The stage was set and Jill needed to run for cigarettes. While she was gone I laid down and soon hubby was up and walking towards the kitchen. F--K! As he heads back to our room I hear him say, "no ones home." Then he went into the bathroom. Shortly afterwards while he is still in there daughter Michelle comes with her daughter Theresa to see papa. She hadn't seen him in away. Goes to Framingham State College and lives in Framingham. Within minutes Jill was back and now we all hear him moaning in the bathroom. . They helped him into our room. Was in severe pain ( maybe,maybe not ) and wanted to be catherized. Jill did the procedure with Michelle assisting her and while he didn't have alot of urine in his bladder, he did have blood in his urine. Temp taken, no temp.
Called the V.A. Closed. Called the visiting nurse association. Nurse will come out tomorrow. If he spikes a temp take him to E.R.
Gladly.
When I told him what was said, he exclaimed, " They won't keep me will they. I don't want that."
I was mean...told him the would. Know full well that they won't unless he has other problems. They will send him home with antibiotics once they do a culture. DA AAMN!
IT's a new day. 5:30 a.m. the 14th
I'll back track .
The next time hubby urinated I saw RED.
All the urine was red and at the bottom was a large blood clot. Of course I was alarmed.... then. Since then, his urine has been clear. Now how the efff can that happen???? Go from one extreme to the other???
He's on the pot as I type now....took him a good two minutes before he began to void.
When I approached his side of the bed to set his pain med down earlier he asked me if I was there to beat him up. ???? Why would i do that, i softly and calmly said. To which he replied, I dunno.
What woke me at five a.m. was the arm pain and the need to void and I kept Lady in her kennel by my bed last night so I didn't step in pee in the dark as I have been doing of late. She was making sounds to be let out to pee. Climbed back into bed and kept hearing a noise. Would raise up on an arm and look towards the squirrel cage and door and would see nothing. Laid back down and sure enough ...more strange sounds which made me think. Did I bring Lady back in ???? If I didn't , she will be a frozen popsicle/ Pomeranian if I don't get my ass up to check. YEP, sure enough ...it was she. First time since I've had her ( ? 9 years ) that I have done that. Scareyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Just had to wipe his ass. He took a dump and didn't wipe himself good. Too much info???????
I was taken aback at the color of his urine. ORANGE....THEN I REMBERED that for the first time last night as I was watching tv an ad for Uricalm came on . It's for an UTI. Tracie was here. We called CVS...they had it. She went for it . Hubby remembered / was nice and said thank you to her. I didn't get up during the night to empty his pot after he urinated. So sue me........He would shine a flashlight in his pot and say " no blood." That was good enough for me. I shit you not!
HE IS BACK ON HIS POT . Has to pee again. ??????? He was headed towards the bathroom and told me when I inquired as to where he was going, that I told him he couldn't use his pot. For the life of me, I can't even imagine what I said that made him think that. Puzzled...YOU BET!
I know I said the word AGAIN in disbelief, when he raised up off the bed just minutes after voiding.
He's still sitting on the pot. When I asked, he said he didn't know if he went yet. He can't tell, he said. Oh boy...this is going to be a longgggggggggggggggg day . Five a.m. to ?????????
Shortly after five, I made my coffee Jill got up to pee and make her tea. When I once again exclaimed out loud how it was possible to have so much blood in your urine and then pee clear she said, "maybe it was from him playing with himself so much this past week." hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa Punishment!!!!! :0)
As I just made my way to the kitchen to make him coffee, i noticed the pot was EMPTY. False alarm. Must be this UTI. If you've had one you remember all too well , voiding and feeling like you have to void again right afterwards.
Take my word for it. I'm no maschocist! I don't know what MAKES ME TICK!
Why hubby is doing what he has been doing off and on for the past year???????I know not why.
Just the other day when I said to him , alot of times I don't remember to take my own meds and to be truthful there are times I don't give a shit if I die...he said. " what will happen to me if you die". in a plaintive tone.
NOW WTF is he thinking when he exposes his penis and plays with it while telling Jill how much cum he has backed up inside him, and more nasty talk???????????????????
Other than a BJ, he has not been able to have sex in his condition in years/moons. Sorry for him, BUT NOT SORRY FOR HIM! After hearing about him propositioning Jill many months back, I have no desire to relieve him and smell piss now. That's THE WAY IT IS! I was just thinking the other day that I was just like those women that I always say ...needs to get laid. BITCHY. Then this crap hits again. It's been just as long for me as it has for him and I'm not coming on to his son! Too much info. It is what it is!
Where this will all lead???????????????????????????????????
If he sees himself masturbating at the kitchen sink on the ? inch tv in our room, ???????????????????????????
Like I said, I don't have any answers.....
If I had any brains, I'd go back to bed. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh It's 7 a.m. Looks dreary outside. Oh and COLD. 37 degrees COLD!
Poor Lady ...if I had not been more alert to have in the back of my mind; did I or did I not let her back inside. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh We don't know her true age. When I rescued her approx. 9 years ago, the vet I brought her to back then thought she was 3.4.5 ?from the tartar on her teeth.
Yesterday she must have suffered a seizure. Jill heard her yelp under her bed, lifted her out and she could not stand. Kept falling to the side. After awhile she was fine. :0)
She like three other of my small dogs in the past, has the sweeeeetest nature and personality. THIS from a dog that was beaten and neglected. ????????????????????????????????????????????
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
If a dog can forget......................................................................
Eleven a.m. Expecting the visitng nurse soon.
This blog must sound like a Soap Box none like other. My head is still swimming.
Went to get hubby's days worth of meds from my purse earlier and noticed they were LOW!
I'm watching one end of the house and ....the hen got stolen out of the hen house at this end of the house. THAT SOB grandson has had to have slipped into my room at night and got ahold of my purse. Jill went for a DRUG TEST and the shit is about to hit the fan.
I don't have enough pain meds to give hubby til the 28th of this month.
Don't know whether to shit or go blind.
That's All Folks!
I AM WOMAN! Hear me ROAR! February 2012
WARNING !! Not for those with a short attention span. ; 0 )
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
D D I LOST
the psycological war. Come noon time,,,it was so tiring keeping hubby awake ( succeeded that far ) that I needed A NAP. I shit you not!
Managed to sleep fitfully from 12:30 to just after 2. Med time for hubby. Must have a built in alarm clock in my head. ;0)
Butch spent hours putting together the computer desk I bought for Logan to be put in THAT ROOM.
It's pretty decent for $75. Beats the one I have.
Purchased two twin sheet sets on that same receipt and when Butch asked me what the item he was putting together cost, I noticed I was only charged $7.47 a set . Now we both know that twin sheet sets do not go for $7.47. Am I going to go back to Wakmart and show them their mistake. HELL NO!
Logan came home from the long day at school last night ( 2 schools ) and was irratable and crabby as all hell again. Apparently what set him off this time was his brother Gil told him he had a virus on the new computer ( it's a pop up.) Nobody loves him in this house, blah,blah,blah.
As I found out from Jill this morning THAT IS WHAT HIS DAD IS FEEDING HIS HEAD WITH! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Jill said she tells him that HE IS AT THE TOP!
He was awake at twelve thirty a.m. in pain. Jaw/tooth???? I heard her and him and the microwave to heat him up a hot pack. This morning when she woke him for school she told him that if he was too tired he could stay home. Nooooooooooooo, dad said I can't miss any days of school with you. He wants me to save those sick days for when we go to MS to see him and he won't give me the hundred dollars he promised me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
She told him that the day comes that she feels he is too sick to go to school SHE WILL KEEP HIM HOME!
Trust me when I say, I would rather sleep in the same room as a snorer ...than with a GRINDER. I shit you not!
What is behind that gnashing? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm . It's years worth and he has been torn every which way, but loose . His new orders from dad are to call his brother Gil names. You know....druggie, looser. :0( WTF??????????????????????
For awhile yesterday afternoon after waking I did not have the severe sciatic pain. Arm pain was the worst. As of this moment , it still is. Pain/ burning pain is between the top of my shoulder to the elbow.
Hit the hay around ten. I discouraged Tracie from coming ( icy roads ) etc. Jill made baked pork chops along with boiled cabbage, butternut squash, fried mushrooms and onions, wipped taters. yum had plenty leftover, but I knew Tracie would not be able to chew the meat. She doesn't have a tooth in her head. It was not cooked to fall off the bone or melt in your mouth. None the less, it was delishous. I did the dishes and Jill cleaned up everything and put the leftovers away in containers. If Tracie wants one, she can take it tonight.
Don't know what time I managed to fall asleep, Then woke hearing Jill and Logan. Don't know what time I nodded back off. Woke at 3 in discomfort/pain and had to pee. Got up and put hubby's pain med on his nightstand and relieved myself. Back in bed I layed there thinking that I should wake hubby for his pain med. EFFF THAT! Twenty minutes or so later he was stirring and groaning and moaning. He FINALLY was able to rise and sit on his pot. Sit he did! I kept waiting to hear the tinkle sounds. I swear it was a whole two minutes before he could void. I think I timed it to six full minutes to void, wipe himself, rise and get himself back in the bed. NOT COUNTING the time it takes to rise in the first place. sighhhhhhhhhhhh
He is very vocal all the while. Oh and he forgot to take his pain med. Once again I remind him and he puts the headboard light on and takes them. Around four I heard Cash give a loud WOOF . Next ...Jill is putting cash and lady out to pee. NEXT they are hanging arounf my bed ( cookie time, so they thought:0( ) and once Cash jumped up on my bed. :0( Again, it took awhile to get comfortable and nod off. Logan gets up for school just before six. Shower running brings me to an alert stage and up I get. Hubby woke around seven to pee and I am being good today. ;0) He nodded back off and I am being QUIET.
It's a great life...if you don't weaken! ;0)
Think I'll get up and make my way into the kitchen and make myself a fresh,hot coffee and grab an ice pack for my neck. Ice on neck...heat on sciatic nerve for those that might need to know.
Back.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dem knees,dem knees.
What a Fruit Loop hubby is. Right upon waking he complained of being frozen and wanted the space heater turned on. I complied. As for myself I slept in a short sleeved capri length pj and was quite comfortable being up and about.As I pass hubby I noticed that he has NO BLANKETS on his ass or back. Mind you now...he is the only one in bed. He rolled over ( like he usually does onto the blankets), no one pulled them off him like he likes to say that I DO.
Me bad. First cup of coffee the powdered mini donuts on a counter looked good. Now it's the raspberry squares. No one to blame, BUT MYSELF for this weight gain. :0(
Oh my goodness. Just noticed that it's Friday the thirteenth. Not superstitious...well maybe a little bit. ;0)
What did it take? A couple of months??? before son Randy set that clock/hidden camera up for me. That's the ADD and ADHD and all those other DX's. NOW I will have PROOF of who is near my bureau. No more saying I was only putting the dog out or some other BS story.
NOTthat I am leaving more than 6 oxys there at the most. Most days I keep them ALL in my purse and I'm never far from it. hmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe after I get my bureau cleaned off and MY STUFF arranged nicely, I'll set my purse on or in front of it. Nothing like feeling MORE SECURE in your own efffin house!
8:44 a.m. Jill is watching tv in her room and Grandson Gil and hubby are sawing wood zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Lots of school delays in other towns. ICY ROAD CONDITIONS. We had unmeasurable snow here. A dusting. Other places got more.
I have a chiro appointment at 11:50. Hope old mr.Sun comes out and does his thing.
There is NO SUN.....just gray skies. :0(
Cash just let out a LOUD WOOF and it made me jump out of my skin. Apparently Lady is trying to avoid him and is ducking under the bed . Weighing seven pounds and having a ( more than 22 lb beagle ) hump you is NOT TO HER HEARTS DESIRE.More woofing and hubby is stirring and moaning. Med time soon , anyway. That's one way to look at it. The other is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Was it two days back that I picked up my refills.Went to refill my weekly container jast night and something didn't compute in my mind and I need to call my primary to see just what mg's she ordered.
Life is NEVER DULL!
Hubby is rising to void....oops excuse moi...he is in his nightstand getting out dog cookies FIRST.
He's too damned funny! I shit you not!
Time for me to take a break and get some circulation in my legs and get him his coffee, etc. BBL
First recognizable words out of his mouth were, "I'm freezing." To which i replied , "you have to be shittin me."
I've been puttering around in my room. Moving things here to...there. No substantial gain. :0(
Jill is asleep. Gil just jumped in the shower after asking me what time Kathy came to give hubby a sponge bath. It's ten today. :0) In two weeks it all ends. It can't be justified to Medicare that he needs more help. He's at where they consider where he should be. I could pay myself for more services. This is the time that I have been looking forward to...no more people coming. When hubby needed that help..FINE! He can get into the shower unbeknownst to them and has been doing that twice a week. It's only a matter of time I fear that he will be in the hospital again and all services will begin anew. Then again.... I'm hopeful he won't be as he is strong mentally and except for his walking he is able to do some things on his own that he couldn't do before we had those services available to us after his last hospitalization.
Jill and I hadn't been able to talk privately for one reason or another for a good week or more.
She has been making sounds like ( make him put pj bottoms on ) and I could tell something was up.
An hour ago there was just the three of us here ( myself,hubby and her ) and I went to her room and asked what has been going on. Hubby has been coming to her room when I lay down and exposing himself while talking FILTHY. Enormous hard ons , wet dreams five times a night and much more...FUCKING sick way to talk to someone you raised as your daughter from the time she was five years old. She tells him to talk to me, not her. Told him that she is his daughter, Oh your mother just screams and yells at me is one of his sick excuses.
She told me the night she got drunk ( repeated that she wasn't using that as an excuse, there was no excuse for getting drunk ) , but he had been exposing himself and talking filth while I was out with Tracie and she just wanted to get awayyyyyy from him. Grabbed her coat and purse and as we know...she drank. If I had girls mom instead of boys, I'd have to leave here mom, she said.
I don't mind catherizing him, but he implies he needs it when he don't. Thankfully I am on top of that ( he pees frequently ) and nix the catherizing lest he get an UTI. Asked her to come to our room at night and kiss him goodnight, he's lonely, feels unloved.....she told him she would give him a hug only. I SAY FUCK THAT too.
She has told his blood daughter Michelle and asked her to say something to her dad ( might embarrass him if she tells him she knows and put an end to it....is where she is coming from.)
I feels so bad for Michelle having this burden put on her. Dad (hubby) is the only parent she has left. She loved her mom with all her faults and i'm sure she will always love her dad, but something gets taken from you when you leran this ugly part about a loved one. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm sure she is feeling hurt and disgust. Arn't we all??????????????????
What can I do? What can I say? What should I do????????????????????????????
Everytime he gets up off the bed to walk I ask him what he is doing and why. Leave me the fuck alone is what I usually hear. That and I'm exercizing or what do you care.
He tells Jill that I am messing with his meds. Taking his pain meds myself and not giving giving them to him. To me he tells me that I am giving him more than he should have.
I am seriously thinking of putting this clock radio / camera on Jill's nightstand that faces the kitchen and catch him on video IN THE NASTY ACT! THEN CONFRONT HIM. He won't be able to lie his way out of what I show him!
Have talked myself into it. Yep! Gonna do it! It won't catch his words, BUT it will catch his actions! I shit you not!
I will have to let her in on the fact that I have this video camera, but I'm positive that she won't tell her son Gil as she does not condone him taking ANYTHING from his grandparents. Has warned him to never again take one single thing from us. Her intentions are good....we just know how druggies are when they need a fix though. Right now I think the only drug he is using is POT. Friends don't share heroin too freely and he has no money. I have kept the oxys SAFE. NOW....I have a job to do! I shit you not!
Done....the stage is set, now to take a nap.
That's All Folks!
Managed to sleep fitfully from 12:30 to just after 2. Med time for hubby. Must have a built in alarm clock in my head. ;0)
Butch spent hours putting together the computer desk I bought for Logan to be put in THAT ROOM.
It's pretty decent for $75. Beats the one I have.
Purchased two twin sheet sets on that same receipt and when Butch asked me what the item he was putting together cost, I noticed I was only charged $7.47 a set . Now we both know that twin sheet sets do not go for $7.47. Am I going to go back to Wakmart and show them their mistake. HELL NO!
Logan came home from the long day at school last night ( 2 schools ) and was irratable and crabby as all hell again. Apparently what set him off this time was his brother Gil told him he had a virus on the new computer ( it's a pop up.) Nobody loves him in this house, blah,blah,blah.
As I found out from Jill this morning THAT IS WHAT HIS DAD IS FEEDING HIS HEAD WITH! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Jill said she tells him that HE IS AT THE TOP!
He was awake at twelve thirty a.m. in pain. Jaw/tooth???? I heard her and him and the microwave to heat him up a hot pack. This morning when she woke him for school she told him that if he was too tired he could stay home. Nooooooooooooo, dad said I can't miss any days of school with you. He wants me to save those sick days for when we go to MS to see him and he won't give me the hundred dollars he promised me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
She told him that the day comes that she feels he is too sick to go to school SHE WILL KEEP HIM HOME!
Trust me when I say, I would rather sleep in the same room as a snorer ...than with a GRINDER. I shit you not!
What is behind that gnashing? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm . It's years worth and he has been torn every which way, but loose . His new orders from dad are to call his brother Gil names. You know....druggie, looser. :0( WTF??????????????????????
For awhile yesterday afternoon after waking I did not have the severe sciatic pain. Arm pain was the worst. As of this moment , it still is. Pain/ burning pain is between the top of my shoulder to the elbow.
Hit the hay around ten. I discouraged Tracie from coming ( icy roads ) etc. Jill made baked pork chops along with boiled cabbage, butternut squash, fried mushrooms and onions, wipped taters. yum had plenty leftover, but I knew Tracie would not be able to chew the meat. She doesn't have a tooth in her head. It was not cooked to fall off the bone or melt in your mouth. None the less, it was delishous. I did the dishes and Jill cleaned up everything and put the leftovers away in containers. If Tracie wants one, she can take it tonight.
Don't know what time I managed to fall asleep, Then woke hearing Jill and Logan. Don't know what time I nodded back off. Woke at 3 in discomfort/pain and had to pee. Got up and put hubby's pain med on his nightstand and relieved myself. Back in bed I layed there thinking that I should wake hubby for his pain med. EFFF THAT! Twenty minutes or so later he was stirring and groaning and moaning. He FINALLY was able to rise and sit on his pot. Sit he did! I kept waiting to hear the tinkle sounds. I swear it was a whole two minutes before he could void. I think I timed it to six full minutes to void, wipe himself, rise and get himself back in the bed. NOT COUNTING the time it takes to rise in the first place. sighhhhhhhhhhhh
He is very vocal all the while. Oh and he forgot to take his pain med. Once again I remind him and he puts the headboard light on and takes them. Around four I heard Cash give a loud WOOF . Next ...Jill is putting cash and lady out to pee. NEXT they are hanging arounf my bed ( cookie time, so they thought:0( ) and once Cash jumped up on my bed. :0( Again, it took awhile to get comfortable and nod off. Logan gets up for school just before six. Shower running brings me to an alert stage and up I get. Hubby woke around seven to pee and I am being good today. ;0) He nodded back off and I am being QUIET.
It's a great life...if you don't weaken! ;0)
Think I'll get up and make my way into the kitchen and make myself a fresh,hot coffee and grab an ice pack for my neck. Ice on neck...heat on sciatic nerve for those that might need to know.
Back.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dem knees,dem knees.
What a Fruit Loop hubby is. Right upon waking he complained of being frozen and wanted the space heater turned on. I complied. As for myself I slept in a short sleeved capri length pj and was quite comfortable being up and about.As I pass hubby I noticed that he has NO BLANKETS on his ass or back. Mind you now...he is the only one in bed. He rolled over ( like he usually does onto the blankets), no one pulled them off him like he likes to say that I DO.
Me bad. First cup of coffee the powdered mini donuts on a counter looked good. Now it's the raspberry squares. No one to blame, BUT MYSELF for this weight gain. :0(
Oh my goodness. Just noticed that it's Friday the thirteenth. Not superstitious...well maybe a little bit. ;0)
What did it take? A couple of months??? before son Randy set that clock/hidden camera up for me. That's the ADD and ADHD and all those other DX's. NOW I will have PROOF of who is near my bureau. No more saying I was only putting the dog out or some other BS story.
NOTthat I am leaving more than 6 oxys there at the most. Most days I keep them ALL in my purse and I'm never far from it. hmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe after I get my bureau cleaned off and MY STUFF arranged nicely, I'll set my purse on or in front of it. Nothing like feeling MORE SECURE in your own efffin house!
8:44 a.m. Jill is watching tv in her room and Grandson Gil and hubby are sawing wood zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Lots of school delays in other towns. ICY ROAD CONDITIONS. We had unmeasurable snow here. A dusting. Other places got more.
I have a chiro appointment at 11:50. Hope old mr.Sun comes out and does his thing.
There is NO SUN.....just gray skies. :0(
Cash just let out a LOUD WOOF and it made me jump out of my skin. Apparently Lady is trying to avoid him and is ducking under the bed . Weighing seven pounds and having a ( more than 22 lb beagle ) hump you is NOT TO HER HEARTS DESIRE.More woofing and hubby is stirring and moaning. Med time soon , anyway. That's one way to look at it. The other is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Was it two days back that I picked up my refills.Went to refill my weekly container jast night and something didn't compute in my mind and I need to call my primary to see just what mg's she ordered.
Life is NEVER DULL!
Hubby is rising to void....oops excuse moi...he is in his nightstand getting out dog cookies FIRST.
He's too damned funny! I shit you not!
Time for me to take a break and get some circulation in my legs and get him his coffee, etc. BBL
First recognizable words out of his mouth were, "I'm freezing." To which i replied , "you have to be shittin me."
I've been puttering around in my room. Moving things here to...there. No substantial gain. :0(
Jill is asleep. Gil just jumped in the shower after asking me what time Kathy came to give hubby a sponge bath. It's ten today. :0) In two weeks it all ends. It can't be justified to Medicare that he needs more help. He's at where they consider where he should be. I could pay myself for more services. This is the time that I have been looking forward to...no more people coming. When hubby needed that help..FINE! He can get into the shower unbeknownst to them and has been doing that twice a week. It's only a matter of time I fear that he will be in the hospital again and all services will begin anew. Then again.... I'm hopeful he won't be as he is strong mentally and except for his walking he is able to do some things on his own that he couldn't do before we had those services available to us after his last hospitalization.
Jill and I hadn't been able to talk privately for one reason or another for a good week or more.
She has been making sounds like ( make him put pj bottoms on ) and I could tell something was up.
An hour ago there was just the three of us here ( myself,hubby and her ) and I went to her room and asked what has been going on. Hubby has been coming to her room when I lay down and exposing himself while talking FILTHY. Enormous hard ons , wet dreams five times a night and much more...FUCKING sick way to talk to someone you raised as your daughter from the time she was five years old. She tells him to talk to me, not her. Told him that she is his daughter, Oh your mother just screams and yells at me is one of his sick excuses.
She told me the night she got drunk ( repeated that she wasn't using that as an excuse, there was no excuse for getting drunk ) , but he had been exposing himself and talking filth while I was out with Tracie and she just wanted to get awayyyyyy from him. Grabbed her coat and purse and as we know...she drank. If I had girls mom instead of boys, I'd have to leave here mom, she said.
I don't mind catherizing him, but he implies he needs it when he don't. Thankfully I am on top of that ( he pees frequently ) and nix the catherizing lest he get an UTI. Asked her to come to our room at night and kiss him goodnight, he's lonely, feels unloved.....she told him she would give him a hug only. I SAY FUCK THAT too.
She has told his blood daughter Michelle and asked her to say something to her dad ( might embarrass him if she tells him she knows and put an end to it....is where she is coming from.)
I feels so bad for Michelle having this burden put on her. Dad (hubby) is the only parent she has left. She loved her mom with all her faults and i'm sure she will always love her dad, but something gets taken from you when you leran this ugly part about a loved one. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm sure she is feeling hurt and disgust. Arn't we all??????????????????
What can I do? What can I say? What should I do????????????????????????????
Everytime he gets up off the bed to walk I ask him what he is doing and why. Leave me the fuck alone is what I usually hear. That and I'm exercizing or what do you care.
He tells Jill that I am messing with his meds. Taking his pain meds myself and not giving giving them to him. To me he tells me that I am giving him more than he should have.
I am seriously thinking of putting this clock radio / camera on Jill's nightstand that faces the kitchen and catch him on video IN THE NASTY ACT! THEN CONFRONT HIM. He won't be able to lie his way out of what I show him!
Have talked myself into it. Yep! Gonna do it! It won't catch his words, BUT it will catch his actions! I shit you not!
I will have to let her in on the fact that I have this video camera, but I'm positive that she won't tell her son Gil as she does not condone him taking ANYTHING from his grandparents. Has warned him to never again take one single thing from us. Her intentions are good....we just know how druggies are when they need a fix though. Right now I think the only drug he is using is POT. Friends don't share heroin too freely and he has no money. I have kept the oxys SAFE. NOW....I have a job to do! I shit you not!
Done....the stage is set, now to take a nap.
That's All Folks!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
D D I'm declaring WAR!
Less than an hour after I posted last night, hubby was relating to daughter MIchelle how his doctor appointment went down and BLAMED ME FOR EVERYTHING. Claimed to her that I took center stage telling the doctor about my aches and pains and HE is the patient.
I SAW RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Words flew out of both of us. Told him next time I will stay in the lobby, to which he replied GOOD, that's what he wants. YOU GOT IT!!!!!
Any time a care giver of his makes any conversation with me, he waits til after they leave and lights into me. THEY ARE HERE FOR ME!
Of course Tracie was here and heard all of this. :0( She had come to drive me to Walmart for my meds.
Came home close to ten and Michelle and Tracie left around eleven. Changed into my pj's ( forgot to take that disc out of the camera; tee hee hee) tried to get in a position I could be half way comfy, ( be damned if I was going to ask for a kiss goodnight )...he did. Then I laid there and laid there and layed there. Sleep would not come.Not only was in pain, but had LOTS on my mind. Around midnight I heard the micro wave going. ( Found out this morning it was Logan heating up a hot pack. Had pain somewhere.)
Slept in ONE POSITION facing hubby ( which is not the side I sleep on ) fitfully.
Three thirty I wake and realize he had not woken to pee in those past three hours or so, hence I didn't give him his pain med. Not to fear...he wakes and rises ever so slowly to get on his pot. I heard the piss stream end and told him I had his pain med in my hands. WAIT he yells, I'm still pissing and he sat and sat and sat on his pot. Tick, tick, tick,tick..... After which.....is the long process of wiping himself with old hand towels. Back in bed...I give him his meds and try to fall back to sleep. Eventually I do...then I hear dog collars clinging tags. Heard Cash growl and got up to let him out. It's maybe five something now. Jill was up and she let him in. I stepped in dog pee later this morning when it was still dark outside. Good old Lady Bug. :0(
It was at this time that I feel movement from hubby's side of the bed. I knew what he was up to when I felt him reaching for something in his nightstand. WTF! Getting the dogs their cookies, he tells me when I asked what he was doing ( knowing full well what he was doing. ) The dogs are going to be looking for their cookies, says he.
THE DOGS CAN WAIT, I yelled. It's not even fuckin 6.
Dozed off again and what wakes me at 6:30. Oh yeah, he claimed he had to pee again. He was also getting DOG COOKIES. he peed at 3:30, 5:30 and now it's 6:30 and since then he pissed at 7:30. WTF! I tore out of that bed like a madman and in passing Jill I told her a war was going to break out today. Made him his coffee. No going back to sleep for him ( if he had that idea in his head ). No sirreeeeeeeee!
My laptop is in my bedroom....I turned a high intensity light on up above my laptop and he now has the tv on AFTER feeding the dogs their cookies. If I see him nod off today..... a Carol Burnett /Vickie Lawrence skit is playing in my head! I shit you not!
Rained all night and now it's turned to snow.
GUESS WHAT?
Jill informed me that one of the efffin skylights in THAT ROOM is leaking. Just wait til hubby hears this. :0( He predicted it would LEAK! He'll have a Field Day with this. I told you so...I told you so. SOAB!
WHAT NEXT!
SOAB!!! Heard snoring behind me. Oh no,no,no..NO,NO!
Wakey,wakey. Told him it was time to sleep when it was dark out. Play with the dogs or something now. He's claiming I was the one that was doing all the talking at three something this morning. That he was already on his pot when I tried to hand him his pain meds. BS!
I'm NO LIGHT WEIGHT and every time I cross my floor I am pounding my heels and rocking the floor. Just handed him his morning meds and he claims that I put FOUR pain pills in his med cup.
I WISH! Noooooooooo, just 2 pain meds. 1 metoprolol and 1 finisteride. There are three different sized small pills in that cup!
Hubby has been on the pot a few more times. Lady is snapping at Cash. He's trying to hump her.
I tried to sqweeze my fat ass into my size 14 jeans yesterday. DIDN'T HAPPEN. I shit you not! So what am I chowing down on today, everytime I pass the kitchen counter. Cherry flavored heart jellies and now ...powdered mini donuts. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hubby has pissed again. It's going to start smelling if I don't empty it soon. SO WHAT'S NEW! A shit house that smells like a piss house. IT IS WHAT IT IS!
Oh...how cute! We have a pail under that skylight leak. :0(
Visiting nurse will be here at two. Michelle. Have I met her before???
Tracie was wishing that she had an air mattress for me to go to her place and get some rest last night. THANKS, BUT NO THANKS! Told her I was too old to get up off an air mattress.
For your reading pleasure.
two way marriage
Mind your manners.
Being polite is a great way to give and get respect. In addition to saying please and thank you , present your opinions and desires diplmatically, instead of " You're ewatching tv ," try " I would really love to spend more time with you. I wish we could take a walk together. Maybe when the game is over?"
Don't try to be numero uno.
If you are winning, somebody else is losing. And that will be either you or your spouse or the marriage. Go for what will help the long term relationship, not the short term victory.
Do a solo, together.
This means couple time, just the two of you. Plan something where you have to talk to each other, like going to a restaurant where you know the service will be slow.
Go it alone, from time to time.
Solitude not only allows you to reenergize, it also helps you gain perspective....especially if you have just had an argument.
See the other person's point of view.
There are always at least three sides to any discussion or disagreement; what's good for each of you and what will help the marriage. If you have children, their needs should also be taken into consideration.
Agree to disagree.
Women want closure. We think if we talk long enough we can agree on everything. But a lot of things in a marriage don't require consensus. All couples, including those in a healthy marriage have a list of things they don't see eye to eye on.
Promote your partner's well-being.
What's good for one of you is good for both. If your partner's worn out or struggling to reach a goal, do what you can to help him recover or ge where he is going.
(THIS MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A MAN!) What about using HIM/HER???
Say what you need.
You deserve support for your dreams too....ask for it.
(OH ....THIS MUST BE FOR ME...THE HER,)
It's nine thirty. Dear Abby, better known as Daffy will leave you with those PEARLS of wisdom to use as you wish.
Sitting any length of time makes rising up onto my right foot not only painful, but difficult.
Last night Tracie bought her church friend alot of cat toys and some foods she thought the cat might like. :0)
This elderly lady is watching someone elses cat while they have surgery and rehab. Tracie offered to buy her one from the shelter to keep her company when this cat leaves. Oh No, she told her. Not at my age. Did I say the other day that she's 89. Tracie's heart is in the right place, BUT that woman is right. Hope she listens to her.
That's All Folks!
I SAW RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Words flew out of both of us. Told him next time I will stay in the lobby, to which he replied GOOD, that's what he wants. YOU GOT IT!!!!!
Any time a care giver of his makes any conversation with me, he waits til after they leave and lights into me. THEY ARE HERE FOR ME!
Of course Tracie was here and heard all of this. :0( She had come to drive me to Walmart for my meds.
Came home close to ten and Michelle and Tracie left around eleven. Changed into my pj's ( forgot to take that disc out of the camera; tee hee hee) tried to get in a position I could be half way comfy, ( be damned if I was going to ask for a kiss goodnight )...he did. Then I laid there and laid there and layed there. Sleep would not come.Not only was in pain, but had LOTS on my mind. Around midnight I heard the micro wave going. ( Found out this morning it was Logan heating up a hot pack. Had pain somewhere.)
Slept in ONE POSITION facing hubby ( which is not the side I sleep on ) fitfully.
Three thirty I wake and realize he had not woken to pee in those past three hours or so, hence I didn't give him his pain med. Not to fear...he wakes and rises ever so slowly to get on his pot. I heard the piss stream end and told him I had his pain med in my hands. WAIT he yells, I'm still pissing and he sat and sat and sat on his pot. Tick, tick, tick,tick..... After which.....is the long process of wiping himself with old hand towels. Back in bed...I give him his meds and try to fall back to sleep. Eventually I do...then I hear dog collars clinging tags. Heard Cash growl and got up to let him out. It's maybe five something now. Jill was up and she let him in. I stepped in dog pee later this morning when it was still dark outside. Good old Lady Bug. :0(
It was at this time that I feel movement from hubby's side of the bed. I knew what he was up to when I felt him reaching for something in his nightstand. WTF! Getting the dogs their cookies, he tells me when I asked what he was doing ( knowing full well what he was doing. ) The dogs are going to be looking for their cookies, says he.
THE DOGS CAN WAIT, I yelled. It's not even fuckin 6.
Dozed off again and what wakes me at 6:30. Oh yeah, he claimed he had to pee again. He was also getting DOG COOKIES. he peed at 3:30, 5:30 and now it's 6:30 and since then he pissed at 7:30. WTF! I tore out of that bed like a madman and in passing Jill I told her a war was going to break out today. Made him his coffee. No going back to sleep for him ( if he had that idea in his head ). No sirreeeeeeeee!
My laptop is in my bedroom....I turned a high intensity light on up above my laptop and he now has the tv on AFTER feeding the dogs their cookies. If I see him nod off today..... a Carol Burnett /Vickie Lawrence skit is playing in my head! I shit you not!
Rained all night and now it's turned to snow.
GUESS WHAT?
Jill informed me that one of the efffin skylights in THAT ROOM is leaking. Just wait til hubby hears this. :0( He predicted it would LEAK! He'll have a Field Day with this. I told you so...I told you so. SOAB!
WHAT NEXT!
SOAB!!! Heard snoring behind me. Oh no,no,no..NO,NO!
Wakey,wakey. Told him it was time to sleep when it was dark out. Play with the dogs or something now. He's claiming I was the one that was doing all the talking at three something this morning. That he was already on his pot when I tried to hand him his pain meds. BS!
I'm NO LIGHT WEIGHT and every time I cross my floor I am pounding my heels and rocking the floor. Just handed him his morning meds and he claims that I put FOUR pain pills in his med cup.
I WISH! Noooooooooo, just 2 pain meds. 1 metoprolol and 1 finisteride. There are three different sized small pills in that cup!
Hubby has been on the pot a few more times. Lady is snapping at Cash. He's trying to hump her.
I tried to sqweeze my fat ass into my size 14 jeans yesterday. DIDN'T HAPPEN. I shit you not! So what am I chowing down on today, everytime I pass the kitchen counter. Cherry flavored heart jellies and now ...powdered mini donuts. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hubby has pissed again. It's going to start smelling if I don't empty it soon. SO WHAT'S NEW! A shit house that smells like a piss house. IT IS WHAT IT IS!
Oh...how cute! We have a pail under that skylight leak. :0(
Visiting nurse will be here at two. Michelle. Have I met her before???
Tracie was wishing that she had an air mattress for me to go to her place and get some rest last night. THANKS, BUT NO THANKS! Told her I was too old to get up off an air mattress.
For your reading pleasure.
two way marriage
Mind your manners.
Being polite is a great way to give and get respect. In addition to saying please and thank you , present your opinions and desires diplmatically, instead of " You're ewatching tv ," try " I would really love to spend more time with you. I wish we could take a walk together. Maybe when the game is over?"
Don't try to be numero uno.
If you are winning, somebody else is losing. And that will be either you or your spouse or the marriage. Go for what will help the long term relationship, not the short term victory.
Do a solo, together.
This means couple time, just the two of you. Plan something where you have to talk to each other, like going to a restaurant where you know the service will be slow.
Go it alone, from time to time.
Solitude not only allows you to reenergize, it also helps you gain perspective....especially if you have just had an argument.
See the other person's point of view.
There are always at least three sides to any discussion or disagreement; what's good for each of you and what will help the marriage. If you have children, their needs should also be taken into consideration.
Agree to disagree.
Women want closure. We think if we talk long enough we can agree on everything. But a lot of things in a marriage don't require consensus. All couples, including those in a healthy marriage have a list of things they don't see eye to eye on.
Promote your partner's well-being.
What's good for one of you is good for both. If your partner's worn out or struggling to reach a goal, do what you can to help him recover or ge where he is going.
(THIS MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A MAN!) What about using HIM/HER???
Say what you need.
You deserve support for your dreams too....ask for it.
(OH ....THIS MUST BE FOR ME...THE HER,)
It's nine thirty. Dear Abby, better known as Daffy will leave you with those PEARLS of wisdom to use as you wish.
Sitting any length of time makes rising up onto my right foot not only painful, but difficult.
Last night Tracie bought her church friend alot of cat toys and some foods she thought the cat might like. :0)
This elderly lady is watching someone elses cat while they have surgery and rehab. Tracie offered to buy her one from the shelter to keep her company when this cat leaves. Oh No, she told her. Not at my age. Did I say the other day that she's 89. Tracie's heart is in the right place, BUT that woman is right. Hope she listens to her.
That's All Folks!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
D D Agony
There is no other single word to describe what my pain level is at night. All night!
The only position I can sleep is on my back and I have never been a back sleeper and therefore find it very uncomfortable to even fall to sleep.
Had Trigger Point therapy after my adjustment on Monday. Will again this p.m. as this morning I take hubby to see his primary at eleven and will again on Friday. My old boss Sandy said if we see no results, next week he will do xrays of my back and do a long exam.
As I sit here at the table now....constant searing pain from my upper shoulder all down my entire arm to my wrist is with me. I swear this is my punishment for not being as sensitive to hubby's pain as I could be at times.
7:20 a.m. the phone rings. WTF! Tracie. She remembered that she still had all of her cleaning supplies purchased at Walmart three days ago in my car trunk and was concerned that they would be in my way to get hubby's wheelchair in. DON;T ASK! Okay, I'll give you the low down on how that happened. When we pulled into the driveway at 9p.m. Monday she asked if they would freeze and when i answered Negative, she asked if she could leave them there until Tuesday as her car was full. SHE WASN'T AND AIN'T SHITTING! Every space is loaded with purchases and empty cans and bottles as well as paper wrappers, etc, that should have hit the trash longgggg ago. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh She isn't a hoarder though. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yesterday she came at 7:30 p.m. and watched what I like to refer to as the Floor Show with a leftover meal we offered her. Butch gave Gil a haircut, Logan was in a MOOD ( I wrongly assumed he had no regular school and only went to the tech school.) Oh no! Full day at school, then bussed to the tech and bussed home at 6p.m. something. He made a dental mold and numbered the teeth. He had tons of regular homework. I'm assuming the snack offered at the tech wasn't enough to carry him through the hours until he was home and fed supper. Had a headache and was famished.
Somewhere in all this he rough housed with cash and cash kept nipping him good. Kept telling him he was going about things all wrong. The dog needed to know who was boss and needed to be lowered to the floor and held down. He needs to be aware that we are the Alpha's. If the dog bites him hard some day....he has been warned. I can see it happening because Logan thinks it's a game and his dog is TopDog and strong. Why it's my concern when his mother is right here.....efff me if i know. Oh I do know. It is a good scar waiting to happen and NO JOKE!
By ten p.m. I was asking what time THIS ZOO CLOSED!!!!! Today I will ask this little shit if he is familiar with Skype. Knowing full well that he is. Last night after he was FINALLY in bed I put my head in his door to wish him Sweet Dreams and his first words when he saw me were," I'm not on the phone nana, I haven't had the phone in my hands." He must think his nana is STUPID. I shit you not! I'd bank on the fact that his dad and he were chatting on Skype.
At the supper table he kept saying he was going to become a lawyer. After hearing that a half dozen times, I piped up and told him that was fine with me. I wasn't going to let him get my goat which seemed like what he was trying to do. No rise out of me. Nor did I do my usual ...have you done your homework.
Dang....he was dragging his ass this morning getting ready for school. Live and Learn. I could have walked into his room and seen him using Skype and put an end to it, but why upset myself. It's mom's fucking job to be on top of things!
Tracie begged off taking her shit out of my trunk last night. I will not need to use my trunk as once hubby gets out to the car and in, I use the V.A.'s wheelchair to get him in. Less lifting for moi, even if it is a light weight transfer chair. :0) Today....those purchases of hers...MUST GO.
Most puzzling was; what the Hell was Tracie doing awake this morning. She sleeps til afternoon !
Did i tell you that she went to visit aanother friend the other night when she didn't come here. :0)
Knows her from church years back ( as Tracie is not a church goer now ). Eight years old, a widow and lives on her own. She drives, BUT. Just to church locally to teach Sunday School and then drives to another town after those services to attend a Cambodian church and teach there also.
Tracie will be driving her to the Mall Friday so she can do some shopping. YAY! She best clean off her front passenger seat before then and remove all the empty and partial filled water and Sprite bottle rolling around on the floor. I'm still able to plant ONE foot between the shit and and safely sit down on the seat, kick stuff aside and bring my other foot in. At eighty...ALL BETS ARE OFF!
Since I got my new car she has been driving mine when we go out.....sometimes it upsets me if it is still daylight . I want to drive DIRECT from Point A to Point B ASAP and get myself riled up as we make so many twists and turns to do ALL BACK ROADS. Now I know...what's the diff? We do arrive where we are going. TIME! I don't want to spend that much time driving! I let her talk me out of getting behind the wheel most every time. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh She wants to make an excursion out of the day....I don't! Plain and simply...I DON'T! Then I hear...you need to get out and away from the house for awhile. WHICH...may be true, but the shit I left behind is still there to do when I get home and by then..I'M BEAT and SORE! Walking at the end of the day at a forty five degree angle IS NOT ATTRACTIVE, nor COMFORTABLE! I shit you not!
This morning I had to go out in the freezing cold air to retrieve hubby's pain meds and fill another weeks worth to carry in my purse. My thinking is...I rather lose a weeks worth than a months worth IF SOMEONE MANAGES TO SWIPE THEM. It's going to be real fun traisping through the snow and ice to my car to retrieve them once the snow flies....which should be tomorrow. NOT! Let's hope by next Wednesday the driveway is clear. Frost is all over my car. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Okay...must motivate. Nine thirty and in an hour I have to have hubby and myself ready to leave the door. BBL
I worked my ass off yesterday in my closet. Asked Gil for help reaching shelves and he did so without a problem. ;0) Still not done, but HEADWAY has been made !
You can see my floor again! ;0) The rest can wait for another day. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. :0)
What could be said about hubby's doctor visit. I almost broke down in front of his doctor. He didn't want to hear about me. Refused to up his pain med claiming his brain won't tolerate it and said hubby is on more oxycodone than any other of his patients.
I spoke my mind. Not that it did me any good, but seeing that sign again in the office hubby had his BP taken in ( the one that says, Nobody should have to be in pain. Talk to your doctor, blah,blah,blah ....set me off. he took his pain med at 8a.m. He is asked what his pain level is at 11 a.m. and he answers ( 8 ). WTF! His doctor got short with me and said if I wanted him an methadone have that pain management doctor call him. He already knows what will happen to hubby. Long shelf life, blah,blah,blah, His tone sounded all gloom and doom. THEN he had the nerve to tell me that if I ever lost his monthly pills...he WOULD NOT refill them. His attitude and tone of voice pissed me off royaly. Told him I hadn't called YET and I won't be calling. Hubby can just suffer more.
I asked why his pain med says 2-5mg tablets four times a day AS NEEDED instead of leaving off the AS NEEDED . He tells me and I am sure he is right that once he goes into the hospital or a rehab it is the attending physician that makes the choices on what meds he gets, OR DOESN'T GET. No matter how his meds are written by him, THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.
Well stupid me...I was unaware of that. No wonder they were able to take all his pain meds away and cause him to be in horrible withdrawals. THEY PLAY GOD! I shit you not!
NOT ON MY WATCH ANYMORE! I will stay there 24/7 and INSIST as his health proxy and POA that he gets pain meds. I told this doctor I would put an animal of mine down if it was in the pain hubby was. From his reaction, he didn't like it. To efffin bad!
B/P was 122/64. Guess I'm doing something right by dispensing him his meds on time.
The entire ride home, I felt like I was crying inside.
Grand daughter Jessica an R.N. was at the chiro's when I went there at 3:25. Told her about his primary doctor visit today and she said it's not true that all pain meds are the same. She worked in a rest home and the drug Saboxin..Saboxon given in 10mg tablets helped manage alot of her patients pain. Their pain management person RX'd this. She too was AGAINST METHADONE though. Anymore....I don't know what to do. I shit you not!
If my pain doesn't have me awake, HE DOES! My arm wanted to reach out and hit him in the head at three this morning. He was freezing. After listening to him bitch awhile i painfully dragged myself on of bed and put weight bear on my right leg and limped to the thermastat in the diningroom. Then he wanted his Pelonis heater plugged in to take the chill out of our room. THEN he has the nerve MOST MORNINGS to have his t shirt off because it was soaking wet, he claims. GIMMEE A BREAK! He has me wide awake by that time and between that and my pain, I lie there awake for a long time. Sleep fitfully eludes me.....oh hell...why go into it any more. sighhhhhhhh
Jill was sick to her stomach and had the dirreah and spent most of her day in her bedroom. I wasn't aware that she was sick and come ten twenty I played maschochist and got hubby out to and in the car by myself. Gil was sawing zzzzzzzzzz's too.
Well I toss that work MOST , but Low and Behold .....surprise, surprise , she went off with Butch to eat around 2ish after Logan got home from school and came back at five. Long efffin lunch/supper. whatever! She ordered chili of all efffin things. Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
One thirty I layed down and tried to nap. Hubby insisted on walking and put his brace on wrong. Leave me the fuck alone.....yes sir, you got it. Told him he was signing his own death knell if he falls and breaks a hip. Somehow I managed to get a nap. :0)
The new chiro associate saw me today. He explained that womens hips are not as strong as mens hips and women are on their feet alot and put most of their weight bearing on their right foot. he said more, but I didn't retain it. Made sense though. Illio ? ? ? between my hip and knee is what is causing my right leg pain.
Daughter Michelle will be here at 6:30 so I can go off and get a break. Outside of my RX's at Walmart that I am out of...I need nothing. Peace of mind I will have though. She won't go off and leave hubby to persue her own good times and come back shit faced.
It's 5:48 now.
Let's see what's going on down the other end of the house now.
Jill has her pj's on and has made a supper of BBQ chicken legs and asparagus for Logan and hubby. I'm surprised that hubby wanted to eat now. Was feeling nauseas before and during his doctor visit, nauseas all the way home ( wanted the heat off ) and refused the lunch I fixed him. Agreed to cereal around 3;30 p.m.
Butch ate like a hog while they were out she said and he's curled up watching tv on her bed. Home Sweet Home. So they are home for the night and Michelle will be at this end of the house spending quality time with her dad. :0)
Bad weather is expected tomorrow. :0( Nothing that I have to leave home for. :0)
Son Randy came today for awhile. Did a few things that he has left undone. Also brought my secret camera , READY TO GO and set it up. Then he calls back and tells me that maybe when I am home I should take the whatchamacallit out so I won't video myself undressing. hahaahaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Any motion in my bedroom turns this thing on. Good and not so good. ;0)
If I didn't need my meds, I wouldn't go out tonight. No energy.
Think I will try to read a few blogs and six thirty will be here before I know it.
Cash is trying to hump poor little 7 lb Lady. She / We go through this same shit every day.
Is it only me that hears her yipping in complaint??????????????????????????
My voice is sounding my frustration that no one is remanding or restraining him. I heard Jill yell his name.
It gets efffin tiring. I shit you not!
That's All Folks!
The only position I can sleep is on my back and I have never been a back sleeper and therefore find it very uncomfortable to even fall to sleep.
Had Trigger Point therapy after my adjustment on Monday. Will again this p.m. as this morning I take hubby to see his primary at eleven and will again on Friday. My old boss Sandy said if we see no results, next week he will do xrays of my back and do a long exam.
As I sit here at the table now....constant searing pain from my upper shoulder all down my entire arm to my wrist is with me. I swear this is my punishment for not being as sensitive to hubby's pain as I could be at times.
7:20 a.m. the phone rings. WTF! Tracie. She remembered that she still had all of her cleaning supplies purchased at Walmart three days ago in my car trunk and was concerned that they would be in my way to get hubby's wheelchair in. DON;T ASK! Okay, I'll give you the low down on how that happened. When we pulled into the driveway at 9p.m. Monday she asked if they would freeze and when i answered Negative, she asked if she could leave them there until Tuesday as her car was full. SHE WASN'T AND AIN'T SHITTING! Every space is loaded with purchases and empty cans and bottles as well as paper wrappers, etc, that should have hit the trash longgggg ago. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh She isn't a hoarder though. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yesterday she came at 7:30 p.m. and watched what I like to refer to as the Floor Show with a leftover meal we offered her. Butch gave Gil a haircut, Logan was in a MOOD ( I wrongly assumed he had no regular school and only went to the tech school.) Oh no! Full day at school, then bussed to the tech and bussed home at 6p.m. something. He made a dental mold and numbered the teeth. He had tons of regular homework. I'm assuming the snack offered at the tech wasn't enough to carry him through the hours until he was home and fed supper. Had a headache and was famished.
Somewhere in all this he rough housed with cash and cash kept nipping him good. Kept telling him he was going about things all wrong. The dog needed to know who was boss and needed to be lowered to the floor and held down. He needs to be aware that we are the Alpha's. If the dog bites him hard some day....he has been warned. I can see it happening because Logan thinks it's a game and his dog is TopDog and strong. Why it's my concern when his mother is right here.....efff me if i know. Oh I do know. It is a good scar waiting to happen and NO JOKE!
By ten p.m. I was asking what time THIS ZOO CLOSED!!!!! Today I will ask this little shit if he is familiar with Skype. Knowing full well that he is. Last night after he was FINALLY in bed I put my head in his door to wish him Sweet Dreams and his first words when he saw me were," I'm not on the phone nana, I haven't had the phone in my hands." He must think his nana is STUPID. I shit you not! I'd bank on the fact that his dad and he were chatting on Skype.
At the supper table he kept saying he was going to become a lawyer. After hearing that a half dozen times, I piped up and told him that was fine with me. I wasn't going to let him get my goat which seemed like what he was trying to do. No rise out of me. Nor did I do my usual ...have you done your homework.
Dang....he was dragging his ass this morning getting ready for school. Live and Learn. I could have walked into his room and seen him using Skype and put an end to it, but why upset myself. It's mom's fucking job to be on top of things!
Tracie begged off taking her shit out of my trunk last night. I will not need to use my trunk as once hubby gets out to the car and in, I use the V.A.'s wheelchair to get him in. Less lifting for moi, even if it is a light weight transfer chair. :0) Today....those purchases of hers...MUST GO.
Most puzzling was; what the Hell was Tracie doing awake this morning. She sleeps til afternoon !
Did i tell you that she went to visit aanother friend the other night when she didn't come here. :0)
Knows her from church years back ( as Tracie is not a church goer now ). Eight years old, a widow and lives on her own. She drives, BUT. Just to church locally to teach Sunday School and then drives to another town after those services to attend a Cambodian church and teach there also.
Tracie will be driving her to the Mall Friday so she can do some shopping. YAY! She best clean off her front passenger seat before then and remove all the empty and partial filled water and Sprite bottle rolling around on the floor. I'm still able to plant ONE foot between the shit and and safely sit down on the seat, kick stuff aside and bring my other foot in. At eighty...ALL BETS ARE OFF!
Since I got my new car she has been driving mine when we go out.....sometimes it upsets me if it is still daylight . I want to drive DIRECT from Point A to Point B ASAP and get myself riled up as we make so many twists and turns to do ALL BACK ROADS. Now I know...what's the diff? We do arrive where we are going. TIME! I don't want to spend that much time driving! I let her talk me out of getting behind the wheel most every time. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh She wants to make an excursion out of the day....I don't! Plain and simply...I DON'T! Then I hear...you need to get out and away from the house for awhile. WHICH...may be true, but the shit I left behind is still there to do when I get home and by then..I'M BEAT and SORE! Walking at the end of the day at a forty five degree angle IS NOT ATTRACTIVE, nor COMFORTABLE! I shit you not!
This morning I had to go out in the freezing cold air to retrieve hubby's pain meds and fill another weeks worth to carry in my purse. My thinking is...I rather lose a weeks worth than a months worth IF SOMEONE MANAGES TO SWIPE THEM. It's going to be real fun traisping through the snow and ice to my car to retrieve them once the snow flies....which should be tomorrow. NOT! Let's hope by next Wednesday the driveway is clear. Frost is all over my car. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Okay...must motivate. Nine thirty and in an hour I have to have hubby and myself ready to leave the door. BBL
I worked my ass off yesterday in my closet. Asked Gil for help reaching shelves and he did so without a problem. ;0) Still not done, but HEADWAY has been made !
You can see my floor again! ;0) The rest can wait for another day. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. :0)
What could be said about hubby's doctor visit. I almost broke down in front of his doctor. He didn't want to hear about me. Refused to up his pain med claiming his brain won't tolerate it and said hubby is on more oxycodone than any other of his patients.
I spoke my mind. Not that it did me any good, but seeing that sign again in the office hubby had his BP taken in ( the one that says, Nobody should have to be in pain. Talk to your doctor, blah,blah,blah ....set me off. he took his pain med at 8a.m. He is asked what his pain level is at 11 a.m. and he answers ( 8 ). WTF! His doctor got short with me and said if I wanted him an methadone have that pain management doctor call him. He already knows what will happen to hubby. Long shelf life, blah,blah,blah, His tone sounded all gloom and doom. THEN he had the nerve to tell me that if I ever lost his monthly pills...he WOULD NOT refill them. His attitude and tone of voice pissed me off royaly. Told him I hadn't called YET and I won't be calling. Hubby can just suffer more.
I asked why his pain med says 2-5mg tablets four times a day AS NEEDED instead of leaving off the AS NEEDED . He tells me and I am sure he is right that once he goes into the hospital or a rehab it is the attending physician that makes the choices on what meds he gets, OR DOESN'T GET. No matter how his meds are written by him, THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.
Well stupid me...I was unaware of that. No wonder they were able to take all his pain meds away and cause him to be in horrible withdrawals. THEY PLAY GOD! I shit you not!
NOT ON MY WATCH ANYMORE! I will stay there 24/7 and INSIST as his health proxy and POA that he gets pain meds. I told this doctor I would put an animal of mine down if it was in the pain hubby was. From his reaction, he didn't like it. To efffin bad!
B/P was 122/64. Guess I'm doing something right by dispensing him his meds on time.
The entire ride home, I felt like I was crying inside.
Grand daughter Jessica an R.N. was at the chiro's when I went there at 3:25. Told her about his primary doctor visit today and she said it's not true that all pain meds are the same. She worked in a rest home and the drug Saboxin..Saboxon given in 10mg tablets helped manage alot of her patients pain. Their pain management person RX'd this. She too was AGAINST METHADONE though. Anymore....I don't know what to do. I shit you not!
If my pain doesn't have me awake, HE DOES! My arm wanted to reach out and hit him in the head at three this morning. He was freezing. After listening to him bitch awhile i painfully dragged myself on of bed and put weight bear on my right leg and limped to the thermastat in the diningroom. Then he wanted his Pelonis heater plugged in to take the chill out of our room. THEN he has the nerve MOST MORNINGS to have his t shirt off because it was soaking wet, he claims. GIMMEE A BREAK! He has me wide awake by that time and between that and my pain, I lie there awake for a long time. Sleep fitfully eludes me.....oh hell...why go into it any more. sighhhhhhhh
Jill was sick to her stomach and had the dirreah and spent most of her day in her bedroom. I wasn't aware that she was sick and come ten twenty I played maschochist and got hubby out to and in the car by myself. Gil was sawing zzzzzzzzzz's too.
Well I toss that work MOST , but Low and Behold .....surprise, surprise , she went off with Butch to eat around 2ish after Logan got home from school and came back at five. Long efffin lunch/supper. whatever! She ordered chili of all efffin things. Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
One thirty I layed down and tried to nap. Hubby insisted on walking and put his brace on wrong. Leave me the fuck alone.....yes sir, you got it. Told him he was signing his own death knell if he falls and breaks a hip. Somehow I managed to get a nap. :0)
The new chiro associate saw me today. He explained that womens hips are not as strong as mens hips and women are on their feet alot and put most of their weight bearing on their right foot. he said more, but I didn't retain it. Made sense though. Illio ? ? ? between my hip and knee is what is causing my right leg pain.
Daughter Michelle will be here at 6:30 so I can go off and get a break. Outside of my RX's at Walmart that I am out of...I need nothing. Peace of mind I will have though. She won't go off and leave hubby to persue her own good times and come back shit faced.
It's 5:48 now.
Let's see what's going on down the other end of the house now.
Jill has her pj's on and has made a supper of BBQ chicken legs and asparagus for Logan and hubby. I'm surprised that hubby wanted to eat now. Was feeling nauseas before and during his doctor visit, nauseas all the way home ( wanted the heat off ) and refused the lunch I fixed him. Agreed to cereal around 3;30 p.m.
Butch ate like a hog while they were out she said and he's curled up watching tv on her bed. Home Sweet Home. So they are home for the night and Michelle will be at this end of the house spending quality time with her dad. :0)
Bad weather is expected tomorrow. :0( Nothing that I have to leave home for. :0)
Son Randy came today for awhile. Did a few things that he has left undone. Also brought my secret camera , READY TO GO and set it up. Then he calls back and tells me that maybe when I am home I should take the whatchamacallit out so I won't video myself undressing. hahaahaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Any motion in my bedroom turns this thing on. Good and not so good. ;0)
If I didn't need my meds, I wouldn't go out tonight. No energy.
Think I will try to read a few blogs and six thirty will be here before I know it.
Cash is trying to hump poor little 7 lb Lady. She / We go through this same shit every day.
Is it only me that hears her yipping in complaint??????????????????????????
My voice is sounding my frustration that no one is remanding or restraining him. I heard Jill yell his name.
It gets efffin tiring. I shit you not!
That's All Folks!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
D D Fit to be...TIED!
Jill got shit faced last night. Not only did she get shit faced, but she had to involve her son Gil in her drinking spree. Went out at six ( alone) and came home sometime near 9 shit faced, borrowed money from hubby and asked her son go out with her for more drinks.
Now you ask why I didn't stop her........I wasn't here.
Tracie and I left around fourish to go up to Salem,NH to Friends Lumbar and Wallyworld where there is NO SALES TAX.
Ut Oh.... a war may begin. Butch just walked through the front door. He worked last night . Well half his shift. Took half a day off to drive his daughter to school and supposedly work on his own place painting. INSTEAD he ended up getting pissed off at Jill cause all she does is things around here ( HEY ...SHE LIVES HERE! ) and never does anything at his place to help him out. What kind of a relationship is this???,he asked. You take meds and end up like a bump on a log and,and,and.
All this was related to me after I got back from the chiro and he stormed out soon after.
Her hands were shaking. She had just taken a med to calm her nerves. HIS YELLING gets her all worked up. YEAH...I ask myself...what kind of a fucking relationship do they have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He stays here when he doesn't have his daughter,also the two nights a week he works ( 24 hour shifts). That's 2-3 nights here and she NEVER goes to his place. NEVER! DAY OR NIGHT! He told her he rented a 3 bedroom house for her and Logan to live with him and she reminded him for the umpteenth time that she never agreed to live with him or encouraged him to rent such a big place. He can NOT afford the rent ALONE and took a boarder in ( a drunk that all he does is complain about and threaten)( this week the drunk used all his toilet paper up and ate his daughters two Reeses Cups), BUT NEEDS his $650 TO ADD TO HIS $800 SOME ODD TO PAY THE RENT. WHICH as of the the tenth of this month HAS NOT been paid.
This is the same man that could not pay the $1000 mortgage on his home and lost it to foreclosure. His place was a 2 family and he rented the small upstairs apartment out for $800 a month.
You do the math... he couldn't come up with the $200 and NOW he has to come up with $800 some odd. LUNACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are both, sick,sick,SICK ! I shit you not!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...just a few words spoken between them and he left to go to work, Heard him say... she gets drunk and calls him at eleven to tell him she loves him.
Interesting....VERY INTERESTING.
At ten something she was wanting me to hold her hand. Kept calling to me.... mom,mom.
I took her hand and she held it tightly. I was feeling very unlike her mother and only felt DISGUST. Wrested her grip and the words I spoke, I do not remember. Nor do I care to. More of those words have been spoken to her again this morning. You can't fix your son, cause you haven't fixed yourself. You ARE NOT robbing me of the last few years of my life. You can have anything in this house that you want. NOTHING means anything to me anymore. If Mike was in good health I'd have been gone a long time ago. MORE.....MUCH MORE.............................
Hubby's pills for the rest of the day (4) were not where I left them when I got home. I'm like a raving lunatic on the phone talking to her cell voice mail. Turned out ...this morning she tells me that it was she that hid them before she left so that Gil would not be tempted to take them.
Up until last night....hubby had NO CLUE to Gil's drug problem. I did not want THAT STRESS put him and Tracie was present and filled him in on what's been going on with Gil's drug, heroin addiction. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr doesn't she realize that causes me more stress? Never being in a relationship or married...I guess NOT!
All I'll get is GRIEF and MORE GRIEF from hubby. I can't change things.
I DON'T NEED THE ADDED GRIEF!
From the time I got home around 9 until after ten thirty Logan was on the phone with his dad. Dad was filling him in on his brother's problems/addiction/trouble with the law....not like he hasn't already tried to turn him against his brother. A few times I stuck my head in his room and asked him if dad had called to wish him a good day tomorrow. ( Today is his first day to go over to the tech school ), two times a week for three weeks, three different shops to try out to see if he might be interested in going there for ninth grade. Dad is so against it....FUCK me ...he graduated from a tech school.
Maybe Logan will be fortunate to go to college at age fourty after finding himself (ONLINE DATING )a hugger with a great job to support his household while he is off in another state in college. Let the kid decide for himself what he wants!
Every night since that son of a bitch has gone back to MS he calls Logan. This has never been his M.O. Time to get his son over to his side so he can sell his house and move to MS is getting down to the wire.
Okay Pat....you can't save him from possibly becoming as fucked up as his older brother is.
Why fight it????? If he was out of the equasion...it would be easier to haul ass out here and SELL. His older brother Ryan is the complete opposite of Gil. Then again...THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME FATHER! TOO....he had a mother that DIDN'T DRINK!
He was in his twenties when mom started drinking and Gil was around 14 . He was already with his dad. Dad did his best to paint a glorious picture of how life woulkd be if he lived with him when he was thirteen. Once he had him...he persued HIS OWN goals and did some serious dating ( meeting women online ) and left him alone. So much for all the times together that was promised. I got so sick of hearing the ex SIL from Hell, teary eyed say...your mother had you for X amount of years and it's not fair to me that you are not giving me some of those years with you. ( May not be the exact words, BUT CLOSE.) Then good old dad takes these women on cruises and even buys them a cruise wardrobe and leaves his thirteen year old son ALONE sometimes weeks on his own, with just a family member checking in on him from time to time. DON'T TELL MOM, was his warning!.
Logan had SIX GREAT YEARS with mom's sobriety. The glue that held it all together. How dare she rob him of the ONE STEADY thing in his life! HOW?????
Dad had no money for child support though. THE Sick, Sick,SICK bastard.
In the past he has promised Logan all kinds of things to get him to move ( his own ? inch Tv in his bedroom, A computer ( the best back then of course). He knew he was told that he could not take the custody issue of Logan back to court until he was thirteen as adjudged by the court, but he tried to sway him to come live with him on his own violition. WE ARE FAMILY was the moving drive then. You, me, Gil. Now there is NO GIL in the equasion. He wants no part of THAT SON.
Family now is.... him, his wife, his stepson and Logan. His little money makers come IRS time. Gil is now 21....WHO NEEDS HIM AND HIS PROBLEMS!
Kathy came to give hubby his bath. When she entered the front door I warned her of the catastrophe she would encounter once she hit my bedroom doorway. Pics to follow............
THIS is something I do every time that hubby goes into the hospital or a rehab. Keeps me and my mind busy and I have the freedom in my bedroom to organize where and what I want to put back in my closet. NOW THAT Jill has removed her clothing .......I have been itching to get into my closet and see how much more shit I am willing to part with and how much more clutter in my bedroom that I can get OUT OF SIGHT! Told you sooooooooooooo......I'M DAFFY!
Ten fourty two. Gil woke after Kathy left and his shower just ended. Jill is holed up in her bedroom. It's been quiet in there....but when Kathy left I noticed Butchs' car in the driveway.
I assume he came back while I was hastily changing the sheets and blankets on my bed while hubby was out of it :0) and i didn't hear him come in, cause he did leave saying he was headed to work a side job. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...what happened? Does he feel he needs to be by her side???? I once again spent a fitful night waking many times in pain and having trouble falling back to sleep in the same pain I woke with. Heard her getting Logan off to his first day at the tech school and could smell the sausages and pancakes cooking that she promised to make him. :0)
Last night after he was off the phone ( ten thirtyish) I asked him if he was excited about today.
It's just a thing to try to see if I like it.....was his reply. Enthusiastically I told him that Uncle Michael and Uncle Sonny were very excited their first day. sighhhhhhhhhhh ...then again...they didn't have anyone talking NEGATIVE to them about a tech school.
I was THE DUMMY back then! I did not know that the trade schools that I knew of when I was a minor child, were anything BUT THE SAME. My future college math professor decided at the end of his ninth year of school to go to our local tech. Ohhhhhhh NOoooooooooooooo.
Did I discourage him. Hell No. Did he make the right decision for himself. Hell Yes!
Before Butch took off 8 a.m. ish I asked him once again to measure the wall in back of where i am sitting and asked his input on whether I should go with the 18 inch long cabinets ( that I went to and ordered and paid for yesterday) that can't have a shelf :0( or go for the 24 inch ( with a shelf). He measured and drew with pencil on the wall and then and there I decided......EFFF IT, I am going with the twenty four inch long cabinets. NOBODY, BUT NOBODY over six feet better sit where I am sitting at the table. STORAGE SPACE is what I want! Called Friends Lumbar and told them to HOLD THE PRESS! Anything under a K is supposed to be paid for when ordered. I paid for the 18 inch cabinets yesterday ( $331 ) of course these will be more, but THEY TRUST ME for the rest. yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Something is going right! yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I am a fool...I feel sooooooo giddy! Over cabinets, yet.
The LIGHT JUST DAWNED. I saw a truck parked on the street earlier. Butch was picked up.
Hubby and I just went round and round on his ankle brace for the umpteenth time. Him insisting I didn't get all of the parts with it and you know where I was ON THAT. He's uttering that he don't give a shit what I say and I'm tossing it right back at him. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Two velcro straps...NOT THREE!
Tomorrow he sees his primary doctor at eleven a.m. I am NOT holding out any hope, but I'm going to ask him to UP hubby's pain med. He is doing VERY WELL on taking those oxcodones four times a day ( doctor didn't think he could handle four times a day ) and he is still in pain.
UP IT orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr let him be treated by a physician trained to give methadone.
Hubby doesn't seem to want to wear a cath permanently. At least that's what I get when I have broached the subject. Rather suffer with bladder spasms and pain????????? Which reminds me....Mary what was the name of the rare bladder cancer your ex had??? Sometimes I think hubby's doctors are missing something. White count is always elevated, but not high enough to warrant concern. HUH! We as laymen just take them at their word. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So ....here I SIT like I have nothing else in the world TO DO.
Gil took off to put gas in mom's car and get cigarettes and still isn't back. hmmmmmmmmm
I asked him if his friend Barry worked. Thought he was heading off with him as is his norm. Sleep to ???, jump in the shower, dress and TAKE OFF. My answer was...Barry works nights. Sooooooooo I asked when he slept..''to hear, Barry doesn't sleep much, he likes to hang around with his friends. hmmmmmmmm so what does that sound like to you??? SPEED????? Heroin???? Some SHIT like that! It just doesn't EQUATE. Not to MY MIND anyway.
OH WOW! Twelve twenty and she ( Jill ) has a load of laundry washing. AND...here I still sit , like I have nothing else to be doing. :0( I've made hubby and I a bowl of cereal. Him Wheaties and a whole banana to chose to eat or not and moi... Quaker oats low ? oatmeal. Much too lazy to rise and go look at the package.
LOADED with cut fresh strawberries. AFTER munching on Cherry jelly hearts all morning. :0(
HOW SMART IS THAT????? DUH!!!!
You know what......son Randy isn't coming today. Think that I will take the phone off the hook and drag my aching body back to bed and try my damndest to try to catch some shut eye before Logan comes home from school......excited or not excited and needs to use the IMAC or whatever it's called....in my room to do his homework.
Fuck everything !
Pictures of some of what I am up against...tomorrow orrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I GIVE!!!!!
That's All Folks!
Now you ask why I didn't stop her........I wasn't here.
Tracie and I left around fourish to go up to Salem,NH to Friends Lumbar and Wallyworld where there is NO SALES TAX.
Ut Oh.... a war may begin. Butch just walked through the front door. He worked last night . Well half his shift. Took half a day off to drive his daughter to school and supposedly work on his own place painting. INSTEAD he ended up getting pissed off at Jill cause all she does is things around here ( HEY ...SHE LIVES HERE! ) and never does anything at his place to help him out. What kind of a relationship is this???,he asked. You take meds and end up like a bump on a log and,and,and.
All this was related to me after I got back from the chiro and he stormed out soon after.
Her hands were shaking. She had just taken a med to calm her nerves. HIS YELLING gets her all worked up. YEAH...I ask myself...what kind of a fucking relationship do they have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He stays here when he doesn't have his daughter,also the two nights a week he works ( 24 hour shifts). That's 2-3 nights here and she NEVER goes to his place. NEVER! DAY OR NIGHT! He told her he rented a 3 bedroom house for her and Logan to live with him and she reminded him for the umpteenth time that she never agreed to live with him or encouraged him to rent such a big place. He can NOT afford the rent ALONE and took a boarder in ( a drunk that all he does is complain about and threaten)( this week the drunk used all his toilet paper up and ate his daughters two Reeses Cups), BUT NEEDS his $650 TO ADD TO HIS $800 SOME ODD TO PAY THE RENT. WHICH as of the the tenth of this month HAS NOT been paid.
This is the same man that could not pay the $1000 mortgage on his home and lost it to foreclosure. His place was a 2 family and he rented the small upstairs apartment out for $800 a month.
You do the math... he couldn't come up with the $200 and NOW he has to come up with $800 some odd. LUNACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are both, sick,sick,SICK ! I shit you not!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...just a few words spoken between them and he left to go to work, Heard him say... she gets drunk and calls him at eleven to tell him she loves him.
Interesting....VERY INTERESTING.
At ten something she was wanting me to hold her hand. Kept calling to me.... mom,mom.
I took her hand and she held it tightly. I was feeling very unlike her mother and only felt DISGUST. Wrested her grip and the words I spoke, I do not remember. Nor do I care to. More of those words have been spoken to her again this morning. You can't fix your son, cause you haven't fixed yourself. You ARE NOT robbing me of the last few years of my life. You can have anything in this house that you want. NOTHING means anything to me anymore. If Mike was in good health I'd have been gone a long time ago. MORE.....MUCH MORE.............................
Hubby's pills for the rest of the day (4) were not where I left them when I got home. I'm like a raving lunatic on the phone talking to her cell voice mail. Turned out ...this morning she tells me that it was she that hid them before she left so that Gil would not be tempted to take them.
Up until last night....hubby had NO CLUE to Gil's drug problem. I did not want THAT STRESS put him and Tracie was present and filled him in on what's been going on with Gil's drug, heroin addiction. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr doesn't she realize that causes me more stress? Never being in a relationship or married...I guess NOT!
All I'll get is GRIEF and MORE GRIEF from hubby. I can't change things.
I DON'T NEED THE ADDED GRIEF!
From the time I got home around 9 until after ten thirty Logan was on the phone with his dad. Dad was filling him in on his brother's problems/addiction/trouble with the law....not like he hasn't already tried to turn him against his brother. A few times I stuck my head in his room and asked him if dad had called to wish him a good day tomorrow. ( Today is his first day to go over to the tech school ), two times a week for three weeks, three different shops to try out to see if he might be interested in going there for ninth grade. Dad is so against it....FUCK me ...he graduated from a tech school.
Maybe Logan will be fortunate to go to college at age fourty after finding himself (ONLINE DATING )a hugger with a great job to support his household while he is off in another state in college. Let the kid decide for himself what he wants!
Every night since that son of a bitch has gone back to MS he calls Logan. This has never been his M.O. Time to get his son over to his side so he can sell his house and move to MS is getting down to the wire.
Okay Pat....you can't save him from possibly becoming as fucked up as his older brother is.
Why fight it????? If he was out of the equasion...it would be easier to haul ass out here and SELL. His older brother Ryan is the complete opposite of Gil. Then again...THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME FATHER! TOO....he had a mother that DIDN'T DRINK!
He was in his twenties when mom started drinking and Gil was around 14 . He was already with his dad. Dad did his best to paint a glorious picture of how life woulkd be if he lived with him when he was thirteen. Once he had him...he persued HIS OWN goals and did some serious dating ( meeting women online ) and left him alone. So much for all the times together that was promised. I got so sick of hearing the ex SIL from Hell, teary eyed say...your mother had you for X amount of years and it's not fair to me that you are not giving me some of those years with you. ( May not be the exact words, BUT CLOSE.) Then good old dad takes these women on cruises and even buys them a cruise wardrobe and leaves his thirteen year old son ALONE sometimes weeks on his own, with just a family member checking in on him from time to time. DON'T TELL MOM, was his warning!.
Logan had SIX GREAT YEARS with mom's sobriety. The glue that held it all together. How dare she rob him of the ONE STEADY thing in his life! HOW?????
Dad had no money for child support though. THE Sick, Sick,SICK bastard.
In the past he has promised Logan all kinds of things to get him to move ( his own ? inch Tv in his bedroom, A computer ( the best back then of course). He knew he was told that he could not take the custody issue of Logan back to court until he was thirteen as adjudged by the court, but he tried to sway him to come live with him on his own violition. WE ARE FAMILY was the moving drive then. You, me, Gil. Now there is NO GIL in the equasion. He wants no part of THAT SON.
Family now is.... him, his wife, his stepson and Logan. His little money makers come IRS time. Gil is now 21....WHO NEEDS HIM AND HIS PROBLEMS!
Kathy came to give hubby his bath. When she entered the front door I warned her of the catastrophe she would encounter once she hit my bedroom doorway. Pics to follow............
THIS is something I do every time that hubby goes into the hospital or a rehab. Keeps me and my mind busy and I have the freedom in my bedroom to organize where and what I want to put back in my closet. NOW THAT Jill has removed her clothing .......I have been itching to get into my closet and see how much more shit I am willing to part with and how much more clutter in my bedroom that I can get OUT OF SIGHT! Told you sooooooooooooo......I'M DAFFY!
Ten fourty two. Gil woke after Kathy left and his shower just ended. Jill is holed up in her bedroom. It's been quiet in there....but when Kathy left I noticed Butchs' car in the driveway.
I assume he came back while I was hastily changing the sheets and blankets on my bed while hubby was out of it :0) and i didn't hear him come in, cause he did leave saying he was headed to work a side job. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...what happened? Does he feel he needs to be by her side???? I once again spent a fitful night waking many times in pain and having trouble falling back to sleep in the same pain I woke with. Heard her getting Logan off to his first day at the tech school and could smell the sausages and pancakes cooking that she promised to make him. :0)
Last night after he was off the phone ( ten thirtyish) I asked him if he was excited about today.
It's just a thing to try to see if I like it.....was his reply. Enthusiastically I told him that Uncle Michael and Uncle Sonny were very excited their first day. sighhhhhhhhhhh ...then again...they didn't have anyone talking NEGATIVE to them about a tech school.
I was THE DUMMY back then! I did not know that the trade schools that I knew of when I was a minor child, were anything BUT THE SAME. My future college math professor decided at the end of his ninth year of school to go to our local tech. Ohhhhhhh NOoooooooooooooo.
Did I discourage him. Hell No. Did he make the right decision for himself. Hell Yes!
Before Butch took off 8 a.m. ish I asked him once again to measure the wall in back of where i am sitting and asked his input on whether I should go with the 18 inch long cabinets ( that I went to and ordered and paid for yesterday) that can't have a shelf :0( or go for the 24 inch ( with a shelf). He measured and drew with pencil on the wall and then and there I decided......EFFF IT, I am going with the twenty four inch long cabinets. NOBODY, BUT NOBODY over six feet better sit where I am sitting at the table. STORAGE SPACE is what I want! Called Friends Lumbar and told them to HOLD THE PRESS! Anything under a K is supposed to be paid for when ordered. I paid for the 18 inch cabinets yesterday ( $331 ) of course these will be more, but THEY TRUST ME for the rest. yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Something is going right! yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I am a fool...I feel sooooooo giddy! Over cabinets, yet.
The LIGHT JUST DAWNED. I saw a truck parked on the street earlier. Butch was picked up.
Hubby and I just went round and round on his ankle brace for the umpteenth time. Him insisting I didn't get all of the parts with it and you know where I was ON THAT. He's uttering that he don't give a shit what I say and I'm tossing it right back at him. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Two velcro straps...NOT THREE!
Tomorrow he sees his primary doctor at eleven a.m. I am NOT holding out any hope, but I'm going to ask him to UP hubby's pain med. He is doing VERY WELL on taking those oxcodones four times a day ( doctor didn't think he could handle four times a day ) and he is still in pain.
UP IT orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr let him be treated by a physician trained to give methadone.
Hubby doesn't seem to want to wear a cath permanently. At least that's what I get when I have broached the subject. Rather suffer with bladder spasms and pain????????? Which reminds me....Mary what was the name of the rare bladder cancer your ex had??? Sometimes I think hubby's doctors are missing something. White count is always elevated, but not high enough to warrant concern. HUH! We as laymen just take them at their word. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So ....here I SIT like I have nothing else in the world TO DO.
Gil took off to put gas in mom's car and get cigarettes and still isn't back. hmmmmmmmmm
I asked him if his friend Barry worked. Thought he was heading off with him as is his norm. Sleep to ???, jump in the shower, dress and TAKE OFF. My answer was...Barry works nights. Sooooooooo I asked when he slept..''to hear, Barry doesn't sleep much, he likes to hang around with his friends. hmmmmmmmm so what does that sound like to you??? SPEED????? Heroin???? Some SHIT like that! It just doesn't EQUATE. Not to MY MIND anyway.
OH WOW! Twelve twenty and she ( Jill ) has a load of laundry washing. AND...here I still sit , like I have nothing else to be doing. :0( I've made hubby and I a bowl of cereal. Him Wheaties and a whole banana to chose to eat or not and moi... Quaker oats low ? oatmeal. Much too lazy to rise and go look at the package.
LOADED with cut fresh strawberries. AFTER munching on Cherry jelly hearts all morning. :0(
HOW SMART IS THAT????? DUH!!!!
You know what......son Randy isn't coming today. Think that I will take the phone off the hook and drag my aching body back to bed and try my damndest to try to catch some shut eye before Logan comes home from school......excited or not excited and needs to use the IMAC or whatever it's called....in my room to do his homework.
Fuck everything !
Pictures of some of what I am up against...tomorrow orrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I GIVE!!!!!
That's All Folks!
Monday, January 09, 2012
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