D D Never a dull moment around my house

I was on the phone with hubby when Jill came rushing into my room so that she could call 911. I hung up abruptly and stopped breathing til I heard what she told the operator the reason for her call was.  She asked me to come out to the car with her ( didn't want to find out he was dead ....alone. ) The operator kept insisting that I stay on the line with her intil help arrived.  My house phones loose reception once you step outside. :0(  Three cruisers , 1 police land rover and an ambulance respond to Jill's 911 call yesterday in the p.m. around 5. . Her son Gil was in the driveway slumped over the steering wheel of her car with the door open, one foot on the ground and a syringe in one hand and a spoon with heroin in it in his other hand. Overdosed. She picked him up from the hospital once he was checked out and somewhat off his high.  He apparently does not like the choices she made for him to get him some help and as I type she is outside searching for him. He went outside to smoke and split. 

Hubby is doing better. Yesterday morning I was ready to pick out a casket for him.....now it looks like we may be doing that for Gil. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Later she called the police to make out a missing person report. Around 1 a.m. he walked into the house and went to bed. He had the beach towels we keep in a lidded tub for the swimmers wrapped around him. Lots of towels. It got quite cool last night and serious drug abusers are always cold, no matter what the temp is. Heavy hooded sweatshirt is his choice of wear, every day. sighhhhhhhh.
Jill has been a basket case all day. Took all her good meds for anxiety and stress and she herself has slept alot. He slept til after noon time. We keep hearing....if you force him to go, he will just hate you and will use when he can as soon as he is released. It's like being between a rock and a hard place ( for her ) and there are not any good programs for kids on serious drugs. sighhhhhhh We are told...he has to want to go if it is to succeed.

A social worker from the hospital called me a few minutes ago. Apparently she talked to hubby about going into a rehab upon his release next week and he wants no part of it. Asked me my thoughts on this. Told her after his release directly home a week ago Friday, I am more sure than ever that he needs some P.T.
She was going to go back to talk to him. If she tells him that I am all for it,  I WILL BE THE ENEMY! sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  

No babysitting today. She couldn't handle it.
Don't know where this will all end, but my gut tells me it's not going to be good. I shit you not!
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D Just a quick note to say

I'm running short on time.
Yesterday morning was hard on me. Hubby was on sensory overload from withdrawals. It was hard to witness the pain he experienced just from being touched and of course...he had to be touched and poked and all that shit.
Last night....although he slept all day and did not eat or drink....whatever they gave him for pain ...made him more comfortable.
Speaking of pain, I asked when his next pain med was due and was told NINE. It was TEN when he got it! Like WTF!  It's not because they have a FULL BED ward cause they don't!
Daughter Michelle and I kept him awake watching the Boston Pops hoopala until 10:15p.m.
Home here at eleven, watched tv an hour and slept til sixish. Couldn't make myself get out of bed....laid there and kept dozing off til 7:15. 
  Jill bought food and invited everyone out here for the day yesterday. I stayed in my bedroom trying to rest my mind and calm down after my morning at the hospital. 
Today...it starts all over again. Hopefully he is as good or better than when I left him last night.
Being with someone for forty five years ....makes it hard to not relive when times were good...and there was good.
My dad was a cheating, foul mouthed drunk and and my mother had a miserable life with him, but stayed with him til she died. FIFTY YEARS . The day before she passed away, I heard her say to him, "I love you Henry." I wanted to GAG.    NOW....I can understand.
Mom and I are like two peas in a pod.  NO...she is a better woman than I am, cause like I told my dad, "I'd have shit canned your ass a long time ago. "

I'm afraid .....of being ALONE. The UNKNOWN frightens me as does what lies ahead for me.
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D It's been a hellaof last two days, for me....

him....he slept through it.  Literally speaking HE DID, except to take his meds,  eat cereal twice on Saturday and yesterday morning .....HE SLEPT.
P.T. person (Andrea ) came followed shortly by the visitng nurse. Stats were good. The 144 to b/P could have been a little better. Andrea roused him, but it was obvious he wasn't all there and WITH IT.
His doctor called and thought it must be another UTI. Called in an RX to our local CVS, told me to get a clean urine sample before I gave him his first dose and bring him into the Boston V.A. to see him at 11:30 a.m. Tuesday.  Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr call 911.  Hubby was sound asleep before the nurse left here. Would not stir to take his 2p.m. meds. At 3...I tried again. Leave me alone, is what I kept hearing, but when he said to me , "I'm tired of living, I want to die", THAT is when I called out to g son Gil to help me get him into his wheelchair, out to the car and to the hospital. It was a JOB, but we did it even with him trying to hold onto the bedrails for dear life and resisting going to the hopsital.
Long story short....once the put a Foley in him,  it was noticeable that his urine was CLEAR. When the doctor came in the room and asked where his pain was..he said his stomach. I could hear him yell when the doctor pressed on that area. ( he has been complaining of left sided pain in the lower abdomen for over a year. Keeps being told, there are no organs where he points to.  This doctor ( I don't know where he pressed, though ) suspects diverticulitis.  All his workup had been done by this time. He was given a drink of YUK, given another drink of YUK and hour later and an hour after that he would be taken for a CT SCAN, I think I heard. He was definately being admitted. I kissed him goodbye (there was "meaning" felt in THAT KISS, for both of us.) Something to...REMEMBER.
Came home...ate cold pizza ( Jill was fixing a nice steak supper and I didn't want any ) and made calls to family on his side.  Called the E.R. back after eight p.m.

Newsflash ... 5 freakin mallards just landed in the clean pool.

Hubby was going up to the same floor and same bed he was in Friday. Same phone number ( I had never taken it off my computer .) ;0)
I tried to rest...began to doze and I get a phone call from the floor nurse wanting to ask questions about what had been happening and get a Base Line.  Somewhere in here, she tells me that hubby had a med in his blood that Dr.Foo did not give him. WTF??????????????????   She named some name (medical) that I did not understand. Finally it dawned on me that I had given him HIS RX'd by his primary doctor of Lorazapam. The dose is 0.5. A low dose.   Now I didn't know what SHE was implying, but I let her know they were RX'd and we had a shouting match about my one and only friend Friday when he came home and YES, I gave him ONE then and ONE Saturday. His RX reads Twice a Day as needed.  Jeezus... I'm thinking like, don't go there with me people. I would never give him anything that wasn't RX'd for him. The results were not back yet about Diverticulitis.
Then I tried to calm down after THAT CALL and watch The Bachelorette. CRASHED!
It's now 7:30. Will try to call his room at 8 and then get ready to go visit him and bring him things he will need, like his electric razor and his own toothbrush. He uses HARD , they provide a super soft one....  and He BITCHES. 
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D After I posted...things went from Bad to WORSE....sighhhh

Hubby insisted that he walk into the bathroom with his walker to poop.  It was a struggle ( I shit you not ) between the two of us to get him off the bed and standing. His left ankle turns under/over?  almost to where it is touching the floor. He had no strength in his legs, but INSISTED he walk into the bathroom to crap instead of using his commode. He didn't get far when he called for HELP. I tried to stead him as he tried to make it back to the bed, stepping backwards with his walker. He ALMOST made it. His ass hit the side of the bed and he slid to the floor. Grandson Gil helped me get him up onto the bed ( which I noticed was soaked with??? AGAIN he insists on getting into the bathroom and tries again. Gil put his commode under his ass when his legs were about to give out a second time and I steadied it and circled his waist to lead him down onto it. Got an elbow slammed into my left boob ( accidently.) After sitting on hios commode awhile he AGAIN insisted he could not go using it and wanted into the bathroom. Gil helped him....but it wasn't easy. He kept saying, "nana his ankle is going to SNAP.) " At this very moment....that is where he is sitting now. I have stripped our bed and am waiting for his call to help get him out of there.
IF his legs remain as weak as they are today....there is no way in hell that I can care for him at home if he insists on walking. No way...in Hell!  Why the hell the V.A. didn't insist on him going into a rest home for P.T.like they have done every other time, I will never know....BUT I am going to call them tomorrow (Monday) and ASK.
Once discharged....is it too late for medicare to pay the tab for P.T. in a rest home for three weeks??? That's my question. I do not see P.T. at home....helping ....this time.  sighhhhhhhhhhh he needs more intensive P.T. I shit you not!
My left boob is still smarting.

3a.m. and I am fuming. I shit you not!
As the day progressed it got worst. He would piss the bed and when I would ask him...why????? He'd give a stupid reply. I'd have to strip the bed down. He would not get up so that I could remake the bed and slept and slept and slept. He woke after much prompting at 2:30 to take his 2 p.m. meds and went back to sleep and slept and slept and slept.  The house WAS NOT quiet. My nephew and his partner, my DIL Kim and I all conversing just outside the open bedroom door. Washer, dryer running. Daughter Cheryl, SIL Dana and g son Trevor here to use the pool on this HOT DAY. 
He had managed with g son Gil's help to get into the bathroom to shit and shower as I mentioned above. Once back to bed I gave him his Wheaties with blueberries. He never turned the TV on. Never read the Sunday newspaper that I set beside him. JUST SLEPT.  I would go between sitting in my computer chair watching him to going out the back door to talk with Cher or out to the diningroom to talk to my other company. Then back to my computer chair to sit and watch him.
8 p.m. I wake him for his 8 p.m. meds and  after much MOUTH from him , he took them. Then he heard Cheryl's voice and blurts out, "What the fuck is she doing here so early?' I informed him of the time of day. WhenI  asked what he wanted to eat, he wanted his breakfast. Told him he had already had his breakfast. NOPE... might have been yesterday morning, but not this morning that I gave him cereal.  I didn't argue the point and went straight out to the kitchen and made him Wheaties and blueberries.  The sequence of how things went down escapes me. He had pissed himself again before I gave him the cereal. He was laying on the heated mattress pad that managed to avoid being pissed through onto the last time he pissed and another heavy pad ( they use these in the hospital.) Another damned job to undo the wiring and take that off the bed. Got him to agree to sit on his commode while I did it. As he was sitting there I asked for help to cenetr that damned Trapeze so that he wouldn't hit his head on the bar. Dana, Jill and Gil worked to move the bed frame down and fix everything for me ( his bedrail  strapping had loosened ). Dana gave him a "blessing" on his throne as they were ready to leave and I am making the bed. Jill helped me put the mattress pad on. Trevor is in and out as all the commotion is going on in my bedroom. He looked at papa sitting on his commode with a blanket thrown over him and could see the cheeks off his ass. "Papa, you don't have any underwear on", came out of his mouth. I leaned into Dana's shoulder to stifle my laugh. ;0) MY ONE BRIGHT SPOT , yesterday.  Tracie came just as I got him back into bed...washed up down there and a TX condom cath on. Jill made mac,cheese and tomatoes. Gil, Jill and Tracie and I...partook.  I was beat!  It's nearing 9 and I left Tracie on the phone talking to her neice in ME about her upcoming trip to see her the 4th.  Next ...she is signaling me...like with 1 finger up. I get up and go to her in the diningroom. Niece is sending me directions by email ( highway and back roads ) to her place so Tracie can drive there instead of taking the bus.  She leaves and I laid back down. OH, I forgot. Jill left to go get cig's and take her B/P at CVS as instructed my her doctor just before 9 p.m. 
I no sooner laid down than hubby needed to use the bathroom. Had to shit. I could not talk him into using his commode. He kept saying, "it hurts." Meaning it's not comfortable.  It really isn't and with his boney ass, I'm sure it's worse. he wanted his AFO put on. Up I get. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr  I tried and tried with little co-operation to get his AFO and shoe on. He's yell at me and I'd give up in frustration....both of us swearing.  he kept struggling to put it on and i watched and watched and watched . Finally...he has it almost on and I got up again and finished pushing his shoe on and then put his other shoe on. NOW he begins his walk with his walker to the bathroom. I let him go. Just climbed back in bed and waited and waited and waited. FINALLY he comes out....and makes it back to the bed. Can't get his legs up onto the bed. UP I get again. Did not want his shoes off. FINE..I lifted his legs up and covered him over. SLEEP for me ...came around 10 p.m.
Woke to pee and looked at the clock. It was 12:45 . Once back in bed, heard Jill calling for Gil and IF I had been sleeping she would have woke me. Gil, Gil...I need my meds. WTF! She must have been drunk. Must have just came home. I laid there STEWING.Then my left leg began aching. Could not get comfortable on either side.  Sleep would not come. When it finally did...hubby woke ....soaked in piss and having to piss.  3 A.M. I don't know how he managed , but possibly when he used the bathroom toilet he loosened the condom and it was hanging off him. The pad under him as well as his T-shirt was soaked with piss. he is yelling at me to put the urinal under his penis as he stands trying to hold onto the bedrails. After a long wait of holding his fucking urinal, i was allowed to empty it and change the pad. Then he couldn't sit, (make his knees bend to sit). I grabbed his waist and led him down. I took off his T shirt. Gave him another. With that he tosses the T shirt away and lays down sideways taking up more than half of the bed. I kept telling...then yelling at him to get back on his side of the bed so I could get back in. to no avail. Fuck it...climbed in bed and kept pushing his head with my back. he began screaming that i was hurting his head and I'm yelling "then move the fuck over." Did noooo good. Climbed out of bed... pounded my feet as I made my way into the kitchen and turned the coffee pot on. Pounded my feet back to my bedroom and turned the overhead light on. then i got tthe remote and turned the TV on. LOUD! THIS IS WHERE I SIT AT 4 a.m.  I shit you not! I am going to be a raving lunatic come daylight. I shit you not! Umpteen times when I tried to fall back to sleep, Cash would jump up on my bed and I would push him off with my feet. grrrrrrrrrrrrr I had let both Cash and Lady out to pee when I woke to pee.
THIS IS hubby............

The elastic was on his upper leg holding the cath bag on. WAS...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

He has nothing on. He WILL piss the bed again. Hopefully his ass and penis are on the pad. I doubt it though from the position he is laying in....which means.............strip the bed and wash the mattress pad and sheets all over again. Lights, Tv...nothing is bothering his fucking sleep. How much sleep does he fucking need???  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Jill is sleeping peacefully. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The bursa in my right leg is aching as I sit here.  Jeezus, can't I get some relief...somewhere.

I need to call my doctor about my UTI... My Who Who is sore from wiping myself so much.

4:45 a.m. DAYLIGHT IS HERE...just noticed .

7:05 a.m. Hubby has been stirring and complaining of being in piss off and on for over 30 minutes , but hasn't done anything to get himself up off the bed. I try to move his legs to help him and he screams in pain. His legs are always in pain.  I'm....fit to be tied. The other female in this house still sleeps on. I'm hoping that Sarah walks through the door with Gavin and catches her like that. Somehow the fan she put on got knocked over and it's laying there blowing air. Central A/C wasn't enough for her. grrrrrrrrrrr I heard a BANG and Cash yelp around 1:30 a.m.

I hope to Holy Hell that she has a hangover to beat all HELL. I shit you not!

No visitors please....y'awl stay clear of me, cause I'm ready to explode. I shit you not!

All Care nurse will be here today. When? When they call and give me a time. Maybe they can suggest something when they come if they see him like this.  I'd like for him to at least sit up so that I can wash him and put an Attend on him.  He's uncovered himself again and moans and groans. Still hasn't forgotten how to yell at me. Earlier when I  complained of lack of sleep he yelled that I get plenty of fucking sleep. I GIVE UP!

I'm hearing from him now..."I'm drenched."   Fighting the urge to say, " NO SHIT!"

Let's see if he is ready to help me get him out of this situation. sighhhhhhhhh

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D Oh My GAWD!

Oh my gawd....oh my gawd!
How do I get myself into these situations. It's 1;04 a.m. and I have been ...................you just won't believe it, cause I still don't.    I shit you not!

Hubby was his usual self today. Accused me of not giving him his 2 p.m. meds sometime around 6 and continued to ask over and over again when THAT HAPPENED ( me giving him his pills ). Everytime I told him I gave them to him , he would come back at me with......I must have taken them myself. I must have given them to someone else cause I didn't give them to him!   On and on and on.
I forgot to mention that I was whooped from lack of sleep,  today.  I put my shortie pj's on around 3 after Jill fed us hamburgers off the grille and slept til seven. Oh...I forgot to mention that between noon and two hubby was at first using his scizzors on his pubic hair and then he used his older electric razor. NOW mind you...all he needed to do was remove the hair just below the head of his penis, BUT he shaved EVERYWHERE!  I heard from Jill when I woke up that he kept coming out to her and asking her to shave him down there. She kept saying, I'm too busy.  More shit went down during the day. He took his AFO apart and claimed he didn't do it. Lost his long white stocking he has to wear under it ....who knows where that is. I've searched.  He claims he never removed his sock.  Sock, AFO then shoes ( in that order.) He had the AFO and shoe on his bad left foot, missing the sock.  Now tell me how the eff the sock came off by itself. ???????????????? 
   Around 8:30,  I have his TX condom on...he's ready to call it a night. AMEN! :0)  Tracie shows up ....mind you , she came around 3 just before I went to bed for a nap and I told her I was beat and staying in.  She came by again to see if I had changed my mind about going out. Truth be told...she wanted someone to go out to eat with. Okay...so I'm NICE  like that ....I get re-dressed and join her in a pizza down the street ,when secretly I was thinking, I don't need more food,  I should be at the VFW seeing if I can find a dance partner. 
Back home at 9 and she came inside to pee and did leave after she read the obits in the newspaper. I had told her I was going out to the VFW and when she made "mother hen worrying sounds :, I re-informed her that I don't drink. I drink diet coke. 
  So I go....and I sit up at the bar.  Not too long after I got my diet coke I noticed a woman at the end of the bar and she is signaling to me. I point to myself...like me??? Stand up and go to see what she wants.  Oh my fucking good word.  This lady poured her heart out to me. I need someone to talk to, she said.  Cried.... OMG, did she cry! Asked me if I could keep a secret.  Married the love of her life ( they met when she was 13 and have been married forty years. ) She's 60.  She went to the doctor and found out that the warts she newly aquired were Herpes and THAT is how she found out her husband has been seeing hookers.  Her heart is broken ( I'm sure it is) Life is over ( told her no it wasn't ) and so on and so forth. I became her "life saver." Her new best friend. Now mind you I couldn't convince her that she will go on.....hubby is still with her and claims he loves her, but she refuses to believe he could love her and give her a venereal disease. She wants him to die and she wants to die. Oh ...I forgot to say that  SHE WAS ALSO VERY DRUNK.  How could he do this to me, she kept crying out. We had a great sex life....I was no prude...
Anyway...I was sent to her  ...an angel or some damned thing.  Asked me if I'd like a drink at her place. Told her I'd have coffee. ( She had walked to the bar ) SMART LADY :0)
Lo and behold...she lives in my neighborhood.  What an efffin beautiful home she has........................... on the river too. To die for! I shit you not! I have my coffee and she continues to drink her beer.  I know her hubby must have been asleep upstairs cause three vehicles were in the driveway. One was a pickup truck. Two grown sons. One forty and one twenty ( maybe the 20 year old is also at home )I think she said. One grandson, eight years old.
So okay.... she's still crying and swearing and wanting to kill him and I'm thinking how the hell am I going to get myself out of this mess.  THEN she lights a joint and wants to share. I kept refusing...FINALLY after her pushing it at me over and over,  I made that I was taking a puff on it. I'm saying like...I have a UTI and need to get home and take my med.( Earlier in the day I felt like I had a UTI. Jill went to CVS and bought me the test and it reads POS.)  She's saying,I'm a beautiful cook, let me make you something. Repetition....so much repetition.  Before I left I had to swear (the pinkie swear ) that I would return in 20 minutes. She kept saying, "you won't come back, you're lying...swear on it."   Geez I hope this doesn't make me go to HELL for lying . ;0) She tripped over her coffee table in the outdoor cabana and landed on top of it before I left. Fell backwards on it. Upper body landed on a couch, ass on the coffee table.  
I drove home minutes before one a.m. , TALKING TO MYSELF out loud.. Kept asking myself how I get myself into THESE MESSES! I SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME. I shit you not!
NOW...she seems like a nice person to know when she is sober. She gave me her phone number at the bar. Do I call her sometime ....just to go out to dinner. ???????????????????????  She does need a friend. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Once home....hubby had an extra blanket on him ( It's still 70 degrees outside and we have the A/C on)
His tubing had come undone.....he knows not how.  Piss on my old rotten rug ....no problem. Fixed him up again and he's sleeping away as I type this.  I must, MUST,MUST get some shut eye.
It's 1:45 am.  I already know the wheels in my head will be turning and sleep may or may not come for awhile. sighhhhhhhhh   
She (Rita) insisted I try on her wedge shoe that I admired.
We both wear a size 9.  HEY, I could walk in it. :0) May add a pair to my wardrobe. Then again...may not. ;0)
We both wear size 12 clothing, BUT she didn't ask to exchange clothing. ;0)  Did say at the bar that she may go Lezzi AFTER THIS.
Ya know....sure as shit , more and more of tonight's (??? can't find a word for it) is going to come back to me as soon as I lay down.  Here goes..............................BBL

WELL, it's morning. A little after 8 am. Sleep came faster than I thought it would, Woke a few times. Once to pee and once to turn the A/C off. Even under the covers, i was cold. Then every half hour or so after six, I would look at the clock and fall back to sleep. At eight...I knew I had to get up and give a sleeping soundly hubby his meds. WHICH I am still trying to do some twenty minutes later. We just had another bout ( your meds are on the nightstand )...what, huh, yeah okay, (all spoken loudly by him.) Still he makes no move to get up....
Watch what you ask for Pat......he couldn't or didn't want to understand my directions. wanted to sit up...so okay, fine. Oh no, not sit up in bed, but on the side of the bed. I was trying to remove the TX condom and urine filled bag. The bar was not good enough to use...needed my arm to pull him up. That efffing glue/sticky shit stuck the condom to the side of his legs. Once I unstuck that...next it was one of his balls that got stuck to it. IF he had laid there with his legs spread apart....NONE OF THAT would have happened.  I have removed the urine bag and drained and washed it out :0) and he can play with that fucking condom all day as far as I am concerned. I did give him a lubricant jelly to help the process. I'm NICE like that! ;0)
P.S. His meds are still sitting there on his nightstand. A few times he touched the med cup and I thought it was to take them. WRONG!!!!!
It's minutes from...9 a.m.   NEXT it will be my fault that he took his meds late.
He is busy wiping the edge of one of his urinals off with kleenex. Claims...it's wet. NOT!  Has sat hooked to his bedrail since he went in the hospital.  Again...he's hollering over to me where I sit..."It's wet!"  IF there was any moisture on it...it's efffin water, NOT PISS. I wash them out after he uses them. What a JERK! His coffee that he asked for upon awakening...is getting cold. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Now...he is playing with the efffin box of dog cookies...so I ask him, "did you take your meds." No, I didn't, he replied. Why, I asked. "Cause I just didn't," he said. NOW...He MAY or may not have. He likes to play these games. I say...play away asshole.  I'm not playing your games. I shit you not!
It's just ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE. ;0)

THX Jackie...for this one. ;0)

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!