D D Round 2....was yesterday

Less than thirty minutes after he woke he started in cursing and hollering at me. At first I was like "what the fuck." THEN I gave him "what the fuck!"
Had just parked my arse down in front of my PC with my first cup of coffee of the morning and I hear.....You fucking woke me up last night. Why the fuck did you wake me up? I'm like trying to figure out when this was supposed to have happened and he keeps going on and on. When he finally said..."you woke me to tell me that Jill was home"...things connected. HE WAS AWAKE!  He asked me who was in the kitchen and I told him "Jill just came home."
He kept denying it went down like that...accusing me of having too many drinks in me ( it was 9 p.m.) and I had one drink between one and two.  UGLY continued to fly( I told him I would be happy if he slept 24/7, so why the fuck would I wake him up!  Took myself into the bathroom, showered, dressed and went up to the center of town to the tanning salon.  ( Jill has gone there over the years and I asked her questions about it the day before as my LEGS are soooooo white and damnnnn... a tan will hide those spider veins ( I hope, I hope.) ;0)  She gave me all the perternent info....ending with , buy an expensive tanning lotion,
I have never been in a tanning bed or booth. It was hysterical. Forgot to put those eye protectors on and flew out of that bed like I was ON FIRE. Have you been in one of them? I heard over the intercom..."wait 2 min's and turn it back on. It needs to cool down." Trying to locate the ON touch button in the dark with no reading glasses on.....what a joke! :0) I shit you not!.
Can't wait to go again today. I hear...IT GET'S BETTER! This time...I am MORE INFORMED. Grease myself up with the tanning lotion beforeeeeeeeee I leave home.  Wear something easy to get out of ( the woman set the timer for 4 minutes and I ran over getting myself naked and greased ) and the machine STARTED WITHOUT ME! LMAO remembering. This was a SITCOM MOMENT!
To Hell with Kodak Moment.
I shit you not!
From there I went to a Hallmark store. No luck in finding postcards, but I found other nice things. One is an attractive and small over the shoulder purse to keep MY LOOT in. Shaped just like a flower. I LUV IT!  Speaking of LOOT... I NOWdo not think it was Gil that took that $60 from my purse or the money I was missing before that.  Jill tells me he has offered to pay her way to Chris' in FL , if she takes him with her. I have walked into my bedroom a few times when I have seen him counting one dollar bills. A light bulb finally went off in my head. Neither of us hands him any one dollar bills. He asks for his weekly $20. The reason he wants this $20 is because it was  his way in past years to buy me a gift.
It's been awhile now since he has handed me money in a card that he has Jill buy as he is unable to get out and do it himself. I have no problem with that. I did the same for my dad and he could walk and drive right up to the end of his life. He just didn't like looking at verses in cards. ( That was more time he could spend in a bar.)   NOW, I'm thinking...should I bait him??? Like mark the money and leave my purse where I usually had instead of in the trunk of my car and my money around my neck. Jill is always asking him to borrow a $20. Did last night. Always pays him back.  I only had a hundred dollar bill on me and I wasn't going to pass that to her. 
Is it even worth it! I think my suspicion that he has been helping himself to money in my purse is CORRECT. Even Michelle has mentioned that he has asked her if she and her hubby need a loan. ( This winter their catering business was floundering.)
NOW....as I sit here thinking...was he going to give those oxy's he hid away...to grandson Gil to sell for him. He is getting sooooo sneaky.) I wouldn't put it past him. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh

Once back home from shopping and tanning, I tried to keep a low profile and not enter our bedroom often.  Played with the baby some.....then I showered again, put makeup on, fixed my hair and dressed in another skort and was at the VFW at one.
I ask you...one hundred years from now, who is going to know?  Which of the family tree to come AFTER ME will know or even give a shit that their great , great, great , great grandmother went to bars at age 75 , looking for.....conversation. ;0)
P.S. John . aka Sully is 76 and will be 77 this year. His deceased wife's birthday was March 31st. ( Same as my best girlfriends ) and he was in the AirForce. I was hoping for a Marine.
Navy, Army, AirForce, .....now I need a Marine. ;0)  Funnin....jest funnin! ;0)
Dreamt last night that I felt someone come up behind me as I stood somewhere and put their arm around my shoulder...I felt the (warmth) of that touch and turned to look at WHO, but can't remember what face I saw. BUT...I can remember the TOUCH and the way it felt. It's been so long since I have felt a hug from hubby or held hands. I miss that soooo damn much. Judge me if you will. THIS IS MY LIFE and I'm not going to leave it without A FIGHT for what I want. No one is going to come knocking at my door to ask me for a hug. I shit you not! ;0)

Later in the day I went out with Tracie to eat.Fried haddock sub with coleslaw at the bottom of the roll. YUMMY, but NOT A GOOD CHOICE.  Home at 8p.m. and went to meet Jill at the VFW . Met a lovely older woman she knows ( Dolly) who is in a miserable arrangement with her live in boyfriend...He pays half the bills ...........big whooptie do. Jill told me later that she has a big gambling problem . Oh wellllllllllllllll.... It comes down to...CHOICES.
I won't judge her. I MYSELF ...will make my own choices too. We only have THIS ONE LIFE and don't get to do it all over again. Dead is DEAD! A hellofa longgggggg time too, I might add.

It's raining. It's damp. NOooooooooo it's downright COLD. I shit you not!

I forgot hubby's 8 a.m. meds.  Got carried away here at the PC in my Diary.  He asked me for them a few minutes ago and asked me why I forget...like I have done. Told him I am OLD.  He started to get his UGLY UP and I said calmly ...In a rest home the nurses won't forget. It's their job.  He let it go. TY TY

Back...to the V.  I had one drink, we left at Jill's suggestion that we go to another place that has a band. One drink there....home.   What the hell good is a "band" without a dancing partner!  I know it's not hubby's fault that he can't dance. He once could ...and put me to shame. I MISS THAT!

Hubby just asked me why I didn't just write down the times he is suppose to have his med and leave it /them with him. HUH! Told him half the time...he sleeps through med time.  Geez...thought he had dropped THIS. Guess not! 
I want to hibernate....it's that damp . I want to go tanning for a whole seven minutes. Procrastinate is what I WILL DO. Hubby just took his walker for a stroll to the kitchen and I hear him talking to Jill. Butchie is here, so I know it's not inappropriate shit he is talking about. It's probably the lack of care he feels that I am giving him that motivated him out there. Butchie is helping him get back to the bedroom.

Cold oatmeal with blueberries is YUK! I use the keyboard more than I do the spoon.

Hairdresser will be here between eleven and twelve.  Yesssssssssssss..... I look like I have the Flying Nun ( Sally Field's ) Habit on. Wings..............on the side of my head.

I figured out....that I didn't have to take a shower before I went tanning yesterday.  I'm smart....like that. I catch on quick!  ;0)

Here we go again.................... he just asked me what time his next pills are due. He has paper and pencil to write it down. Then he asked me what he did wrong today. "Nothing", I said.

"Then why are you trying to punish me and make me suffer ", he asked of me.  Told him...I just forgot. sighhhhh 

I GIVE...............I was stupid to think that he would let it die. He's just warming up! sighhhhhhhhhhh

I can see Round#3 coming up !

It's pouring out. I do my crying on the inside.... bet I could fill a pail.

((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D If it was legal...

I'd like to strangle...you know who!
Not long after I posted he began his shit. "next time you go out ...take your fucking friend with you!"  From there....I declared WAR. I shit you not!. He told me that he had been being nice and letting her come in the house to visit me. I TOLD HIM...that it was fucking commendable of him to allow me to have a friend in and he needed a special medal to wear for THAT. He again threatened me that he was going to call the cops on her if she ever again stepped foot inside the door and I tried to hand him the phone and told him to start calling NOW!
Told me she tried to peek at his pecker again last night. IN your dreams I told him!  After I cooled off I thought to myself, wish I thought of this to throw at him, " she wants to see what a pecker that doesn't work looks like." Did tell him that IT WAS HE that had the sick mind, NOT HER!
I SPOKE MY MIND and didn't take his shit laying down! I shit you not!

I'm still seething... I'm showered and dressed.  If he keeps his shit up....adios amigo!  BBL

An hour or so later I'm watching Gavin propped up to play with his toys and I mentioned to Jill, something on the idea that it was too bad they didn't make something to help them sit up better. "They do", she said. So she took me into the livingroom aand brought up ( must have been UTUBE ) where she had been watching babies laughing. Four pre-toddlers were sitting in these such chairs ( that I invented in my mind.) ;0) I shit you not! How dare they steal my invention! Glad they did though cause by the time I got the Patent and things up and running in a factory....the kid would be getting married. :0)
Needed to purchase some postcards of our town and both were in the same general area, but where the post cards would be as I was told....it's like stepping into what our town once looked like. Wish I had taken my camera. sighhhhhhhhhhhh  I'll have to go again....just to take pictures. :0) 
No luck finding that chair in Kmart, so I walked to the end of the outdoor strip mall and found it in B.Coat Factory. :0) ....and a tray for it and a seat that changes into three diffferent things as they grow to sit them at the table. A high chair just won't be practical in the small diningroom I have. Don't need another thing for me to fall over!!!
THEN...it was on to buy postcards. It was there that my luck ran out. NONE! Don't carry them anymore. Should,but sorry.  :0(   Sorry Jackie. Hope the cards I made into postcards....will do.

The last time....well the time before the last time that I was in the VFW, I asked what happened to all the Cribbage players that use to play there and was told that Sully likes to play a good game of Cribbage.  Comes in most days between noon and two p.m. , I was told.
Looked at my watch. It was around one. Sooooooooooooooo, I go there and sit at the bar. Two seats away from me sits a man that I judge to be around my age.....he says, Hi...you're Jill's mother aren't you. I'm John.  He's playing Keno and drinking a beer and he apologized for the F word being spoken freely by some of the men there.
I notice him every once in awhile glancing my way.
"Nice legs you have", he says. ( I was wearing a dungaree skort.) I began to tear up and I replied back to him..."Thank you. That is the very,very,very, nicest thing that has been said to me in years."
Had the one drink and a diet coke....came home to enjoy seeing the baby in his new seat before his dad picked him up after work. That seat is so efffin cute! Especially with Gavin sitting up in it.:0)
    Told Jill about what John said to me. Described him to her.....that's Sully, she said. NOW... she didn't know that someone told me about Sully the Cribbage player the other day. ;0) In her next breath, she said,"wait til I razz the shit out of him next time I see him." Two years back I told him that my mother loved to play cribbage and he said to me, how old is she? You aren't going to send some old lady ready for the Rest Home here to play Cribbage with me , are you!
Okay folks....he might be a few years younger than myself...MIGHT BE....but all I want to do is play Cribbage.....he's single and dates ( I hear), I am not! Do I sound convincing??? ????  How about... I AM NOT! Is that more convincing that all I'm interested in is playing Cribbage! A few more, "you have nice....may get him more than a card game. WTF! Yeah...I could be a dirty old lady that cheats on her husband. I shit you not!  IT is ...WHAT IT IS!
I told hubby's daughter Michelle last night( OUR daughter since she was three years old) that I want a little happiness before I die." I don't blame you, she said. Just wish I could take the two of you back in time.
Yeah....me too!
He asked me for a kiss goodnight last night and I gave him a peck that was JUST A PERFUNCTORY ACT! :0( It's all that I can muster up.

Tracie came around 5p.m. I wanted some dress shoes with a little bit of a heel. Looked online and JC Penney had some Mary Jane styles. Two to be exact. One in black and one in white. Off we head up to New Hampshire which is really a fifteen minute drive at 55MPH on the three lane highway. The route Tracie takes....NOT SO. sighhhhhhhhhhh    Forty five minutes to get home from last night. I timed it.  JC Penney had not one pair of the shoes that I wanted.:0( Eight times I would show the sales person a shoe and eight times she came back and said, "sorry, I don't have this in a size 9." :0( No problem...I wasn't in love with them anyway!  We walked through the store with the intent of stepping out into the Mall and going into Sears on my quest for low heels and the jewelry counter caught my eye. Bought an effin ring....heart shaped setting. Cute....but it was an IMPULSE BUY. I don't need it and it looked more glittery under their showcase lights. I will be taking it back. Only $175....but like I said...I don't need it. My engagement ring, has a heart shaped diamond. I suppose if I want to put just the engagement ring back on... WHY NOT!   Bought a short white skirt ( $15 on sale from $30. ) I won't say what I need/needed that for. ;0) OKAY...you beat it out of me;0)...To get myself into trouble!
Found a black pair, but no white to go with my new white SHORT skirt. Oh wellll...so it comes to my knees. Short for moi! ;0) Bought the black pair.
Shoes I ordered online from JC Penney.

Then we began our drive to eat somewhere and passed a shoe store. D something W. DSW, (I think). There must have been 600 pair of women's shoes to choose from.
 NONE made my heart go pitter patter! ;0(
Once home ....ordered online the two pair I wanted in the FIRST PLACE! :0)

Michelle told me that ....dad gave her one of his dog tags and Jill the other ( off of the chain with dog tags he just had me buy for him. NOW, I was thinking he wanted them for himself??????????? 
He told her he had me order her a Presidential Citation medal/pin for him, her and Jill as she told him she wanted one. HUH????  She never told him that, but she will accept it ( if it makes him happy) as she did the dog tag he handed her. :0) Where the Hell is his head, I ask you !!!!! Later when i said that to Jill, she said maybe it's to remember him by.  ?????
   She ( Michelle) is ANOTHER ONE...like myself! She is driving her youngest daughters shitbox of a car ( Theresa (21) bought herself a new one...mom co-signed.  Jessica(25) has been using Michelle's new van ( well it was new a few years back) and she took it to CA for over a year and now...she is still driving it!  I asked Michelle before...why isn't she driving the shit box...  "she likes my car better" is what I get for an answer.  Like...who wouldn't!       Yep...I'd do the same efffin thing!
That's BOTH OUR MAKEUP. I shit you not!
We're both going to get our REWARDs in Heaven. YEAH,RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH! I forgot to tell you that I found two gorgeous tiles with Iris' on them where I went for the postcards. :0) They can be hung or displayed as a picture. On the diningroom wall is where they will go as other flat spaces are LIMITED to what I can fit on them. sighhh  This is the same place I bought my iris paintings ( luv em) and my hutches. It's been years since I've been there.  Must go again. Never know what I might find in there. :0)

That's what I get for vanity. Put a nice ugly bruise on my right leg earlier....don't ask me how. sighhhhhh   Maybe it will blend right in with the "spider veins." ;0)

The dermatologist's office called last night while I wasn't home. One of the places on his face is pre-cancerous and needs to be removed. It's the reddist one on his face in the pic I posted yesterday. They will call and give him an appointment to have it removed. Wednesday he has Spinal Cord Injury Clinic which runs from 8 a.m. til afternoon sometime. Every year he always skips the last appointment of the day. ...the psycologist.

Daughter Cheryl and her husband Dana just stopped by to pick up the items I bought for the kids beds.  She's despondant as usual. Sick to death of her sixteen year old daughter's boyfriend living there AND HIM. Psycologist told her she would be making a BIG MISTAKE in forcing him to leave. She needs him in her life right now.  Shayla threatens that she will leave if he has to.  Of course...it's not her they want gone, nor do they like the sinister suggestion that it would not be wise to throw the asshole out. Feel like they are trapped in ntheir own house under threats of this and that.  Gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...trapped....that sounds fsmiliar. Showed her where I keep my money now. She started crying saying I shouldn't have to live like that.   Yeah...I know!

Well...I need to do something today...even if it isn't right.  Thursday... WATCH OUT....here I come!
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D Right off the bat

....let me thank you all for your support and caring. :0) What everyone of you emoted to me is "right on." YOU CARE!  I'm hopeless.....but of course I'm not telling you anything that you did not already know about me. sighhhhhhhh    FACT:  My reason for being alive....is to bring some sunshine into others lives. Myself....and the recipient both get something out of it! IF...during the days when things were TOUGH for me, someone had helped me out or just bought me some nice clothes, ( I wore maternity clothes even when I wasn't pregnant ) so I could get the necessities for my kids....I would have been.... ( there are NO WORDS to tell you the emotions that would run through me , had that been. )
Somewhere in my mind lives this "idea", bring others pleasure. My dad would stop at roadside stands and pick me up a 50 or 100 pound sack of potatoes from time to time when I lived in CA and my kids were small. There are no words to describe how much I appreciated him doing that for me....NONE! I shit you not!
I guess ....my guess... is....those I've done the most for....expect it!

I called daughter Cheryl yesterday to let her know that I picked up bedding for the kids and she was so happy and excited. As we were speaking the truck with the beds pulled into her yard. :0)  Later she called me back to tell me how all three grands loved them. What they had been sleeping on was over 10 years old and their backs were killing them.  I suspect...that's THE TRUTH! When my mattress has been that old ...I haven't forgot the lousy nights sleep and the pressure point pains. :0(
The one that I have now, I bought not to soon before we came into the extra money and I was ELATED to find this set up against a wall in JC Penneys and went to find the salesman to ask, "how much" for this set. He told me it was $400 ( last years model) ( in my budget) BUT it was going to be used on a display bedroom setup. Was NOT FOR SALE !  I pleaded with him to call his boss. Yes, I said..pleaded. He said he'd call me at home later that day and he did. It was mine! :0)   Now....when I say it was within my budget, what I mean was...it was what I was willing to spend on MYSELF!  I still was buying things like food and school clothes, paying utility bills and making Christmas for grands, etc, etc.
. Yeah...I'm a Basket Case. " I shit you not!
At this very moment I have four or five items of clothing in a Kohls bag that I bought for Jill last week and I haven't felt cheery enough to hand her the bag. She doesn't need them. You can take my word to the bank ON THIS ....I have over-bought her clothes for years ....they are pretty, I would have liked to wear them when I was young, therefore.... I BUY!  I'm a SICK PUPPY!
She wore a lovely dressy dress the other night and told me everyone complimented her on it. She told them ( and always does) my mom bought it for me.  In fact a few of the women I've met at the VFW have told me, "I love the clothes you buy your daughter." 

Speaking of....the VFW. I went there at 7 p.m. last night.  I had not intended on going out, but hubby got me so fucking riled up insisting and insinuating with a nasty  UGLY face and tone,  that it was I and my desktop PC that fucked up his tv remote and he couldn't change channels. This is the second time it's happened and the other time which was just days ago, me and my PC were to blame then too. The fucking attitude and ridicule he used on me sent me scurrying to change and put makeup on and get the fuck out of Dodge. BUT...not before I told him I was going to A BAR and LOOKING FOR A MAN that would TALK NICE TO ME. Honestly Dear Diary....I was SERIOUS , but it just so happened that I didn't find someone that looked appealing , but I did find CONVERSATION. :0)  The VFW still had leftover food that my SIL made and Jill delivered the day before. The bartender warmed me up some stuffed shells and I had salad with it. Two drinks.  Sat there from 7 to 9:30p.m.  By then only two others were at the bar. I mentioned to the bartender about it being a quiet night. "It always is after a holiday", he said. Jokingly I said, I didn't know that yesterday was Christmas..... see...he was talking about them having hangovers and I was joking that they were broke. ;0)
Speaking of the bartender....guess WHO! Same one that Jill closed the bar with Saturday night. Now that's an uneasy feeling....BUT I got over it right away!
Came home to a FULL driveway. Jill's car, Butchies and Tracie's. UGH! Parked on the street. Tracie did go out and move hers out and put mine in.  I'm like to myself...what the fuck is she doing here. I still don't know. She had a pizza delivered and ate before I came home, BUT she did hand me $100 of what she owes me :0), so maybe that was her main reason for coming. After 7 p,m. is a strange time to come otherwise. Asked for 2 bottles of water and a roll of toilet paper as she was leaving.   ...sure..................
What the hay!
 Hubby was still awake....I went straight to my PC . I am trying to get things entered into it. Don't know why, cause the external hard drive still isn't installed. Swore to myself I was NOT going to use it until everything I put in it WAS SAFE. I LIED to myself....  sigh. Sitting at that pub table on those high seats using my laptop for any length of time, is not the most comfortablist thing. I shit you not! Is comfortablist a word? Ask me if I care. ;0)
I have  email addys to enter into this still....sigh..... DID download ALL my pictures. That thing works on this PC. :0) That's why I sent you an email from my laptop Trish. I couldn't get you up on this desktop. Still haven't.  Need to see where the link is. Thanks.

Craziness....let me tell you about craziness. Grandson Buddy ...since I saw him Mothers Day for the first time in years ( maybe 8 years)  got interested or furthered his interest in his ancestry and joined Ancestry.Com. Has been emailing me and telling me all the cool stuff he has found. Sent me an invite....for a Free Trial. 
YOU KNOW ME.... three days later I JOINED. Now where the efff do I find the time to do this, I ask of you????? I am sooooooooooooo brain dead. I shit you not! 

Hey! I won, I won.  Cancelled my checkup appointment and sat at this efffin PC watching the minutes tick off to 11:30ish and entered $200 forty seconds before the clock ran out.  Highest bid was $51. Not bad considering that my high bid was $45 up until then.  All this to please....at least I think hubby would be pleased if he could see himself laid out in his casket.  Yeah...I told you already. I'm a "sick puppy," ;0)

SO...let me show you my hiding place. In my undies. Tied there!

ATTRACTIVE...HUH! Depending on how much money I have in it, it could look like I have a "baby bump."! ;0) I use to wear this around my neck ( under my top) when I went to Foxwoods to gamble. SEE...it's been years that it has SAT in my bureau drawer and BY GOLLY...I found another use for it. Now if...I had thrown it away.....:0(
It is c o m f o r t i n g to pat my tummy and know where the fuck my money is. I shit you not!
I have to change my ways further and ONLY KEEP one week of paper person money at the ready. The newspaper is $4.25 a week and I have always kept a $5 bill and $1 bill clipped together with a paperclip and thrown lots of quarters in that same bowl with sometimes 6 weeks of paper person money at the ready. When you have fives and ones it's nice to be able to do that. WELL NO MORE! I've missed many a $6 and the quarters have somehow mysteriously gotten down to two quarters.
My deceased friend Belle's mother use to think people were stealing her money and hid hers in her orthopedic shoe. Got to where it threw her off balance one day and she fell and broke her hip. At age 90...it was the beginning of the end for her. :0 Not using my shoe for a hiding place. No siree. ;0)

How about these pics... Took these the day after the dermatologist sprayed liquid nitrogen on hubby's many pre cancerous areas. Oh...and no phone call, so the two biopsys must have been non cancerous. :0) hand, then arm,

Biopsies on his face.  One above the eyeglasses, onebelow.

other arm

Thought I took one of the top of his head, but didn't see it just now. Big one up there.

Nasty looking,huh. All healed now. He goes through this every 6 months. Sometimes less .
There are going to be alot of people that put hot top down on roads and driveways in this same mess. Someone has to do it....BUT there is a price to pay. It's one job that you can't suit up for....and back then the warnings telling you to use sun screen weren't happening.

I have TWENTY MINUTES before I have to wake hubby up to take his meds. Sarah may be doing THAT for me. Cash just started howling. I think she is on her way in with the baby. NOPE! Security camera in front of me shows so one is here that wasn't here last night. If you catch " my drift."
Now let me show you something easier on the eyes. The dress I bought for Sarah for her B day that she can club in on her cruise.

front

back

All sequins. Sarah must be all of 5ft 9 inches and she wears HIGH , I tell you HIGH HEELS.

See.... I love doing things like this! I shit you not!

I would never have worn something like this at age 28. WHY ??????  Was 130 pounds when I met hubby. Was too reserved. Damn it!  Sarah can and will do this dress justice!
I'll live vicariously...through her. ;0)

That dent I made in clearing out empty boxes in the livingroom ...now has Gavin's outgrown baby stuff waiting to go into Jill's storage unit ( that I pay for ) Shame on me..... Was $90 a month. Now is $100. Multiply that times twelve years. I don't care to do that and get sick. Sicker than what I am!  She says as soon as the weather clears up, she will take them there. What THAT has to do with the price of tea in China..I don't know. We are not having a monsoon.
Son Randy came yesterday on the way to put his truck in to his friend's shop. Wheel bearing going. I will pay for what that costs as part of what he has done for me in LABOR here. HE....forgot to leave his tool boxes home. Guess where they sit. IN MY BEDROOM, where they are safe from Butchie ( who has been known to pilfer some of Randy's tools). OH...he denies it, but who else paints and could use a paint extender. Other of his tools have beem missing from my shed. Nice if there is such a thing as nice tape measurer.... HIS came up missing. FACT... Other than Gil...no male that can walk out to the shed has been here. Pawn shops wouldn't want those items. Butchie paints inside and outside of houses. No Einstien needed to figure this one out! I shit you not!
I LIVE IN A PALACE! 

Tools on my bedroom floor ( where the might be the safest.)

 Baby paraphernalia and figure skates on the book case. Where's the ice???? It's time ...THEY GO!

Palace??? I LIE!

Have you ever felt LIKE THIS!

FUCK...I forgot to give hubby his meds at eight. It's 9:10 and I just thought of it again. HOW...do I do that????  Jill put my change in the safe from the grocery store. :0) Just looked at the TAB...$108  ...THIS after I spent $150 the day before. :0(  

Gil needs his Hot Pockets and other goodies, gatorade, Coke,Doritos,Sprite, froz. pizza.  Logan's pepperoni, ice cream, peanut butter cups. Etc,Etc.

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D Continuing on those same lines as yesterday

I continued to express my dismay at everything. Only g son Gil was here to hear me and he took the vac to the parlor so his brother's friends didn't see all the shit on the floor in there. Same with some of the boxes and a few other things that I did not get out in a shed yesterday ( too heavy for moi).
Jill came home around 11 a.m.  I wasn't through expressing my dismay at the situation in this house.  Both she and Gil were telling me I should take another happy pill.  sighhhhhhhhhhh
She claims/claimed she cleaned the dog bowls and mat a few weeks back. Wellllllll.. Hooptie DO! How about every couple of days.
Then she tells me that Butchie, his daughter Alex and his old buddies g daughter will be coming to swim. Jamie is Jill's first loves grand daughter. NOW tell me about it being a small efffin world!  IN fact Chris introduced Jill to Butchie. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  Chris was an abuser when he was 15/16. Hear he has changed. ( went to different programs on abuse)...things might have been different if he wasn't free with his hands back 35 years. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Wellllllllllllllllllllllll SHUT MY MOUTH.....when Butchie came with the kids, he mentioned in their conversation that she was lucky he doesn't own a gun (jokingly). IT SEEMS...she went to his house after the VFW and all he saw was a silouette outlined in his bedroom door. 
You know me...I can't keep my mouth shut....asked her how far it was to his place from the VFW. About the same difference in distance. Told her ONE DAY she will kill a person or family. Went further and repeated myself that I WILL NOT BAIL HER OUT or pay a lawyer A CENT!. She told me she didn't want me to. She will spend the night in jail and get a public defender.
Fucking answer for everything....she has.  I need to take better CHILL pills, they said.  I had had choice words for him before he told me that. Told him he best have the money to bail her out and hire and atty and pay for drunk driving school and all that good shit!
Out of his ear shot, I said to her, " thought you told me that you had the time of your life last night" and she repeated she did.  I'm not stupid enough to think it was Butchie she was having that TIME with. Asked her if Al was married. "Mom I'm not going to answer that with you being in a bad mood."
My response to her was..."what happened to your Code Of Honor that you would never mess with someones husband?" You didn't like it when it happened to you!  MY GUESS IS that has fallen by the wayside too when she has enough alcohol in her.

Presently I have Ryan,Sarah,Gavin, Gil, Butchie,Alex and Jamie around or in the pool and more will be coming.  Jill ran back to the VFW to wash up the many pans she didn't touch last night......as her and Al must have been having too much "fun." Hubby is out in his wheelchair watching them and I am going to spread out on my bed and try to say...."Fuck You World" and snooze. BBL

Woke to Sarah's parents and 2 grown brothers that still live at home here. Everyone was in the front yard eating my potato salad and steak tip sitting around that hexagon wood picnic table that Jill doesn't want and soooooooo son Randy put a For Sale sign on it and is hoping to sell it. Personally ....we could use it!  Kids don't care that it's hard to get your legs up and over to sit and Miss Jill was sitting at it too ....just like nothing. ;0)  For the life of me... I can't remember Sarah's mother's name. She is more personable today. Let me think.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Fuck it...let me go ask Jill.
SHE"S SLEEPING!  Oh yeah......she did work yesterday, had the time of her life last night, worked this morning........understandable...that's she's tired. Butchie split with Alex and Jamie...AGAIN. They are tired of swimming and are boredddddddddddddddddd.  Hubby is out on the back deck going down Memory Lane with Sarah's dad. He was Army ....games they played as kids, those kinds of memories. ;0) WTF! I can't think of his name either!

Checked on that AirForce uniform that I was the sole bidder on and someone OUTBID me. Four people are bidding on this uniform.  I swear people have their friends bid against people.  Who the efff else would want this uniform with a size 40L top huge waisted pants????  Anybody else got a loved one they want to lay out in this???  Tomorrow is the last day and I will be staying glued to my computer and Ebay! I shit you not. I want this uniform top BAD! I shit you not!
They were asking $30 to begin the bidding. I bid $45 max and the Bid is up to $46.  Bastards..........;0)  

5:10 p.m. found me on the road headed to Walmart , then on to the Outback was my plan. From there the cemetary in my town to put a flag on hubby's brother's grave ( whomever puts those flags on graves have NEVER put one on his brother Jimmy's grave :0( ) Flowers for my mom and dads.
It dawned on moi at 5:20 p.m. Sarah's parents names. Sharon and David.  Before I left I went to say goodbye to them......they had left. AGAIN WITHOUT SAYING an even...go fuck yourself. They have never said hello, goodbye , thanks for everything....NOTHING! No small wonder that I don't remember their fucking names. One would think that after ten years she would get over her fucking mad at Jill for approving them living together at 18 and 20. Just cause her first love ( Sarah's father ) left her.....didn't mean that Ryan would leave Sarah.
Sarah took her step dad David's last name when she was around sixteen. He must be a wonderful step dad to her. :0)
A new friend of Ryan and Sarah's , her boyfriend, 2 of their friends kids and a friend of theirs ( all girls around 8, Alex's age were here when I left. 

Where was I???? Oh , heading to Walmart.  Filled my cart and went to the register. Opened my purse and noticed two twenties  folded together. WTF! After paying slightly over $150 for groceries the night before, I drove over to the ATM in the same parkinglot and withdrew $100 in case son Randy needed gas money.  My purse save but a few $1's was EMPTY at that time.Until last year, I had never had or used an ATM card. Son in FL talked me into getting one and BOY am I glad he did now!
   Someone was KIND ENOUGH to leave me $40 of my $100. That someone would be GIL!  UNLESS I sleep walk and went shopping in the middle of the night...HE STOLE IT! 
The company never came in my bedroom and I was stupid again and left my purse on the bench at the table for about an hour last night while I put groceries away, etc. . Three times I passed it on the way into my bedroom and the third time I scolded myself for not getting my purse into my bedroom and DID. It was THEN I should have checked my purse, but of course I didn't. :0(  I tell you...Gil has to be damned good at stealing out of purses.  I was in and out and about so much that my mind didn't conceive he had any opportunity.  Foolish me!
My fucking wallet is under my mattress now and watch me leave home without it. :0(
Soooooooooooo back to Walmart.....paid by check....drove on to the Outback and ate. Got in my car and it was pill time for hubby so I called home to ask Jill to give him them. Told her about my missing money. We are suppose to talk about it.....when???  I let her know how disparaged I was. All I do is try to make things better for everyone else and I get money stolen from me.   The matress' for daughter Cheryl's three kids will be delivered today. Bought matrress protectors ( cloth, not plastic) and pillows for all three. Was going to get them each a nice blanket....and forgot:0(

It was getting dark, ( 8 p.m. ) so I headed back into my town to the cemetary.
No flag on Jimmy's grave ( surpriseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)  Flags were waving everywhere else. The thing we purchased for the headstone to hold a flag was missing AGAIN. In the beginning it was glued to the headstone. Somehow, the glue didn't hold. It would always be by the headstone and hubby would glue it on again....and again.  THIS TIME....POOF!  I stuck the flag in the dirt, put flowers ( silk ) on each of my parent's graves and began to look for the other Jimmy's grave. Deb's father James. Knew it was in the same section as our grave...just further back from the main road. I walked the length between the cemetary road our grave is off of and the next cemetary road , back and forth. Called Deb....no answer. Called my son and he answered. Deb was in a Conference Call.  He's trying to explain to me where he thinks Jim's grave is and I'm walking from one road to the other and up a row and back to the road my car is parked on and up a road ....over and over reading the names off headstones. His ashes are buried on top of his mother's grave. . Six...seven rows up... I gave up. It was dark.
Hung up, apologized to Jim for not finding him , but I remembered him.  He has a plaque with his service info on it. Those always have a flag placed on them, so I take comfort in the fact that I'm certain he was remembered and a flag flys over him.

Home....put most of my purchases away. Left Cheryl's things in my car trunk. Last time we talked she had told me she had been out of toothpaste for two weeks and purchased some with the money I had given her. Bought her  two more tubes, deo, bandaids, Ibuprofin that she needed last time she was here and I had none to give her and other things like that. Six pack of Dove soap. I wish I had stayed in Walmart shopping longer, but I knew the clock was ticking and darkness would come.  If I am to be truthful.... even roads I am very familiar driving are NOW giving me trouble traversing after dark. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Gil was not home. Nor was he home after ten when I called it a night.
I keep hearing from Jill that he can't be doing hard drugs cause he passes the drug test or he would not be RX'd his meds..... maybe so, but the money I keep missing sure the hell buys those BLUNTS!
 He hasn't given up pot and it isn't required. I can't imagine that his friends are that good that they keep sharing their POT and BLUNTS with him and expect NOTHING IN RETURN.
NOR DOES SHE! 

Jill cleaned up or Ryan did,  the dirty serving plates, grille utensils, etc. I   left them there and was pleasantly surprised to see the kitchen pretty much as I had left it that morning upon my return. :0)

OMG! I am suppose to be somewhere this morning. Just ran for my date book. 10:50 a.m. PHEW.... checkup with the spine doctor that injected the cortisone. Now to find which town I have to go to. He has three offices.

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!

D D It came to me today

as I was busy struggling to make a dent in the MESS in my kitchen, while I made 2 tubs of potato salad ( son Randy always wants some of mom's good tater salad for his home ), cleaned the dog bowls and mat that was disgusting, (I shit you not!), put a load of laundry in, gave hubby his meds (on time), fed him Wheaties with bluebrerries, arranged and wiped shelves in my fridge to make room for the tater salad, washed dishes, washed more dishes, washed pans ( hard boiled eggs and red taters), washed a mat for Charlene not Charlie and fed her (the mat is to save my new porch from getting dried up spilled cat food on it), put stuff away, cleaned two counters out of four....has anyone given any thought ...EXCEPT MOI...as to what the fuck happens when this baby starts to craw...let alone walk.  My kitchen, diningroom and bathroom floors don't get washed for months on end.  You read that right. MONTHS ON END!  I don't know if it's a "stand off" with Jill and I OR WHAT! I can place a time on when she stopped doing housework almost completely ...back to when she began drinking.
Months go by now between mopping.
I'm no Spring Chicken and if hubby and I were the only two living here, things would not be in the condition they are as fast as they are.
I get so disgusted looking around at things.  I shit you not!
Speaking of Jill.....she came home around 8 p.m. last night after prepping food for and catering a cookout for 150. Changed clothes and left...saying after I asked where she was headed...to the VFW for awhile.  Last time I talked to Gil around midnight he had just spoke to her on the phone ( he called her ) and she said it was just she and the bartender left at the VF.  SO... when I woke around 6 a.m. and headed to the Keurig ,I saw her door open and her bed empty. WTF????
She has to work today prepping food and delivering it to the VFW for after the parade for the vets that will march in up in our town center today at ??? I'd suspect noonish???  It's 9:30 a.m. and she isn't home.  I go between worrying if she is okay and being bullshit.
Butchie has his daughter Alex this weekend, so I know she isn't with him. She isn't wearing his ring, like I thought she was. Not that he didn't ask her to put it back on. She told him NO. ....THIS TIME.  He'll wear her down again.. He always does.

Where was I??? Oh the filthy floors...that don't get swept for weeks and washed for months.  Dog hair everywhere and whatever else gets dropped and ground into the floor.  DISGUSTING!
Gavin was five months old as of the 17th of May.  Tick, Tick,Tick!

I'm going back out into the kitchen and plug away some more. WHY??? For the life of me, I don't know. It doesn't bother anyone else but me, so in that case ...I'm ELECTED to do what I can, when I can. It  must be nice to be able to turn a blind eye to the fucking mess inside this house.
I wouldn't know! I shit you not!

Happy Memorial Day. Son Randy had to take down our tall flag pole...it has seen better days and I bought one you mount on the house/fence,etc. yesterday at the grocery store and son Randy put it up before he left for the day.:0) Hubby was happy. So was I. All the men and women that have died or been wounded ( some terribly ) need to always be remembered for their sacrifice.
I hear the front door.... could it be??? YEP her...JILL.  Getting a late start on her job today,,,Wanted to say who fault is that but herself . Kept my mouth shut. Didn't keep my mouth shut on what I thought of her staying out all might whe all that was left at the bar was ..her and the bartender Al. Some people WORRY, I told her. I'm sorry ,she said. The she went right into the song... I had the time of my life. 
My feelings on that are....is he fucking going to marry her and provide a roof over her head. That would be GREAT NEWS to my tired ears.  Thought hit me that it was JUST GREAT SEX....wham bam, thank you mamm....I don't want the worries and resposibility of taking on a wife and family. :0(
My thoughts are racing ahead of me.... Take my daughter..pleeeeze!   I want to be able to sing...I had the time of my life at her wedding. :0)

Grandson Ryan just came with baby  things Gavin has outgrown.
I asked Gilby to do a few things for me and he did. Trash out....things put in a shed ( where ever they could fit!)  In our converstion earlier today,( after I yelled at him ), he told me I am not on the correct amount of Xanax. I have the lowest dose. Needs to be increased.  Told me he was taking two good sized doses un- prescribed) last year and he didn't give a shit about anything or anyone.  Lost a good two months of his life. THAT was after I told him I didn't think there was any amount of drugs I could take to make the shit house in distress not bother me. Beg to differ with you, he said.Then told me that story.

And just when I think things could not get worst....they do. Grandson Ryan came with all of the baby items Gavin does not use anymore. Swing, bassinet and MORE to put in the attic. Climbed the drop down stairs...looked around with his eyes and said..."it looks like an episode of Hoarders up here. I told him to stack them in the parlor where I just cleaned a bunch of shit out and ask his mother to take them to her storage unit.....THOSE and the fucking XBOX band stuff. Drums, guitars that are covered in dust in the parlor and taking up SPACE. They haven't been touched in over a year. OH yeah ...five pair of ice skates too that sat in there all winter ( too warm to form ice on the ponds, etc. )
THEN...he said, I'll be back later nana with Sarah, the baby and a few friends. I bought steak tips, etc. and bought potato salad.  OMG! We'll have potato salad coming out our ass.
Livingroom did look like it had a chance of seeing some rug and having a straight path to walk. :0(
My Xanax is only .5 mils. I TOOK A SECOND. Gil tells me that I WILL BE FINE. Things will just bounce off of me easier. I CAN DIG IT!  Next doctor visit I want my Xanax UPPED!
NOW I need to shower, even if I didn't plan to at this hour....for when his company comes.
Second pills not working yet, cause I GIVE A SHIT ON WHAT MY APPEARANCE IS LIKE when Ryan's friends come!
Son Randy should be here soon and my B/P will rise. He does THAT to me and I do THAT to him.
(((hugs)))

I'm a WTCH! Was born in Salem,MA and if Elizabeth Warren( you know who the fuck I'm speaking of, can claim indian heritage....I can clearly state I'm a witch...or is that a BITCH. Depends on whom you are taking to, I guess. ;0)

That's All Folks!