D D Agony

There is no other single word to describe what my pain level is at night. All night!
The only position I can sleep is on my back and  I have never been a back sleeper and therefore find it very uncomfortable to even fall to sleep.
Had Trigger Point therapy after my adjustment on Monday. Will again this p.m. as this morning I take hubby to see his primary at eleven and will again on Friday. My old boss Sandy said if we see no results, next week he will do xrays of my back and do a long exam.
As I sit here at the table now....constant searing pain from my upper shoulder all down my entire arm to my wrist is with me. I swear this is my punishment for not being as sensitive to hubby's pain as I could be at times.

7:20 a.m. the phone rings. WTF!   Tracie. She remembered that she still had all of her cleaning supplies purchased at Walmart three days ago in my car trunk and was concerned that they would be in my way to get hubby's wheelchair in. DON;T ASK!  Okay, I'll give you the low down on how that happened. When we pulled into the driveway at 9p.m. Monday she asked if they would freeze and when i answered Negative, she asked if she could leave them there until Tuesday as her car was full. SHE WASN'T AND AIN'T SHITTING!   Every space is loaded with purchases and empty cans and bottles as well as paper wrappers, etc, that should have hit the trash longgggg ago. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  She isn't a hoarder though. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooo. 
Yesterday she came at 7:30 p.m. and watched what I like to refer to as the Floor Show  with a leftover meal we offered her. Butch gave Gil a haircut, Logan was in a MOOD ( I wrongly assumed he had no regular school and only went to the tech school.) Oh no! Full day at school, then bussed to the tech and bussed home at 6p.m. something.  He made a dental mold and numbered the teeth. He had tons of regular homework. I'm assuming the snack offered at the tech wasn't enough to carry him through the hours until he was home and fed supper. Had a headache and was famished.
Somewhere in all this he rough housed with cash and cash kept nipping him good.  Kept telling him he was going about things all wrong. The dog needed to know who was boss and needed to be lowered to the floor and held down. He needs to be aware that we are the Alpha's. If the dog bites him hard some day....he has been warned. I can see it happening because Logan thinks it's a game and his dog is TopDog and strong.  Why it's my concern when his mother is right here.....efff me if i know. Oh I do know. It is a good scar waiting to happen and NO JOKE!
By ten p.m. I was asking what time THIS ZOO CLOSED!!!!!   Today I will ask this little shit if he is familiar with Skype. Knowing full well that he is.  Last night after he was FINALLY in bed I put my head in his door to wish him Sweet Dreams and his first words when he saw me were," I'm not on the phone nana, I haven't had the phone in my hands."  He must think his nana is STUPID. I shit you not! I'd bank on the fact that his dad and he were chatting on Skype.
At the supper table he kept saying he was going to become a lawyer. After hearing that  a half dozen times, I piped up and told him that was fine with me.  I wasn't going to let him get my goat which seemed like what he was trying to do.  No rise out of me. Nor did I do my usual ...have you done your homework.
Dang....he was dragging his ass this morning getting ready for school. Live and Learn. I could have walked into his room and seen him using Skype and put an end to it, but why upset myself. It's mom's fucking job to be on top of things!
Tracie begged off taking her shit out of my trunk last night. I will not need to use my trunk as once hubby gets out to the car and in, I use the V.A.'s wheelchair to get him in.  Less lifting for moi, even if it is a light weight transfer chair. :0)  Today....those purchases of hers...MUST GO.
Most puzzling was; what the Hell was Tracie doing awake this morning. She sleeps til afternoon !
Did i tell you that she went to visit aanother friend the other night when she didn't come here. :0)
Knows her from church years back ( as Tracie is not a church goer now ). Eight years old, a widow and lives on her own.  She drives, BUT.  Just to church locally to teach Sunday School and then drives to another town after those services to attend a Cambodian church and teach there also.
Tracie will be driving her to the Mall Friday so she can do some shopping. YAY!  She best clean off her front passenger seat before then and remove all the empty and partial filled water and Sprite bottle rolling around on the floor. I'm still able to plant ONE foot between the shit and and safely sit down on the seat, kick stuff aside and bring my other foot in. At eighty...ALL BETS ARE OFF!
Since I got my new car she has been driving mine when we go out.....sometimes it upsets me if it is still daylight . I want to drive DIRECT from Point A to Point B  ASAP and get myself riled up as we make so many twists and turns to do ALL BACK ROADS.  Now I know...what's the diff? We do arrive where we are going. TIME!   I don't want to spend that much time driving!  I let her talk me out of getting behind the wheel most every time. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  She wants to make an excursion out of the day....I don't! Plain and simply...I DON'T!  Then I hear...you need to get out and away from the house for awhile. WHICH...may be true, but the shit I left behind is still there to do when I get home and by then..I'M BEAT and SORE!  Walking at the end of the day at a forty five degree angle IS NOT ATTRACTIVE, nor COMFORTABLE! I shit you not!

This morning I had to go out in the freezing cold air to retrieve hubby's pain meds and fill another weeks worth to carry in my purse. My thinking is...I rather lose a weeks worth than a months worth IF SOMEONE MANAGES TO SWIPE THEM.  It's going to be real fun traisping through the snow and ice to my car to retrieve them once the snow flies....which should be tomorrow. NOT!  Let's hope by next Wednesday the driveway is clear. Frost is all over my car. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Okay...must motivate. Nine thirty and in an hour I have to have hubby and myself ready to leave the door. BBL

I worked my ass off yesterday in my closet. Asked Gil for help reaching shelves and he did so without a problem. ;0)  Still not done, but HEADWAY has been made !

You can see my floor again! ;0) The rest can wait for another day. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. :0)  

What could be said about hubby's doctor visit. I almost broke down in front of his doctor. He didn't want to hear about me. Refused to up his pain med claiming his brain won't tolerate it  and said hubby is on more oxycodone than any other of his patients.
I spoke my mind. Not that it did me any good, but seeing that sign again in the office hubby had his BP taken in ( the one that says, Nobody should have to be in pain. Talk to your doctor, blah,blah,blah ....set me off. he took his pain med at 8a.m. He is asked what his pain level is at 11 a.m. and he answers ( 8 ).  WTF!   His doctor got short with me and said if I wanted him an methadone have that pain management doctor call him. He already knows what will happen to hubby. Long shelf life, blah,blah,blah, His tone sounded all gloom and doom. THEN he had the nerve to tell me that if I ever lost his monthly pills...he WOULD NOT refill them. His attitude and tone of voice pissed me off royaly. Told him I hadn't called YET and I won't be calling. Hubby can just suffer more.  
 I asked why his pain med says 2-5mg tablets four times a day AS NEEDED  instead of leaving off the AS NEEDED . He tells me and I am sure he is right that once he goes into the hospital or a rehab it is the attending physician that makes the choices on what meds he gets, OR DOESN'T GET.  No matter how his meds are written by him, THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.
Well stupid me...I was unaware of that. No wonder they were able to take all his pain meds away and cause him to be in horrible withdrawals. THEY PLAY GOD! I shit you not!
NOT ON MY WATCH ANYMORE! I will stay there 24/7 and INSIST as his health proxy and POA that he gets pain meds. I told this doctor I would put an animal of mine down if it was in the pain hubby was. From his reaction, he didn't like it. To efffin bad!
B/P was 122/64. Guess I'm doing something right by dispensing him his meds on time.
The entire ride home, I felt like I was crying inside.
Grand daughter Jessica an R.N. was at the chiro's when I went there at 3:25. Told her about his primary doctor visit today and she said it's not true that all pain meds are the same. She worked in a rest home and the drug Saboxin..Saboxon given in 10mg tablets helped manage alot of her patients pain. Their pain management person RX'd this. She too was AGAINST METHADONE though. Anymore....I don't know what to do. I shit you not! 
   If my pain doesn't have me awake, HE DOES!  My arm wanted to reach out and hit him in the head at three this morning. He was freezing. After listening to him bitch awhile i painfully dragged myself on of bed and put weight bear on my right leg and limped to the thermastat in the diningroom. Then he wanted his Pelonis heater plugged in to take the chill out of our room.  THEN he has the nerve MOST MORNINGS to have his t shirt off because it was soaking wet, he claims. GIMMEE A BREAK! He has me wide awake by that time and between that and my pain, I lie there awake for a long time. Sleep fitfully eludes me.....oh hell...why go into it any more. sighhhhhhhh  

Jill was sick to her stomach and had the dirreah and spent most of her day in her bedroom. I wasn't aware that she was sick and come ten twenty I played maschochist and got hubby out to and in the car by myself. Gil was sawing zzzzzzzzzz's too.
Well I toss that work MOST , but Low and Behold .....surprise, surprise , she went off with Butch to eat around 2ish after Logan got home from school and came back at five. Long efffin lunch/supper. whatever!  She ordered chili of all efffin things. Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
One thirty I layed down and tried to nap. Hubby insisted on walking and put his brace on wrong. Leave me the fuck alone.....yes sir, you got it. Told him he was signing his own death knell if he falls and breaks a hip. Somehow I managed to get a nap. :0)
   The new chiro associate saw me today. He explained that womens hips are not as strong as mens hips and women are on their feet alot and put most of their weight bearing on their right foot. he said more, but I didn't retain it. Made sense though. Illio ? ? ? between my hip and knee is what is causing my right leg pain. 
   Daughter Michelle will be here at 6:30  so I can go off and get a break. Outside of my RX's at Walmart that I am out of...I need nothing. Peace of mind I will have though. She won't go off and leave hubby to persue her own good times and come back shit faced.
It's 5:48 now.
Let's see what's going on down the other end of the house now.
Jill has her pj's on and has made a supper of BBQ chicken legs and asparagus for Logan and hubby. I'm surprised that hubby wanted to eat now. Was feeling nauseas before and during his doctor visit, nauseas all the way home ( wanted the heat off ) and refused the lunch I fixed him. Agreed to cereal around 3;30 p.m.
Butch ate like a hog while they were out she said and he's curled up watching tv on her bed. Home Sweet Home.  So they are home for the night and Michelle will be at this end of the house spending quality time with her dad. :0)
  Bad weather is expected tomorrow. :0(  Nothing that I have to leave home for. :0)

Son Randy came today for awhile. Did a few things that he has left undone. Also brought my secret camera , READY TO GO and set it up. Then he calls back and tells me that maybe when I am home I should take the whatchamacallit out so I won't video myself undressing. hahaahaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa   Any motion in my bedroom turns this thing on. Good and not so good. ;0)

If I didn't need my meds, I wouldn't go out tonight. No energy.
Think I will try to read a few blogs and six thirty will be here before I know it.
Cash is trying to hump poor little 7 lb Lady.  She / We go through this same shit every day.
Is it only me that hears her yipping in complaint??????????????????????????
My voice is sounding my frustration that no one is remanding or restraining him. I heard Jill yell his name.
It gets efffin tiring. I shit you not!

That's All Folks!