people think the same, I still have my expectations of what I can live with and live without. Story book crap...or not.
THIS doesn't sound good, but I know that Ed needs me more in his life than I do him. He has never had it "this good" ( his words ) and he's delighted that "old Willy" isn't completely broke. ME TOO! ;0)  It's wonderful to feel loved and cherished ( me talking now ), I shit you not!
I looked at  him with my eyebrows drawn yesterday and asked him if his wife was ever too tired for sex. "Oh yeah, and me too", he says. Guess I need to say, "I'm tired" when he gets amourous. I'm afraid that now that he has found "old Willy" isn't completely broke, that passing up a chance to use it, is a bummer and he has admitted as much. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the Honeymoon Stage. It has it's plusses and minuses. I shit you not!
My late husband and I lived as married ( for the kids ears )for ten years before we made it legal so to speak.  I knew what I HAD TO DEAL WITH as did he and if in ten years Ed and I are still together....maybe ....maybe,maybe.
Not saying never, but I'm not a "Starry Eyed Girl " any longer and haven't been in a long, long time.
I see no benefit to marriage ( sadly or not ). Yes, he's said he wants to marry me, which makes me feel guilty that I don't want that and say, no. Not that GUILTY though.
He met and married his wife in four short months and no, she wasn't pregnant like people thought. He was twenty and she was twenty two. Their first, came sixteen months later.
He holds women in high esteem. His late mother imparted alot about how to treat a woman into him as a young man. Unfortunately for him, the few girlfriends he had and put up on a pedestal ...moved on to another guy and he is still wondering...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? I cared for her so much and I treated her with respect, he says.   Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll... that may have been the problem. Speaking for myself, I wanted more than holding hands and a goodnight peck  to know a guy cared about me... a passionate kiss would be more like it and...a feel. I was one of those things people called "a bad girl." Well Hell, I think you knew that about me. ;0) Seven kids by the time I was twenty three. Oldest will be 60 in October of next year and I'll be 76. If you haven't done the math already...wellllllllllllll.
It has been uncomfortable at times to have to show him what turns a woman on....but it's
 been worth it. :0)  He wants to please and is not embarrassed to let you know that he is now going into sites ( like Cosmopolitan ) that has articles on how to please your mate. Most men...think they know it all and are close minded.  He knows the mechanics of many, many things and can get long winded in his explanations to me, but damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....sex isn't one of them. He's a "quick learner" THOUGH. :0)

In my anger in the middle of the night ( I didn't sleep a wink )after he dropped me off at my house....I signed up and paid for another 3 months of a seniors dating service. The same one I found Ed on.
I act in haste ....not my best attribute. Redeeming grace was that for some reason my credit card wanted confirmation by phone that I signed up for this $39 and some odd cent contract and I didn't return their call. Jill called me to ask if I used my credit card during the night and I told her I did. The message was on the house phone from Master Card services.
Meeting a man in a bar is not my cup of tea at my age and ....yes I'll admit it...I am one of those women that likes a man in her life. Yeah, yeah, I can do things for myself....but a damned sex toy will NEVER REPLACE the real McCoy. I shit you not!

(((hugs)))

 

 

P.S. Take NOW for example. Ed comes in from pushing a snowblower for an hour and a half ( he does the widows across the street too )(7 inches overnight) and says, "I feel so exhillerated right now. My blood is racing through me and I have the love of a beautiful woman who shows me so much love that I am near tears and could cry. "
Folks...most men would not show their vunerability ...as he does. None of my men ...did. Ed shows it often. Good,bad or indifferent, that part of me is...holding back.

That's All Folk!  Daffy is signing out. ;0)

I've just woken from a nightmare. I shit you not!

During the course of the day yesterday Ed and I shared many intimate moments.
We danced to his stereo after we re-arranged his livingroom like he has wanted to for awhile now ( it was nice to be included and asked to put my touches to it ), we kissed, we touched, we felt. we talked in depth at times. All WAS GOOD!
Going on towards 6 p.m. I felt I needed to shower before bed and did. Put on pajamas and returned to sit in the livingroom as we normally do in our respective lounge chairs with our lap tops.
Just an every day normal evening before bed.
Close to 8 p.m., (his normal time to retire to bed )I said I was ready to turn in.  He had forgot to turn the warming blanket on the bed on and while he was cleaning up in his bathroom, I dived in bed with my jammies on.
When he came to bed he mentioned me wearing pj's and I kissed and nuzzled him playfully and kiddingly told him the honeymoon was over. He stiffened up. I removed my bottoms and left the top on thinking that he would remove it. WRONG!
He mutters something about when the woman says there will be no bedroom antics or something to that effect that it's the woman that calls the shots. Some crazy shit like that.
I removed my top. LIKE A FOOL, I must admit now!
He still remains silent and not moving after I asked him for a kiss and he complied. . Like WTF! Perplexed and beginning to get pissed off now....., I rolled over and faced away from him. Two fucking hours we lay there ( both awake.) Then he turned the tv on low. Fifteen minutes or so later ( I'm beginning to seethe by then ) he shuts the tv off, dresses and leaves the room. I take this opportunity to put my pj's on as a signal to him when he returns that there will be no touchy feely now PERIOD.  I'm too fucking old to play mind games. I shit you not!
He returns another ten minutes or so later, slips into bed ( dressed ) and asks me, "are you awake?" "Yup" , I answered curtly. "You want me to take you home", he asks. "Yup", I answered just as curtly, to which I added that I was too old for games. His reply was, "you don't have to explain anything to me."
Silently I gathered my purse, my meds and a few other small incidentals. Threw on my coat over my pj's and headed to leave. He asked me if I knew where his cell phone was. I nicely told him and pointed to where it sat on his coffee table. "Thank you", he says and out to his car we go. It's 11:25 p.m. FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????? INSANITY!
Neither of us spoke on the way home. My mind was saying, "I can't believe this shit!"
We pull into my driveway at 12:35 a.m. and there sits a pickup truck. Looked like I had another confrontation on my hands. SOAB! I ask him what a good time it would be for me to return for my belongings today was. "Anytime is good", he answers in a soft voice. He starts to talk...about us...about the Whine Bucket being here ( he suspected as much that Jill was letting him back in )and I needed to follow through on throwing his ass out, etc.,etc.  In our conversation I let him know that I meant nothing by wearing pj's and didn't I behave playfully, etc., etc. Yes, he admitted, but said "you don't joke about our love." Gimmee a fucking break here............WTF!
Asked if I wanted to return to Natick with him and I told him I did. Then he tells me I need to get rid of the whine bucket first. I told him if I went inside and embarrassed myself as to explain why I came home in the middle of the night, I would stay home. He tells me that "I am an enabler." "Yes, I am", I said, but I can let Jill know that I knew his truck was there in the morning and go from there. Again I heard the word "enabler" and I reached for my things with one hand and the car door with the other. He asked if I would be coming back out and I told him "no."
Up the front steps I went ( Ed turned his high beams on so I could see better ) and I tried to unlock the door. NO GO! Pounded on grandson Gil's bedroom window again and again. Dogs begin to bark. Next I began to ring the doorbell and the dogs went crazy barking. I kept pressing the doorbell. FINALLY, I hear Jill coming to open the door. Ed was still waitng for me to get inside. Jill opened the door and I saw a male figure there in the darkened livingroom with her and told him to get the fuck out. Ut oh...it was George and old boyfriend of hers. I told him I had thought he was Butchie and turned to catch Ed before he left the driveway. Walked back out to his car which was now at the end of the driveway and told him it was George an ex boyfriend inside. (Whether he believed it or not, I don't care.) Then he asked if I had a kiss for an old fool and I leaned inside and kissed him like I meant the kiss and the tears began. He asked if I would change my mind and go back with him to his place. I told him,no". I told him I have been hurt for most of my life and I was not going to die being hurt. Love shouldn't hurt, I told him and I walked away.
I am the kind of person that internalizes. I don't yell and swear. I'd like to think that I can get over this and continue what we had, but I have my doubts. Serious doubts. I shut doors in my heart when I'm hurt by a man. That way..the pain is less bearable.  So, I'd like to think..anyway. Hurt is HURT!
NEXT...........I notice Jill's car missing and I ask. Gil snuck off with it. Right away my BP shot up and when I heard he took her ATM card as well, it went up even higher. Now I begin to sound like a raving maniac telling her that I can't take much more of this shit. Told her I wanted to leave for parts unknown and have her brother in FL sell the house. This shit has to end, I told her. OH! Did I forget to mention that she had a red solo cup on the table when she let me inside ( which she proceeded to drink?) No, I didn't. Did I! 
George is another LUSH! He sits drinking beer at the VFW from 10 am. to 5 p.m. DAILY! Then DRIVES!
I hear her on the phone and it sounds like she is talking to her son Gil. I inquired once she hung up. She left him a message that if he wasn't back with her car and ATM card PRONTO that she would report her car missing.
It's 1:30 a.m. now. He came home. I heard from her that he took whatever amount of money she had in the bank out. He came into my room and hugged me and told me he was sorry for the hurt he has caused me. Told me that he loved me and I told him I loved him, but I can't take much more of his shit. Then...she asked me about the long letter she is seeing up on my computer screen as I am busily pounding away at the keys and I told her it was my journal. "Can your children read it someday" she asks. I told her no cause they wouldn't like what they read. I told her the pain some of them have given me goes beyond HURT and I or no mother deserves the pain they keep inflicking on me emotionally.
I'm sitting here wondering how all this transpired... There have been times in these past few hours that I felt more pissed off than others...yelling out loud that if I want to wear two fucking bathrobes on top of my pajamas to bed, I WILL!
I should not have to explain why I do...what I do...to no one and damn it, I won't!
Yeah...I'm hurt. Better to be hurt than sorry later....so the saying goes.
Pea...you were right. I rushed into this too fast, but damned it felt good while it lasted.
I feel like such a damned fool for being so vunerable. I'm going to miss it all if I close my heart to him. It was beginning to feel ALL THAT and MORE.
Oh Hell... I've let everything slide to spend more time with him. Yeah, it's true that his house is more comfortable ...and PEACEFUL, but I do miss my shit house in distress....at times . Maybe this is for the best, but right now it doesn't feel like it.
Posting this is going to be hard. Those of you that are my friends ...know just how hard.
(((hugs)))

Gil is still up and awake heating food in the microwave at 2:16 a.m. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!.
Yeah! I need my head examined. I shit you not!
That's All Folks!
It's 7a.m. Ed has emailed me and called. I'm heading to Natick to see if we can talk this out.
THIS TIME!

Damn,Damn, DAMN,Damn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean that in a Good Way. I shit you not!
This isn't a kiss and tell. This is "the morning after." ;0)
No complaining and not bragging, but three hours of bonding,foreplay and love making and a short interlude this morning has me all aglow at 7 a.m. Ahem! Him too!
He is adept at what to do with breasts (insanity... here I come)....kisses taste like more and is a willing learner in every other area. Asks questions about my body parts and what turns me on. THIS, I've never experienced. The men I've been to bed with were never talkers. Never ,ever showed their vulnerability .
After last night....I better not hear him shoot himself down! I shit you not!
He has hangups on what's naughty and nice, ie: oral on him and can't understand why a woman would put THAT in her mouth, etc. My explanation must have been good, because he confessed last night that he now likes oral, 49% which leaves 51 % somewhere or somewheres else.
It was powerful to hear him say that he felt like he was higher than a kite ......and I was floating right up there with him. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
Hey................not bad for 80 and 75 year olds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's great to be alive and FEEL out of this world. . I shit you not!
I still have my Caution Flags up,holding back so to speak,  but hope to be able to take them down and LOVE 100%.
(((hugs)))


That's All Folks!

Guessing......

that I may have to change my intro down the road as of late.....I haven't been "long winded" .
That isn't so bad...is it.  ?????????????????????????? No sense looking for trouble.
Oh the usual things are going on at home, minus ONE. The whine bucket has stayed away. She isn't answering his calls, but he is sending texts she tells me and I'm sure she is reading them.
I will not be swayed into letting him enter my home again if my daughter Jill ever asks!
Her car ( my old Taurus ) is leaking something in my driveway and the freeze plug is gone ( I'm assuming ) as she get no heat in it. Looks like I'll be putting money into that. sighhhhhhh

I have a phone call appointment for ten a.m. this morning with my insurance agent. They want to tape my version as to how the accident went down. The other driver is claming that I hit him.


Ed and I have spent two nights now in my home. The squirrel running on the wheel all night and my chihuahua snoring up at my head didn't scare him away. Nor did Grandson Gil being UP and ABOUT til midnight in and out of the bathroom and fridge and nuking food stuff. 
It was me thast was irrated as he didn't finish his big fat center cut pork chop and one hour later was nuking a damned Hot Pocket and it was ME that he kept awake. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
   Recently he took his mother's good watch off the turn table on the kitchen table while she showered and when she went searching after thorougly looking through everything on said turntable...he made like he found it there ( like she missed it.}
WHEN...will this end!
She found out ( from him ) what he took from his dad's house last time he broke in. An IPad or something like it with sexually explicit photos of his dad and his dad's wife Julie. IF you remember, I believe I wrote in a post where I was told by one of my sons, who got the info from his son that is still friends with the ex SIL from Hell that he and his wife belong to a Swingers Club. Personally...I am laughing my ass off. NO damned wonder that he doesn't want his wife to find out that these photos are MISSING. :0) Too funny! He took  my grandson to the house that he sold it to. I'm hoping to hear it was too late to buy it back. Serves the SOB right for all the Hell he has caused in my and my daughter's lives.

Daughter Jill still holds in her hand a red solo cup ( with rum and coke in it ) when Ed and I have been there at night. THAT hasn't changed. Which still gives me concern.  Being away from my home makes the stress more bearable. Which ISN'T RIGHT! I shit you not! She still sees a therapist or whatever she is called (weekly). I'm so looking forward to when my daughter gets healthy. Not holding my breath though. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Second GUESSING.............
As this day has progressed..it's after 2 p.m. I find myself at odds with my inner self. Ed and I were each in our laptops reading Cosmo  X amount of ways to please your man...or something like that and I get an email from him saying, "I'm sorry that I don't meet your Standards. I emailed him back..."?????????????WTF?????????????? " and within minutes sent another asking him what the hell my Standards were. He hasn't read them yet.
Here I am thinking things are going along quite swimmingly and then THIS! Like WTF!
He tells me that I am his Soul Mate, his Princess , his everything. He bares his soul to me and is sincere, but his insecurities are a turnoff. I shit you not!
As he passed by me a minute ago, he said " you humble me." Like WTF does that mean? I give!
I am not...AM NOT going to have to second guess our or my words and actions. Yeah...things are good between us.....even better than good, but I won't play this game.
He knows better than to pout as I have told him that I don't like it one iota and asked me if I would leave him if he continued his old ways. I told him resoundedly,"YES." "I'd better change my ways "is what he said to that. YEPPER! He doubts me that I care for him. I do care, but I put up a WALL as soon as his ugly green monster raised it's head. Testing how much I CARE is not a good thing to do. I shit you not! 
If I want to lose myself in my computer or read or knit or whatever....it is not a sign that I am distant, don't care enough to pay attention to his words, rather be doing something else than giving him my full attention, etc.,etc.
I have told him that I am just being MYSELF ( for whatever that means ) and he don't GET IT!
He gets hurt too easy.   Wellllllllllll. I'm sorry, but I AM ME and HE IS HE!
Beginning to think maybe I moved into this relationship much too fast and while he will be heartbroken if I leave him ...I need to bring things to the Front and Center. Soonnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Maybe . I am not comfortable or know how to accept being threated like a Prncess.
I'm just not comfortable being treated as well as he treats me and his insecurities don't help the situation.  I have always had a man with a stronger more assertive personality and didn't like that either. There is NO PLEASING MOI! sighhhhhhhhhhh

Looks like I had more to say than I thought I did.
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

It's finally here!

JOY to the world! No shit!

(((hugs)))Pat


That's All Folks!

The SHIT hasn't ended! :0(

Ed and I went to my house Tuesday so I could gather up my car insurance info and my Ginger , along with all her baggage, ie; pet bed,carrier,food and bowls, leash, yadda,yadda,yadda.
Meanwhile, Jill had run the seven miles or so to the police station in the town where I had the accident to get the report and then on to the insurance company for the accident forms required to be filled out after which you make FOUR copies. I'm still plugging away at filling these forms out. They are as involved as your income tax papers. I shit you not!
Before leaving....I went into my purse to give Jill money to buy Christmas gifts for her two oldest, (Ryan 31 and Gil 22) as I had already purchased online the 1K laptop that her youngest Logan ( age 13 ) asked for. He has been told that after this Christnas there will be no BIG gifts. Santa has to watch her finances now. As for myself, I put gift cards in some grands and cash in others in the amount of $25. This too will be coming to an end for the ones over eighteen, which is all but three grands.
Those in their 20's and 30's should understand.
I had counted my money before I left Ed's and had $320 in crisp new 2o dollar bills from an ATM machine. HAD is the key word here. Only had $240 in my wallet. Like WTF!!!! 
You guessed it...I SURE AS HELL DID...I left my purse on the kitchen table UNATTENDED.
Grandson GIL stole from me AGAIN. :0(  Jill was sick and hurt that he woud do this to me AGAIN. I am the one that provides for him and this is how he repays me,she told him.
After I left Jill tried to get him to admit he took the money and he played mind games with her. Eventualyl he admitted tto taking ONLY TWENTY.More mind games he played on her, ie; like when do you think I took it. Another was, and how.
Like WTF does it matter??????????? Is this how they ) the guilty ) shift things off onto another subject?
She began taking her nerve pills. Ones she hadn't had to take for awhile.
THEN she left the house to go buy a bottle of rum and while she was gone he took off.
When I called her she was drinking her rum, had locked and barricaded the doors and was determined to not let him in. She was bawling her heart out to me and I tried as best I could to calm her down. She hadn't eaten either. sigh!
The whine bucket was working his 24 hour shift and earlier she told me about the crap he had pulled on her the night before (which thoroughly pissed me off. ) She had bought HIM,Gil and herself a pack of cigarettes before she went to her grandson's first birthday party and when she came home HE had smoked all of his and wanted hers. She told him NO. With that, he withdrew a cigarette from her pack and sneered at her as he lit it and blew the smoke in her face.
I was LIVID when I heard this. I shit you not!
It was HERE AND THEN that I decided he HAD TO GO and asked her if she wanted me to tell him he was no longer wanted in my house. "Would you", she said hopefully.
Six thirty a.m. Wednesday found Ed and I up and on our way to my home, so as to be there in time for when the whine bucket gets out of work and to my door around 8a.m. 
He came....I walked out the door with daggers in my eyes and said, "you are no longer to come to my house. If you do, I will get a restraining order." he said "really.???" I said "REALLY." With that I handed him his engagement ring and he quipped," that's all I came for," Then he looked up at Jill standing in the doorway and said, " thanks for everything!" Turned on his heel and walked to his truck.
Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Gil was at some girls house in another town( she was a druggie and has gone clean) yeah right!!!!
She went to pick him up. As of yesterday she isn't able to do TOUGH LOVE on her son. sighhhhhh
I can't do that for her !!!!!

I have so damned much on my mind. These damned forms are driving me crazy. There are things that I need to do and things I much rather do. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Some of my kids want to see me. Going out to dinner tomorrow ( Ed and I ) with my #2 child (son Larry) and his significant other Sombay ( a peach). Chrsitmas Day will be spent visiting his daughter Sandy in Salem,NH. Want to get to Kohls and buy Ed a nice warm robe for Christmas. He has none and thsi he can use.  I shit you not!
I've started a crib afghan that is my own pattern as a gift to one of his grand daughters that I have met in TN and is expecting her first child in May.
My dog Ginger isn't acclimated to her new surroundings and when she roams I get nervous that she will use the rug to pee if she doesn't remember where her box to pee in is now.
There is so, so much more that I could write about. TIME, MORE TIME is all I need.
Ed suggested we go to Mike's grave before we left and we did. Later we went to his mothers and his wifes graves. He took me to a nice restaurant and we had shrimp scampi for lunch. YUM!  :0)
The minutes and hours roll by so fast. I shit you not!
My daughter Cheryl thinks the world will be ending (Mayan calander thingie) and wants to see me to give me my gift tomorrow. She was almost in tears when she was on the phone with me last night. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I give, I GIVE, I GIVE UP!
TICK,TICK,TICK!
If I don't post again before Christmas...A happy one to you all. (((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Shoulda stayed in bed! Came back home Thursday. Friday I was at home, minding my own business and

son Randy happened to call. Long story short, he decided that I needed his girlfriend to come and keep me company while I shopped. (A 20 mile drive for Debbie)
Yes.. he could tell that I was feeling down, but I was FINE. Got my nails done a pretty red color, did a little shopping and 5 p.m. crept up on me, so I decided to treat Debbie to a meal at the 99 Restaurant before she went home.
Leaving the parkinglot at 6 p.m. ..half way out onto the road, a pickup truck came from my right and ....you guessed it.  It was like it happened in slow motion.  The car rocked as the male driver was making his turn into the parkinglot that I was exiting. He has a six inch or so scrape of my car paint on his right rear drivers side panel near the end of his truck and I sustained more damage all to the front drivers side. Right away he gets out of his truck and tells me that he has called the police. I hit him he says and his wife is 8 months pregnant and is having contractions. All I replied was,"so soon."
Translated means....THAT FAST??? Fire engines came, ambulance came, police came. 
I'll leave who was at fault up to the insurance agents. I believe he was. It is what IT IS. I didn't get upset. Kept my cool.
My fried shrimp dinner was good. 0)
Got home and called Ed to tell him about it. He was aleady in bed and  asked if he could come get me and I agreed.  On our drive back to Natick, he said to me," the sun didn't come up for me this morning until 6:30 tonight. HUH??? He explained that the sun didn't shine for him because I wasn't with him until 6:30 p.m.  awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww 
He says the sweetest things and they are spoken from his heart. Once back to his house we had that heart to heart talk. He said, " sweetheart, I said I didn't want a dog in MY life, I didn't say that you ouldn't have one. If you want your dog, that's fine with me." "Bring her here. I want you to be happy"
Last night he told me he wanted to marry me. I have to admit that I care for him deeply,BUT I'm not ready for marriage yet.  I declined. Maybe in time.  As I said, I care for him deeply and sometimes it scares me. I'm not use to being treated good and told that I am beautiful. I keep expecting this dream to end.

Heard from my daughter Cheryl that my daughter Jill got shit faced last night. Looks like nothing has changed at home. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

In my heart of hearts, I know that all the advice given was well intended.

YOU ALL are right! Thank you for being you. xoxoxoxoxo
I just don't have the heart to hurt anyone. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The BALL is in my park, as the saying goes.
I'm hoping that by spending some time in my own home, I will find my way whether it be with Ed or without. That's where I am today and that's where I'll be tomorrow.
Sunday, I will go back to Natick for a few days and then leave for home again.
Who knows....maybe he is THE ONE for me afterall, but I need some space to figure it all out. Time..will tell. I shit you not!

THIS does not feel like the Christmas season to me. NO MIKE.
No young kids in my home Christmas morning. Grandson Logan is living at his dads. I have always known that when he reached the age of thirteen he would sucuumb to his dad ...just as grandson Gil did at that age. A boy wants to be with his dad...plain and simple.            Nothing feels the same. sighhhhhhhhhhh
Lots of adjusting ...lots of adjusting. :0(

Grandson Gil sees a couple of therapists during the work week. No bed ever became available. At least not as of today. Tomorrow he and his mother work catering a wedding. He has been drug free. You won't hear me CHEER yet. You need more than seeing a therapist as an outpatient to get that monkey off your back. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My longer than I have lived here next door neighbor has the worst form of skin cancer. :0( Is having chemo,etc. every day and will have alot of his nose removed on Dec.22nd. Art is around 80. sighhhhhhhhhh  Life isn't fair.
I haven't watched tv today, but have been seeing stuff on FaceBook. Just asked Jill about it and she tells me 28 people died and most were small children. Here I've been whining and I have nothing to complain about. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! I shit you not!

Before the tears start to fall, I will take my leave and head to bed with Ginger. It's ten p.m. It's time.
(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!

What's wrong with me???????????????????

I've always wanted to hear from a man that I cared about..."PRETTY WORDS."
NOW...I have them...lots and lots of them ....and............................................?????
There isn't a day that goes by that Ed doesn't tell me he loves me....many,many, times.
I hear "I'm the luckiest man alive." I hear," Mike was a lucky man." I hear,"You are beautiful." I hear,"You are every mans dream." I hear," You take my breath away." I hear,You are the best thing that ever happened to me." I hear," I love to hold you." I hear,"You feel so soft" as he caresses me.
I hear,"You are soooooooo special." I am carressed, my hair is stroked as we lay side by side in bed, we talk ( in depth about  meaningful things to us in a relationship, HE knows how to excite me sexually, he wants to please me sexually and has learned quick that there are other ways than intercourse to do that. HE prefers the feel of a vagina over oral ( even though his E.D. limits an erection,( but admits that's pretty damn good too, now that he has experienced it.) YES...I know...this is The Honeymoon Stage of our relationship and while it's damned nice to have someone show his affection and bare his soul to you...I have apprehensions and can't let myself totally fall. I don't want to be hurt AGAIN! I don't want any man to be able to make me cry. WHich...in not giving of myself completely means, I will be cheating myself.  I shit you not!
I do not like some things....like when he apologizes to me over and over again IF he thinks he has said something wrong. I have told him, "ONE I'm sorry ...is enough. He's moody. He takes my words and misconstrues them. THEN I have to explain my words ..........and I feel irrated. THIS is where the "I'm sorry's" come into play.
When I left to come home yesterday he was almost near tears.
When we talked on the phone before his bedtime...his "I miss you's" had him saying that he better hang up before he cried. 
I want to be someone's ALL, but I don't want to be NEEDED to make someone else happy. ???????????????????????????????????  Am I making any sense????????????????????????
He has saved every email (love letter) that I sent to him. Sweet, huh!
Oh, I do care alot about him, but for some reason...I am holding back and being cautious. In doing so...I feel I am giving him less than what he gives me. Does this make any sense to you????? Me neither!
Now that I have re-read what I just wrote....I'm thinking.....it's my dog thing. If Mike could love me and accept my seven kids as his own...THAN Ed can accept my dog. While we have talked about how I feel about my dog (on our trip back to MA) he has not come out and said "bring her to my house." I told him she was a "forever dog." I told him that she is my responsibility, not Jill's.
NOW...if he thinks ( as I am thinking ) that I will chose HIM over my Ginger when it comes down to it...HE IS MISTAKEN!
Sooooooooooooooooo...in retrospect.....I am thinking that I care about him more than I am admitting and don't want to put his back up against the wall and possibly lose him, but on the other hand ...I wouldn't be happy being with him with the knowledge that I had to make a choice between him and my dog.

It's 6:15 a.m. Ed is picking me up on his way to his daughter Sandy's in Salem,NH to retrieve his mail, take us both out to breakfast, do some shopping of his and take me to get a second ear piercing. That's all I want for Christmas, I told him when he asked, is that all?  It is! I shit you not!
After that...he will bring me home as I need to Christmas shop and do things around here ( like see some of my kids ). I will have to decide which day I want to go back to Natick and not let my emotions get the best of me when he says he misses me. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!

SkyRockets!!!!

Who said that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Like Hell you can't! I shit you not!
NOW...if only I can make him less tempermental and moody and,and,and.... find room for my dog in his life. SOON...we will have that discussion. The ball is in HIS PARK ...it's his call.
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

You know what thought gets you...don't you!

Dissapointment!
Went to bed last night feeling "on top of the world."
Woke around 4 a.m. and didn't hear any sounds coming from Ed. Dozed back off for twenty minutes or so and again came to and listened for movement or breathing from Ed only to be met with silence.
It was around 5 that I began to think...he might be lying dead beside me. :-0( Finally the urge to pee got the best of me and I rose. Noticed the bedroom door was shut....like...WTF.  Opened it and looked back ...only to spy an empty bed.
Where was Ed? ON THE EFFFIN COUCH watching tv. When asked...he spent the entire night there. Couldn't sleep because of something I said to him. Was even pondering going straight home, instead of going to visit his daughter in TN.
Like WTF.... all I said was "wait." Not NO, not NEVER.
After I explained my reason for saying "wait", he felt like a piece of SHIT and has been apologizing the entire day. He is ALSO BEAT from lack of sleep. He is remorseful. HE..I believe,also with good reason...( all the I'm sorrys I'm hearing )( all the I blew it) all the I'm a fool,  realizes he may have ruined things between us. I've told him to let it go....we all do things we are sorry for....just learn from it and go on. 
He admits that he is overly sensitive. Indeed HE IS!  He's bared his heart about hurts as a child and young man to me. His own father actually told him that he was an accident and wasn't wanted.
He was born in wedlock. His one and only sibling Florence was born out of wedlock which supposedly made her  the love child and wanted. THIS.... he was told by his father at a young age.  Like WTF! 

It's Wednesday now. Departure day is tomorrow in the early morning. I think Ed and I have a better understanding of each other. We have done alot of talking ....before and since and I think we are both on the right page. :0) He continues to surprise me. He is more sexual than I thought he was and is eager and willing to learn. E.D.does not mean that you loose your sex drive. :0)  He tells me he has never had the sex that we have together and because he's been so unknowledgeable about a woman's body......I believe him.  It's nice hearing him say that he is the luckiest man alive. It's nice to hear that I have a beautiful body. It's nice to be desired and it's nice to be told I Love You.  He can't understand how when I please him, I can get pleasure out of it...BUT he is learning.( I explained it ;0)  )  I like...I LIKE ..I shit you not!
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Don't cry for me Argentina

....and the rockets red glare; the bombs bursting in air............
You read between the lines ;0)    THIS... before the concert.


What an amazing, wonderful day it was! I shit you not!
Michael Boulton wasn't too hard to take either. ;0)

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Tonights the night......

to see Michael Bolton in concert. :0) Ed seems to be looking forward to it too. His youngest daughter (53) was quite surprised and pleased to hear he was going out of his comfort zone. Yep...we do like what we are familiar with and tend to get in a rut, myself included.
Yesterday we took off to find the jettys in Nakomis and Sharkys in Venice. Walked the jetty and later ate in Sharkys and walked the pier. It was a wonderful day and we had perfect weather. :0)
It's wonderful to hear ....."You are the best thing that has happened to me", "I'm so glad you are in my life", "Thank you for being you". Being called "precious", "sweetie""beautiful."
I can see.... a long term relationship with him. I shit you not! I find myself caring for him more and MORE. :0)
As one of you readers said....it may be that he himself wouldn't go and get himself a dog at this stage of his life, but he will accept mine being in our life together. I do feel...that  is true. One of these days I will bring Ginger to his house and..................................... see which way the land lays, so to speak.

He does like dogs. :0)

The days are passing too quick and soon we will be leaving here. :0(  For TODAY...I am going to savor the day, the weather and our time together.  (((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

WTF

Earlier when I logged into BLOGGER I HAD blogs that I followed. NOW I HAVE NONE listed. WTF!!!   And..what's THIS with  their fucking ads they have pop up every now and then? I did not solicit any ads, nor do I want any.

That said.... problems at home...STILL.  One of my checking accounts has been over drawn. TWO , not one, BUT TWO $35 dollar overdrawn fees. I have NEVER had to pay an overdrawn fee. Jill hit someones car ( how I do not know ) and paid that party off to satisfy their damage instead of them going through her  car insurance ( which would have made her insurance rate increase and also those nasty additional costs would have been on her insurance bill for AT THE VERY LEAST an additional seven years. Safe drivers credit would have been forfeited as well. 
She wrote a number of checks for a hundred CASH. Guess she thought the checking account I have her name on....was a bottomless pit. NOW she knows!
Meanwhile...I have my daughter Cheryl calling me needing MONEY. Her drivers license expired, no money for necessities, oil running low and no money for Christmas. While I know her situation is bad....I wonder how long I can keep helping her out before I get my own back up against the wall.
I'd like to be able to spend money on myself or whatever else I PLEASE TO without worrying about any of my kids.
What they fail to understand is...The GOLDEN GOOSE  passed away when my husband died.. I shit you not!

DIL Deb and my son gave us their tickets to see Michael Bolton at the Van Wezel Performaing Arts Hall in Sarasota this Friday as they will be in Vegas this Friday.  I love his music. Can't understand why I am not more enthusiatic about it. I showed Ed on UTUBE a preview of what he would be listening to and he seems fine with it. I can understand his aversion to RAP as I'm right up there with him. Loud head banging music...the same way. UGH!

Our plans are to leave here before daylight Dec. 5th and head to his daughters in TN. Spend a few days there and leave there either Sat. or Sunday for home. SHE ALSO is having financial difficulties. HAS BEEN. Now it's her car needing tires and repairs.  HE like ME will help some. He knows his daughter sometimes creates her own problems with her priorities.....as does my own daughter Cheryl.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

No HELP has come with the grandson Gil situation. Every morning ...EARLY.. Jill has him begin his calls to places to see if a bed is available. I SUSPECT thta once his health insurance kicks in on Dec 1st there just might be an empty bed. I hope so.

The off again on again situation with Whine Bucket still continues. Almost every day she tells him to get lost ...leave...get the fuck out! He leaves and comes back the next day. Last night he came and asked if she had any cigarettes. THREE , he was told. He smoked two of hers and bummed another from Gil..then went to bed. One hour later she entered her bedroom and lit a cigarette. He wakes and begings to complain. "All I smell is fucking cigarette smoke", he complains. She told him that she knew of a "fresh cigarette smoke" free house ( HIS ) and suggested in no uncertain terms that he go there. He dressed and left...bitching.  He smokes in his house and ours. Guess HIS cigarette smoke is scentless. Or so he thinks.    I told her last night that I CAN'T AFFORD HIM ANY MORE!
 I CAN'T!  NOR can I afford to feed Tracie every night like she seems to think.
I have to do some housecleaning when I get back home. I shit you not !   I do not want to hurt her feelings ( which I will ), but my own kids need my help. THEY come first. I am weak when it comes to putting my foot down......................................sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I sound BIG, just hope I follow through on my words. It's like ENOUGH ALREADY! I DID NOT sign up for this! 

ED...is trying. :0)  Slow and steady.... he keeps surprising me. ;0) ( I am now NOT the ONLY ONE intiating love making.    One of these days....just maybe.
He's talking again about seeing his doctor to see if there is some other help available for his ED.
Another STEP in the right direction!  What I find confusing is....how a man the age of 80 could be so sexually ignorant of a womans erotic zones. Oh..he is DEFINATELY a boob man, ( :0)  ), but I can't climax that way. Which leads me back to...Poor Myrtle. sighhhhhh   56 years.....:0( 
I've always been inhibited, but have loosend up due to the urgency. ;0)  Talking dirty( during sex)  has never ben my thing...but I just may have to learn to if I want to arouse him more. It's like..Pull out all the stops !!!   Whatever it takes............................. I am willing to do. For the BETTER of US!  I shit you not!

Babysitting great grandson Jaidan age 4 this coming Monday for a few hours. DIL Deb won't be here and his mom needs a sitter. He wants to go to the pool.....I did bring a bathingsuit ( haven't worn one in years ), but looks like come Monday, I will be. I can show off how I float. Don't move one muscle and can stay afloat for ages.  Can't everyone???   Shit floats.....  ;0)

 I for one am going to miss this temperature. It's 36 in Billerica right now and 76 here.
Another beautiful day.

(((hugs)))

 

That's All Folks!

Rehab Friday didn't happen :0(

Jill called after midnight as was told... and called and called. Live person answered after 6 a.m. and she was told there wass NO BEDS AVAILABLE!  AGAIN...she was told that the most likely time for an available bed for Gil would be on Monday morning. I can't even begin to tell you how low her morale is. She posted a plea for help,support and comfort on her Facebook page.  She is losing her own will to live. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Please pray that Gil gets a bed somewhere in a rehab. Thank you.
One of her friends sons overdosed Thanksgiving. Nineteen years old. So sad. Gil...will be 22 on December 7th................hopefully.  She tells me today that he only considers himself a recreational user. Yeah, RIGHT! 

As for myself.....it's not important enough to write about.  Some days I think things will work out between Ed and myself....and others???  I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I shit you not!
We did that karoke thing I mentioned with my son and DIL. HE enjoyed it and commented how much in a rut he has been. Seeing a 91 year old woman get up and sing after 10 p.m. may have woke him up. :0) All were ages 60's through their 90's. They danced, sang and were out past 8 p.m. ;0)
Ed danced with me a few slow songs up where our booth was. Wasn't brave enough to go on the dance floor, which was fine with me. HE CAN SLOW DANCE! :0)
NOW I need to find someplace back in his area that we can get out to and do the karoke thing. Not sing, but dance and sing along to the songs. THAT IS if he doesn't get back into his rut again.  Right now ...with the situation with Gil...it doesn't seem  all that important.
There's other STUFF going on in my life, but again...my thoughts have been mostly on the situation with Jill and Gil and I just don't have it in me to relate.
For now.....(((Hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Pass me a turkey sandwich,plz.....

Trust that everyone had a great meal yesterday.  Had a wonderful dinner cooked by my son. HE still is able to surprise me. Even knowing thatr my DIL Deb does not like to cook, I had always assumed that it was she that did the cooking on that day or most of it.
I was WRONG. Surprisingly so. :0)
He soaked the turkey (maybe even defrosted it ) (Ididn't ask) in brine water. MOIST unbelievingly MOIST. I shit you not!

No cooking at home for moi also means no leftovers for moi. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bah humbug!
We ate around 5:30 which left us traveling back to North Port after dark. Ed didn't sleep well the night before ( being in another strange bed and house.) Could be that their yorkie Shilow kept scratching on our door to be let in ...til finally I had to get up and let him in and he slept on the floor beside Ed. Grandson L.J. didn't come home , nor did grand daughter Corinne and he always bunks with one or the other. When hubby and I stayed there in the past, he sometimes slept IN BED with us.
Somehow...I don't think that Ed would be comfortable with that. :0(  ime...will te
It's 56 degrees here in North Port,Fl.  Ed turned the heat on.  Yeah,yeah, I know that you feel bad for us.  hahaha

Daughter Jill is planning a funeral for her son Gil. She caught him shooting up Thanksgiving morning. Emotionally she is at the end of her rope. Called her ex and asked him if he had $6,000 to put towards his funeral and he said he wouldn't spend a red cent towards it. She said to me on the phone today, "now I know where I stand."
And...now I know where I stand on this. It will be I that buries my grandson. I'm grateful that I am able to.
Today ( this a.m. ) IF he doesn't sign himself into a program ( his insurance from Medicaid has come through and pays for 3 months rehab ) SHE will go to court this afternoon and do what she has to do to get a judge to commit him.
She checked on him sleeping this morning and thought he was dead. His hands looked so gray. She said to me, "I almost wished he was" and broke down crying that she even thought that way. Told her I understood as when her brother ( my son ) Randy was in prison, I felt relief.  I dreaded the day he got out and to this day I know that he will end up back in prison some day for his stealing and have that heavy on my heart and mind for years now. It's alot of weight to carry. I shit you not!
Almost time to eat my Table Talk Turkey Pot pie and Stove Top dressing.
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Did you know that 25% of women would dump their boyfriend if their dog didn't like him.

While only 12% of men would do the same.
That's what was said on tv this morning and I know that it didn't just reach my ears. ;0)
This past week the subject of dogs/pets has been in the forefront on tv. Is it just a coincidence?
When the opportunity has risen, I added my voice to the positive commentary. :0)
We are going to my son and DIL's today and will spend the night.  Ed asked me about what dog belongs to who again and I told him the story about Sam ( the big dog ) that their daughter Corinne adopted when she was sharing an apartment with her then boyfriend while going to FSU in Tallahassee. THEN ...she came home...with the dog. Neither my son nor DIL were happy to have this dog come home with their daughter, (especially my son) as they have a Yorky and felt one dog was enough. There WERE other factors/circumstances. He paid for her to be in a dorm at college and wanted her to have that experience. She meets BOY and moves into an apartment with him. Daddy's little girl....became her own person. . In order to maintain his loving relationship with his daughter, my son stopped protesting. If you came into their home you would not know that it was once a one dog family. Sam is treated like a loving family member. Lucky dog. Corinne volunteered her time at a animal shelter and Sam was left there as an adult dog to .......................... and Corinne fell in love with him and his life was spared. :0)
Now it's my DIL who mutters about the dog hair ( from Sam ) she has to clean daily.
Ed piped up and said " well that's like holding him hostage."  Hmmmmmmmm....could be .He again declared that HE wanted no more dogs and I am going to take that like...he himself doesn't want a dog, but will accept the one that I have.
If you want the people you love in your life, there are things that you have to decide if it's worth losing them over.
This past week, I have let him know that I love both my dogs, but Lady is a PEOPLE PERSON and Ginger is attached to only a few. Myself ...and my husband when I wasn't in bed with him. If she wasn't in her dog bed at the bottom of my feet at the computer, she was in bed with him.  Once I climbed into bed at night, she would leave him and come to me, which always prompted him to say,( in a loving way ) ":traitor."
If you remember the story I told about how my husband was going to leave me when I told him I wanted to rescue Lady from the abused situation that she was in and how I stood my ground when he threatened to divorce me if I took her.....well my friends...there is no way in hell that Ginger isn't going to be in my life and I don't mean on just a visiting her basis.
Either she gets to come to Ed's house and go camping with us,etc. orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr all the "Thank you for THIS day)'s " as he holds me in his arm at night in bed...isn't going to cut it. I do like him alot...maybe even more than LIKE, (he  treats me WELL emotionally ),but my dog was here first. I need pets in MY LIFE !
DIL Debbie didn't want me to bring Ginger here this visit ( she sheds horribly ) neither is Sam allowed to be here. I can respect that.  She allowed Ginger to come here two years ago and I will always appreciare that. My grandson LJ's bedroom was covered in her dog hair when I left for home. :0(

Unbeknownst to Ed...DIL Deb is taking us to her friends place which is a bar/restaurant tonight to eat. It's Karoke night. It will be past Ed's bedtime......and while I don't mind going to bed between 8 and 9 p.m. ( it's certainly different than what I was accustomed to ), I do like the night life still !
He will groan and moan before this night is over. On the other hand...he always tells me that I am good for him. He'd be in bed by 5:30 if he was home alone, he always says. I know he would. We arise bewtween 5 and 6 a.m.  Now while I don't know what age 80 feels like.....I hope I never want to hit the sack that early ...UNLESS it's for sex ;0). I shit you not!

Ed drove us around Lake Okeechobee this past Saturday. It was a wonderful day in every respect. Went to a few Flea Markets. Bought fruit and veggies....much cheaper there than in the market.
We left at 7:10 a.m. and got back here around 6p.m.  HUGE lake and it's probably close to a hundred miles from here.   He always makes this trip when he is in Florida. I'm sure he has some wonderful memories with his wife being at his side. When we drove through Gainesville on our way here we passed the Finway Fish Camp that my hubby and I stayed at for three months maybe eight years back and it brought strong emotions from me as we passed it. Can't deny that I loved him. Life....wasn't all bad. Will that kind of love be a once in a lifetime thing?  THIS from a woman that had two husbands before him!!!  There is Love and then there is LOVE. Take it from me.  I shit you not!

Best ...take my leave. Getting meloncholy. (((hugs)))


That's All Folks!

There's a thorn in my Rose Garden :0(

Sometime after posting last evening we got on the subjects of pets.  Ed doesn't want any at this stage of his life. Those were his words. That and the fact that he likes his life the way it is. Petless. He  can travel at the drop of his hat and dogs get in the way. While I must agree that they do, that hasn't stopped me . My pets have had Forever Homes and I get very attached to my pets.
One of his pictures  in the dating site showed him holding a chihuahua,  which caught my eye and drew me to him. That dog is his sons. NOW I feel that I was misled.   I declared myself as a pet lover and my picture included my chihuahua.
He did ask which of the dogs at my house were mine.  When told ...what he didn't say was... he would be willing to have my chihauhua Ginger in his life.  :0(  Inmnediately...I internalized.
I don't like confrontation. I've taken into consideration that I am many miles from home. I've also taken into consideration that I want to finish out this vacation. There are many things that I am willing to compromise on, BUT excluding my Ginger from my life isn't one of them! IF, Ed wants me in his life, he best reconsider. I AM NOT WILLING to allow someone to let me lose my identity again.  Oh sure...I can go on as I have done by seeing Ginger when I go home, but long term... it ain't going to happen. I shit you not!
IF he isn't acute to how I have begun to withdraw ( by my actions ) and negotiate...once home I will move on. Next time I will be more cautious and learn more about the guy before I get too comfortable. I know he will be hurt, but I am not going to feel so bad about it that I give up my identity. Yeah..it hurts.....go ahead and ask me.:0(    I'll get over it. I shit you not!

 ...and if not.... adios amigo. Who knows what life has in store for me. :0) It may even include ........bedroom gymnastics.  You thought I was going to say dancing, didn't you? ;0)

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Mr.Sandman, build me a dream

Make him the cutest that I've ever seen. la,la,la...la,la,la,la.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to build a man and put everything we want in him like kids do at Build A Bear. ;0) How cool would that be.
As for myself, I think I had better shelve the idea of finding a man that can dance, likes Rock n Roll music and has a hard who-who. ;0)
I have a man that lets me know by his words and actions just how much he cares for me.
That's where it counts. I shit you not! 
Had THE OTHER, but his words killed it all. Yes, even before he got into bad health. sighhhh
 Even before we were married.   I have no one to blame, but myself for allowing it. We could have had the world by it's tail!!  I loved him, I miss him, but not the verbal abuse and being his doormat. ( Which I was.) No if ands or buts about it.
I seriously doubt if I had stood my ground he would have treated me differently. HE was the type that would cut off his nose to spite his face. :0( 
Enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

.....and Ed isn't Mr.Perfect either. Has some traits, I'd like to change. hahaha

He's too serious about politics, to the point where he gets upset at the news while it's on. Worries about a Depression in the near future and has SERIOUSLY stocked up on canned and frozen food. He doesn't realize that cans get outdated and eventually do go bad, just like the meats get freezer burn. sighhhhhhhhhh I will have to learn how to find the expiration dates on those cans. Any clue????

He buys STUFF...I know not why. There is no way in Hell we are going to be able to eat or use all the STUFF he has in his house. I shit you not!

BUT just in case there is a DEPRESSION, I am not going to divulge his address to any of you. ;0) hahahahaha

THIS food hoarding could be because he saw and remembers some of the Depression, being he was born in 1932.

 

That being said...... I will take my leave.

 

(((hugs)))

 

That's All Folks!

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't think that I don't feel SPECIAL!

Every evening Ed tell me that he has had a wonderful day with me and thanks me for making his day SPECIAL. :0)
 Don't think that I don't let him know how "special" he is in my life in many,many ways. wink;0)wink;0)

This is OUR MOTTO. :0)

 

(((hugs)))

 

That's All Folks!

What I did on my vacation...by ishityounot ;0)

Friday evening my son and DIL took us to a Comedy Club (Visanis) for a dinner and the show. :0)
IF....you have never seen Dale Jones perform...you missed a great act. He was runner-up on The Last Comic Standing and although I never saw that show that year or any year....for the life of me I can't figure out how the winner could have been better than the runner-up. He was hysterical! I shit you not!
Ed....did enjoy the show, but it was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy past his bedtime. There were groans and moans when he heard the hour we would be out, but he came through like a trooper. Now while I don't know what age 80 feels like....YET....I hope I still have lots of get Up and GO at night!
Time will tell..............................  ;0)
They spent the night here with us and the next day they drove us up to the sixteen year old town of Celebration,FL.  Must admit it was and is a beautiful concept for a town. It's probably the prettiest community in FL. I shit you not! My DIL Deb had just attended a seminar at a hotel here and wanted to see the town as she was confined more or less to the hotel. I get the feeling that she would like to move there. In the past ....moving further South was most important to her in the future and when I mentioned the weather there had to be cooler, I got.."Not by that much." Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
She is not wearing her wedding ring.....nor any jewelry for that matter. I witnessed my son hold her hand, put his arm around her and such, but I did not witness her initiate anything. Could be they are trying to reconsiliate...down the road. maybe, maybe not. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh 
We stopped on our way up there to see and watch the manatees in Apolla Beach that come up into the water warmed by the electic plant. We saw several dozens enjoying the warmer water there.
The long trip wiped Ed out as it was well after dark before we got back here. Sitting behind my 6'4" son leaves for little leg room. :0(  Even I felt it in my upper sciatic nerve or is that the bursa. One or the other it was. ouchie, ouchie
. We, DIL and I shopped some . All had a lovely lunch there on the patio where we ate. Many nice and reasonable places to eat there.
Didn't take any pictures. This damned laptop lost it's ability to download pictures somehow. Ticks me off! I shit you not!

Yesterday we shopped....make that I SHOPPED in Bealls Outlet and Kohls. :0)
Then we went to Applebees where Ed enjoyed his free dinner they served for Veterans Day to those that served or are serving.  I use to go with my late husband. It's very nice of Applebees to honor our service men and woman. TODAY...the Golden Corral is doing the same thing between 4 and 9 p.m. and we will go eat there at 4. IF we can get in the door that is.;0) There is bound to be a crowd.
Later we went to visit old aquaintances of his in Arcadia. A Husband and wife. Gloria is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers, but I myself didn't notice it much.

Ed exclaimed yesterday that he was the luckiest man alive. THAT makes me feel good. It's nice to be appreciated. He DOES have faults....don't we all....but I will have to just make up my mind on what's important to me.  ONLY likes his era of music. :0(  Ballads and the likes. No rock, no fifties. :0(
Going to have to test that "teach an old dog new tricks"....me thinks. 

No mention of Turkey Day at my sons house. There is a T Day dinner being served here in the club house for $8 each . Strongly leaning towards doing that. This Saturday is a Pancake breakfast for $3 a person. Son,DIL and ourselves are going.
The time here is flying by. :0(

Going to end this and go for a drive. Ed loves to drive here, there and everywhere and I can DIG IT! :0)
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Vacation Days 1,2,3 and maybe 4 and 5

Day 1 found us up at 4a.m. and on the road at 5. Our first stop was a McDonalds for coffee to go and our second was to pull a ticket out of the toll booth. We proceeded to our exit....#9 I beleive it was ...only to be told that THAT TICKET was an old ticket, number blah,blah,blah and there was NO WAY that we got that out of a machine, soooooooo therefore we would have to pay the FULL PRICE ($2.95) when it should have been $1.50. The female toll taker was ADAMENT that we tried to cheat the system and IF we wanted to debate this with her superior, we could. Wanting to GET ON with our trip, we chose to pay and not wait for the supervisor. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ed wanted to avoid the coast due to the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and gas being a shortage in many areas.
AVOID...we certainly did. We went wellllll inland and I saw lots of PA and West Virginia before we finally came back onto I 95 South.
In all actuality, it was a nice ride. A little slower on some of the roads he took, but he knows them all well due to his traveling them over the years.

Come 6 p.m. we found a motel a mile off the highway. NOW for you travelers ...may I recommend the Reste Motel in Emporia,Virginia approximately 68 miles from the N.Carolina border.  Ed turned the tv on while I was finding a few things we would need in the morning to freshen ourselves up with and called out to me to look at the tv. Hardcore porn was on and three people ( 2 guys and a gal) were going at it hot and heavy. I fell back on the bed in hysterics.  Well maybe not hysterics, bit laughter and giggles. Not only is this on ONE channel, BUT TWO. If you don't like one or have seen it before...you have a choice. ;0)  And...in the morning when we woke and turned the tv on it was still going...same subject, different actors.  Bless his " lil" pea picking heart if he didn't try . A- for effort, but with 13 hours of traveling and ED.  :0(


Day 2 found us in the worst part of Jacksonville,Fl  some time after 5 p.m. I shit you not!
 I programmed my brothers address into the GPS and this is where it took us. Poor Ed didn't know whether to shit or go blind.  After many calls to my brother we finally found our way out of that mess and to his place in BALDWIN.  He doesn't live in Jacksonville, but his dang mail gets to him if you write Jacksonville on the envelope, ??????    His voice showed alarm when he heard where we were. He luvs me. :0)
What a nice welcome my brother,my sis in law and their daughters, oldest daughters husband and daughter and significant others of his other two daughters gave us and what a meal they prepared for us too. It is here that I will confide in you that Ed has told me in the past that he would be uncomfortable around gay people and right up front I told him of  same sex partners in my immediate family ( which I have no problem with). He must have forgot.....as he loved every one of them and  has repeated it to his own kids about how great everyone was and is still remarking to me about  what hot shits they all were. In the beginning he asked who those other girls/women were and I told him they were my nieces girl friends. Okay...so I omitted the emphasis on girlfriends. :0) Funny how when you are in the mix and don't know all the technical points that you find someones company charming that you other wise might not have. Some day I might clue him in. He needs to broaden his outlook on that subject. My nephew (the one my parents raised since he was 16 months old is gay and he is in my life alot. I'm the only family he has left and he is always welcome in my home. Now I've told Ed he was gay ...let's see if he remembers that when he meets him. On the other hand...Drew is feminine acting so he just might pick up on it. Oh welll!  We can't choose our family.... so I say, deal with it!

Day 3 found us on the road at 5:30 on our way to Sarasota.  AGAIN, I got us lost. Well....not lost, but I missed the exit I was watching for and we had maybe 8 miles to travel before we could exit and back track.  Ed was familiar with hwy 41, but not the directions to my sons.  Spent a few hours at my sons and then off to North Port. Unpacked...went out to shop for some essentials...ate out ( can't remember where). We strolled into the Dollar Tree hand in hand and were approached by an older woman that stopped us to comment on how we were still holding hands after all these years. It is so nice when people take time to compliment other people. I need to do it more often myself.
 We went to bed somewhere around nine. The election results were just beginning to happen. Ed gets himself worked up over politics. That's his worst fault !

Day 4 found us visiting his old friend Mona in (think it was Punta Gorda.)  She and her husband Al( a police officer ) were good friends of he and his wife up North. He met Al and Mona when he was twenty eight.  Al now sits in a jar in Mona's bedroom and when she dies she too will be cremated and their ashes will be mixed together....and.....what anyone chooses to do with them will be out of her hands.   I like her. She's Polish ;0) ,eighty five and spunky and shoots from the hip. When Ed called her and told her that he was bringing someone with him, she said..."not the same one!"  From her tone, I could tell that she did not like Ada. I came away with the impression that she likes me, cause I mentioned that I liked Kohls and she gave me a $20 Cash thingie to use before the 14th of this month. :0) I have one for $10. A shopping I will go, a shopping I will go. :0) Ate at Stephano's. Ed had liver and onions, which included a soup or salad and dessert. I had all you can eat fish. $9.99  It was called Basa. It's a mild fish and was very good. I say very good, because I asked for more three times. :0) Ed couldn't figure out where I was putting it. ;0) When we left, I picked his sweater up, rolled it into a ball and placed it under my shirt. We stop at the register to pay and he struts beside me like a peacock, pass cars that were coming and going and I could hardly contain my laughter. Ed turns to look at my face ( puzzled as to why I am cracking up ) and I practically collapsed in his arms in a laughing fit as I pointed down to my belly. Then the two of us were in stitches. :0) He calls me " a Hot Shit".  I've been called "Daffy" ....another term of endearment by a good friend ...and you know who you are! ;0)

Day 5 found us driving to places that Ed was familiar with. He lived in Punta Gorda for two years with his wife in a trailer park. Lots of memories there for him and he hasn't forgot a thing...not even a road. We drove out on Pine Island to the very end. Saw the  town of Matlacha ( pronounced matt-la-shea. ) As we began our walk out on the pier a man and two women were heading towards us and the man exclaimed, " you two look happy."  We both replied that we were and thanked him. I know we were both laughing as when I alit from the car I farted and Ed said " did I hear squeaky shoes." I told him if I had held the umbrella that sits to my side on the floor I would have been lifted off the ground. ;0)
Mary Poppins has nothing on me. Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon.

It was the first time he heard me fart ( not the first time I have farted since we met ;0)  ) ...the Honeymoon is over!!!  As he always says when he can no longer hold it..., I rather suffer the shame than the pain.
It was a wonderful day ...each day he thanks me for making his day wonderful and I do the same. He says I have taught him alot. He is learning to enjoy life a different way and loving every moment. :0)

Today ...no plans....except to find Kohls to spend my $30. ;0)  Who knows what the day will unfold.
Tomorrow he wants to drive around lake Ocachobee ( too lazy to grab my map and check the spelling ;0) ) 
SCRATCH THAT!! Son just called. He and his ? ex wife ( they still live together ) are taking us to a dinner and comedy show. :0) Picking us up around 7. Hope I/We can keep Ed awake. ;0)  They will spend the night HERE and take us somewhere else tomorrow. Ed is wondering how my son will feel about his mother sleeping in his house with another man. I told him that his generation was DIFFERENT than THIS generation ! Don't know if it put his mind at ease, but we had some real good laughs over it. No squeaking the bed, no walking around nude...hahaha
To be quite honest, I'm going to be uncomfortable being around my son and ex daughter in law and watching how they interact. WHEN they are going to tell me they are divorced is ever present on my mind too.
Looking forward to a FUN NIGHT in more ways than ONE. I shit you not!

Ed's a slow learner, but I have every confidance that we can have a meaningful relationship, without the act of intercourse. One day at a time...slow and steady she goes.Patience is my middle name. ;0)

From home I hear from Jill that her psychologist is urging her to dump Whine Bucket. Go figure!
(((hugs)))


That's All Folks!

What's up with me?

Damned if I know.  Can't find time to do even half of what I use to ( which includes my almost daily blog writing and visiting with all of you wonderful people.) It's not that I am busier...at least I don't think that I am. Ed and I do go out for ridesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Last week we drove down to the Cape to Sussex Beach ( one of the places he and his wife use to camp) and spent a wonderful afternoon walking and sightseeing and savoring the seafood. It was a beautiful day. Drove through towns I'd never been to. Stopped at an Outlet, went through Blackstone where my son use to live, was in RI. My sense of direction is horrid, but Ed knows THE LAND well and has traveled it over the years many times.On the other hand, I know of ONE WAY to and from the Cape. It doesn't include Blacktone and Rhode Island. ;0)

I'm still looking to live  a Fairy Tale and my bubble is getting BUSTED! I shit you not!
The other day Ed asked me if I was basing our relationship on sex because he could not perform as often as I would like...:0( .  Yeah...you read that right.
Told him it wasn't, BUT!  Shit,,,I can't help it if my body makes the moves it does when I am touched or kissed by him. Truth be told...my body tries to dry F him. I shit you not!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...I figured NOW was the time to mention that I hoped his ego would not be injured if I used sex toys on myself and climaxed that way. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would be saying that to a man. But HEY...life for me is shorter and I have no time to be coy. I'm not wasting any time playing games. One has to do what one has to do. I shit you not!
He did ask if he could watch me some time and I told him yes...but my mouth was braver than I am.
If it takes that to get Old Glory to fly.....I'll masterbate in front of him every time.  ;0)  Insert blush here.
I am beginning to believe that I have been starved for affection for years and consequently ...I am over sexed now.  My sex drive is in high gear. I'm a one man woman and when I feel loved and cared about...I try to please BOTH of us. My husband's caustic tongue cheated BOTH of us out of a lot of  good/great sex for too many years. THIS...even before he became ill. :0(  You get more with honey than you do with vinegar...ya know that old saying. I wish I could have given more of myself to him , but I'm like an elephant. I don't forget!  I loved him and sincerely wish things had been better between us. 
Regrets...I have more than a few. There are NO do overs. sighhhhhhhhhhh
There may not be a Utopia, but I'm hoping to get close to it. Ed knows how to treat a woman. He and his wife never experienced anything but straight sex. Hard to believe isn't it.  Every once in awhile he leaves his comfort zone...all but awkwardly....BUT he is trying to learn. :0)  In time I may find Utopia if I am patient. . ;0)  Good things come to those that wait! :0) He confided in me that he didn't open car doors and the like for his wife (sort of like we all do...take each other for granted .) NOW I know why his daughter Debbie in TN asked me what was up with THAT when he always opened my door and buckled me in. I knew from her tone that it upset her to see him doing that and at that time I tried to soften it wirh it was a standing joke between us. I hope I pulled it off.  For sure... I can  understand her being upset when he didn't open a car door for her mother. I can tell from the way he talks about her that she was special to him and loved.

Hurricane Sandy is approaching. The wind is picking up. I don't forsee much for us except trees down and power outages.
I'm at Eds today. Will go home tomorrow. Jill's colonostopy is Wednesday and I will drive her home and spend the night to give the Trick or Treaters their goodies. Ed and I plan on leaving for Florida Saturday morning.

Ed's neighborhood lost it's lights at 5p.m. While my house enever lost electricity, it did loose cable. Ed got his electricity back a day before we got our cable. It came on just as I was leaving to come back to Natick at 8p.m. Halloween night.  We had over 150 Trick or Treaters. Ed said he had about fifteen.

They removed two polyps from Jill's colon and will give her the results in a week or so.

Looking forward to seeing my brother in Jacksonville and meeting some of Eds friends.
I may be repeating myself, but I have heard by the grapevine that my son in Sarasota ( whose home and mobile home we will be going to and using ) was divorced last February.  When I was there last March....all seemed normal. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  Wonder when they will tell me. sighhhhhhhhhhhh Their two kids are grown. Twenty two and twenty three, I think.

The days are flying past. One more day left to get his car packed and ready to leave the driveway around 5 a.m,. Saturday morning. 
Our days have been FULL. We go for drives often. Today was DQ 99 cent sundae and we shivered together earing our sundaes under an awning. Most of our Thursdays have been beautiful to sit out and eat our ice cream. THIS  was the last time...til next year. :0(

I apologize for being absent so long. You must be aware that the reason is because I am in a "happy place."

 I  owe you pictures, but my laptop isn't letting me download them. :0(  Hopefully my son in FL will be able to fix my problem.

That's All Folks!

(((hugs)))

Divine Interventi....by the name of Cosmopolitan

After I posted Wednesday, Ed called me imploring me to come. His daughter would be there until noon..First we'd go to the Christmas Tree Shop...then .he'd take us both to lunch and we all could talk, etc,etc. The clincher was...he missed me. Please come , he implored.  awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


Now I'll jump ahead a few days.
Friday his Home Page  touted Cosmopolitan ...and the lure was intriuging. :0)
Soon we were both reading it together. (Insert a blush here )
I learned stuff I never knew. WOW!
You CAN teach an old dog (male or female new tricks.) ;0)  I shit you not!
The SEX was BETTER. I did Climax. Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
We need to get more practice in. ;0) THIS LOOKS DOABLE. I shit you not!
So for all of you that could use a little spicing up in the lovemaking department...go visit Cosmopolitan and see what they have to offer.
 You don't have to thank me.;0)

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

Truth be told....there is no such thing as a Rose Garden.

While I deeply care for Ed, the ED is becoming an issue with me. I AM SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED. I shit you not!
In every other way, he is a KEEPER. Sooooooooooooo what's wrong with me???
I have done EVERYTHING but stand on my head and wiggle my ears. ;0)  The heavy artillary is about to come out. I'm home until late p.m. today as yesterday I had the dog groomers, town hall business as well as stopping to vote absentee and my hairdresser will be here at 3:30 today to cut and color my hair...and then I am off for Natick ARMED with my new Adult Films and "the like" that have arrived. This old boy and I need to talk turkey. I shit you not! He's had a sight cough and a slight sore throat for five days.....which meant...NO KISSING.  You read that right...NO EFFING KISSING! He is being considerate of me and doesn't want me to catch what he has. I told him I don't give a shit if I get his cold and sore throat....to NO AVAIL!  No kissing... has been TORTURE. I shit you not!

Screw my hair dresser appointment....I'm thinking of  calling and changing it to a day next week as it will be after or near dark when I am able to hit the highway and I don't do well driving in the dark.
It's 3 a.m. and I can't sleep.One cup of coffee down and I'll soon rise off my ass and make another. Thank you Pea. ;0)

I'm all over the place......
Ed talked about buying himself a new Toyota Prius. He does not know how to barter and admitted it. I suggested he take my son Randy out to shop for this new car ...if he was serious. I went as far as to look up the Kelley Blue Book value of his 2006 Toyota Carolla that has 77,000 miles on it. and told him I would beat their ( the dealers offer .))) Sooooooooooooooooo...what does he do. he called me around 4 p.m. to tell me that he just bought the car and traded his in for 6K. The Blue Book value on HIS was around 8K. Like WTF! Did he not hear what I said??? Sometimes I think he isn't listening when I talk. SERIOUSLY!  Will admit here that...I am MIFFED! Or is that PISSED? WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooooooooooooooo....do I ask him if HE DID NOT HEAR ME, orrrrrrr let it just slide. sighhhhhhhh Don't know if I can keep my mouth shut ....cause I'm ticked off!
Yes Virginia aka/Karen...there not only isn't a Santa Claus, but there are THORNS on Roses. I shit you not! There is no such thing as a Rose Garden!!!

S of a B! It's now 4a.m.

I took that xrated package out to my car yesterday and put it in the trunk. NOW, I am regretting it. THAT personal vibrator is amongst the other goodies. ;0)
One of the goodies is a film on the erotic areas of a woman and hopefully this old dog can learn some new tricks.. Ed, SIT! WATCH! DO IT! I can settle for a limp dick, but I can't settle for no orgasm EVER. I shit you not!
Shit...I'm talking to you. I should be talking to him. .......Sooooooooooooooooooon. It's awkward, but it needs to be done. ASAP!

We leave for FL around the 2nd of November. We'll be staying in North Port at my DIL Debbie's trailer. She wants $650 for her lot rent, plus utilities. Fair enough. We could stay at Jill's ex boyfriend at age 15's house in North Port for free. I will run it past Ed. May even extend out vacation time and stay there a few weeks. The trailer will be put on the market after we leave there. Deb bought it with her inheritance from her father and my son made alot of repairs and improvements and she decorated and furnished it very tastefully and she now realizes that they or she does not get enough use out of it to
Have I told you that this DIL is no longer my DIL? Well...legally that is. She divorced my son this past February, but still shares their home with him. I HAVE NOT BEEN TOLD by either of them. Jill heard it from one of her sons (my grandson.) THIS is going to be AWKWARD to say the least. I shit you not!
We could stay at their house....and would...but the Murphy bed is not comfortable. You can feel the frame work.  I wouldn't ask my grandson L.J. to give up his bed for us. Besides...it isn't comfortable either. I can sleep pretty much on anything, but I know Ed is spoiled with his memory foam mattress. Who wouldn't be! I'm enjoying it...myself. ;0)  The queen sized bed in North Port is comfortable.
The Rose Garden isn't at my sons either. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
OMG...I just realized that I was there with them together in March. Is that why he shared a cabin with his son and my DIL shared a cabin with their daughter??? They acted like they were still man and wife while I was with them that few weeks. . ??? I saw nothing out of the usual.

Jill woke around 4a.m. to let her beagle out. Soon after I heard the front door open and shut. Got up from the computer to inquire as to why. Whine Bucket left. Had a meltdown. She didn't ask her  primary doctor at her appointment yesterday why she was not sexually attracted to him any more as he has requested time and time again that she do. He told her he is putting her engagement ring on sale today and she told him that was fine with her. He whined that he has no money. No money for gas or food today and has to work his 24 hour shift. She told him that it wasn't her problem. All he bought for her in the past week is ONE PACK OF BUTTS. Nothing else. Last night she (meaning I ) fed him a porkchop dinner that she cooked. I on the other hand ordered pizza with Tracie. The Philly steak and cheese was good, but never again. $12.95 for a medium pizza, plus tax and a $3 delivery charge and I still tipped the delivery guy. Tracie had a burger and pineapple pizza she paid for herself. I could have had a nice hot meal OUT SOMEWHERE for that price.
A 6 oz. steak at the Outback is $9.99 plus tax, tip and a cold drink. I'd have still had change left over. These pizza places like Dominoes... are ridiculous. I shit you not!
Ed and I shared a yummy Pucillo pizza at Bertucci's and got a free yummy salad and rolls with it for $12.95 plus tax and drinks and tip (which was what I paid for this takeout.)
Oh...I got off track here. Whine Bucket says he is DONE. He says that at the very least 3x's a week.  Same song...same verse !
WTF does he think having a wife costs?????????????????????????????????????
Saturday after she got off work at 11p.m. she called him like he asked her to. He asked her if she wanted to come to his place and sleep on his couch with him. HUH!!!! He still hasn't put his bed up after living there ...it must be a year or better now. She declined. ;0) Queen sized comfortable bed...versus a couch that doesn't pull out to make a bed. What a LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to be one tired puppy tonight. Watched the debate for an hour...which means ...I've had four hours of sleep.  :0(

My mind is made up. I will call my hairdresser and change my appointment to a day next week that I will spend the night here at home. IF Ed's daughter wasn't coming from Salem,NH at 7 a.m. Thursday to visit and have breakfast out with us, I would stay home tonight.
I do not feel comfortable driving the highway at night, plus the traffic will be horrendous at that hour.

I need to get into my closet and haul all my clothes out to see what fits and what I want/need to take to FL with me. I am in a size 10 pants, shorts,skorts,skirts. . I like and did not get enough use out of my 12's and 14's and I hate to let them go, but W.Watchers recommends it and so far I have gladly given up the 18's and 16's. Okay....secretly, I'll keep the 12's. I've talked myself into it. ;0)
That way I won't go bare assed if I begin to put some pounds on, while I get serious about losing those unwanted pounds. There is a mood to my madness! ;0) I shit you not!

Like I said before...I am all over the place.
Jill's son Ryan has told her that if SHE EVER lets his brother Gil live here again...she WILL NEVER babysit his son again. Even if Gil never takes or uses another drug in his life. WTF!
She loves her grand baby so much and spends every minute with him when she babysits him. There could never be another person that would care for him and love him like she does. WE talked...she knows and has said that she can't give up her own son and this means that she will end her babysitting her grandson on her own before it comes to even contemplating shutting her troubled son out of her life. Her son Ryan seems to think that it's an easy decision. He only has ONE CHILD!
Meantime...it's killing her to be put in this spot and so is the fact that her son Ryan does not seem to care how hurt her heart is. I THINK HE IS BEING VERY UNREASONABLE!!!! Assine is more like it!
I /we ( hubby and I ) watched and cared for our first grand from the time he was born until he was three and his parents moved out...and eventually divorced.We got up at night with him. Mom was a heavy sleeper.  I too thought that I couldn't live without him in my life. Ohhhhhhhh that heartache. sighhhhhhhhh  My DIL Karen was 15 when they married and son Larry wasn't eighteen yet. They only had this one child.
I loved my first grand just as much as Jill loves hers. HE....hardly ever has visited me since he was a grown man, nor did he much after he left here. HE...has his own life. Gavin too, will do just fine.
She has admitted to me that with all her other stress, keeping a hawks eye on Gavin is adding to her stress and she just might enjoy going to visit him a few times a week and being that kind of grand parent might be jsut as rewarding. Her BP rose from the time she first had it taken yesterday as she related her stresses to her doctor to a dangerously high level before she left that office. Her doctor also increased her Zoloff to 150mg's from 100. Gil is still in a place in Westwood,MA but I hear from her that his step mothers insurance is so bad that she can only find him a place that will take him for a fews weeks only after he leaves there. WTF! He wants help and he can't get it cause he isn't as low as he can go. Only being told a lie that he was suicidal got him into this place as it was. He is on/in a ward with suicidal people that are seriously doped up.  He had no drugs except for POT in his system.  IF he could have obtained a drug of his choice...the story would have been different. He knows it...he admits it! The system SUCKS! He still hasn't got that shot of ?....that makes you deathly sick or kills you if you use drugs. I think she said he still gets the pills for it. I don't listen to good myself, I think. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

We felt an earthquake last night sometime around 7 p.m. The china cabinet glass rattled and rattled. We were all standing in the kitchen/diningroom area. Jill, the Whine Bucket, Tracie and myself.
 Jill began to panic and  run from one area of the house to another to come to end up in the bathroom doorway. Heard it was a 4.5 magnitude and began in Maine. I have heard that we in MA have had others of less magnitude, but have never felt them. In CA ....yessssssssssssss. I've seen the over head drop lights swing and inside doors move back and forth. Felt the rolling too.
THIS was alot of shaking that lasted 30 seconds or less.

It's almost 6 a.m. Time to make a third cup of coffee. I'm going to be WIRED today. I shit you not!
Ed's awake. I haven't spoke to him, but I know it. He always is at this hour. His sleep habits are as bad as mine are. Wakes during the night and watches tv for awhile. Unlike myself...he can fall back to sleep, but has an inner time clock when it gets around 5a.m.
His mind is always working. For the umpteenth time he has mentioned that he needs to begin packing his clothes for this FL trip. Last time was just two days ago when we were snuggling before arising. Like WTF!!! My mind was on feeling gooddddddddddddddd, very goooooooooooooooooood ....aroused and his was................. fucking packing. :0(  Do I sound disallusioned? Unreasonable maybe? Naw....more like frustrated !!! I am...I AM! I shit you not!
  I see his packing as a few hour job. He will take two pair of jeans, 4 shirts, a sweater and some undies , socks and a pair of dress pants. I know that because THAT is all that will fit in the little suitcase he uses. He took less to TN. ME on the other hand...will make up for it when I PACK my shit. I shit you not! I took shit to TN that I never wore...but, I had choices. ;0)

Much to get done and here I sit. My squirrels cage needs a good cleaning. My rug needs vacuuming. Bed needs to be made. Clothes need to be gathered and tried on. I have returns for Burlington Coat Factory and Kohls. I need to pick up my 3 months worth of meds at Walmart.
I did get a pedicure yesterday. :0) ONE FOR MOI! Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!

I read all of your blogs ( I think ) and truly care about where you are in your life.
You all are important to me. I shit you not! All of you have been the best friends EVER . Thanks for putting up with my absense and ME. 

Ed just emailed me. I sent him some emails telling him what I want to do WITH and TO him.
His reply to each,  was.......... WOW!
Think that I will email him to the fact that I purchased a porn , ahem...adult film and want to watch it with him tonight. Will I get another WOW ! ?  Let's see.

Yep...like I said earlier...I am all over the place.
 Forgot to mention that HE had business ( dentures relined ) ( Ed needed to buy stock in Polident as he had to apply it thickly CONSTANTLY)  at someone I knew as a young teenager's house/lab ( and suggested to him ) near my daughter Cheryls. While we waited the 2 1/2 hours for his teeth to be done we shopped at Sams and Walmart for things he needed/wanted.  After we picked his teeth up a few hours later we stopped at her house and he got to meet her, her husband Dana and their sixteen year old daughter Shayla. From there we went to where Dana works to eat. After we ate we were told that dana called and paid for our meal. That was nice, BUT...they have no oil for heat and still are behind in their rent. Okay...I'll accept that they wanted to do something nice for me/us.
Which reminds me...I forgot to thank her when she called me last night. :0( DAMN!
My head is up my ass!

A postcript here. Ed farts and his shit does stink. Is the honeymoon over? ;0)
I on the other hand have been managing ( quite painfully ) to hold my farts in. 
It isn't easy. I shit you not! ;0) One of these days...Thar... she BLOWS!


 SHIT! It's 7:09 a.m. Holy shit...time flys!

Did a little work...like made my bed. Now it's 8:21 a.m.

Shit...shit..shit, SHIT!SHIT!  Just had the wind taken out of my sails. Called Ed and which time I found out his daughter Sandy came this morning. She had a change of plans. sighhhhhh
I changed my plans and rescheduled my hair appointment to next week just so I could get back there before dark.  SHIT...I hit a rock! Oh, I could go there now before she leaves at eleven as he suggested, but I still have things I need to do...so my common sense tells me to stay home until I do what needs to be done. Ed said he'd come back with me one day this week so I could finish what I'm doing, BUT..... I'm going to PASS on that. If I need another day, plus the hours before 3p.m. to do what needs doing today, I will come back by myself. I'm a BIG GIRL and I've gotten over my disappointment. :0)
That kind of explains why I didn't hear back from him about my last email (PROPOSITION). ;0)

Okay...it's time to post this. I borrowed some pictures of Ed when he was younger. Want to take a picture of them and post them some time. He was quite the CUTEY when he was a teenager and beyond. My camera is also in the car. Great place for it...so you say.

Wonder how many followers have been unable to find me now that Blogger has changed it's format. Just heard from one by email. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm not liking this change. No sirree! I shit you not!

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!