D D The Rusty Years Chapter 9

Friday June 18th.
Same day,  different hour.
Rose from my computer chair after posting and ohhhhhh my aching legs.  Sat too long. sigh!
Hubby was still sleeping and there was no sound from Jill's room and I enjoyed the quiet .
Watched some of the trial for awhile on my computer and hubby slept on.
Shit, showered and shampooed and began a load of laundry.  Hubby still slept on and Jill???? Still no sounds coming from her room. Oh yeah! She helps me alot.
10:40 a.m. the pup is howling in her room wanting to play with Lady. Hubby sleeps on.
Got up to see if his chest was rising and falling. It was.
   I suspect that sometime today WB will be in the Moose and and be told I was there and in turn tell her.
Bring it on!
11 a.m. The pup is howling again. Hubby is still sleeping. I realize we talked some and it was midnight before we shut our eyes, but sleeping eleven hours??? Okay, I'm envious of him. I'll admit it.
Jill is now up and moving about with the phone to her ear.
11:45 Hubby still sleeps on.
12:23 p.m. hubby stirs. He's waking up. Good just in time for his meds.  Voided 250ccs. I left the room toflush it and when I came back he was across the bed with his pj bottom still down. Asked him why . Fell back on the bed as he couldn't stand that long.
What the Hell is going on? Yesterday he did so good.  The meds are still sitting on his nightstand and it's now 12:40.   Before he woke I nuked and scoffed down the last of the leftover Linguine and Clam Sauce.
I didn't care how old it was. It was good. My breakfast oatmeal was 3 Points and this suspect I ate the other 26 Points for lunch. My problem!
Pulled his Depend up after he managed to stand and he sat and took his meds.
It was at this time that I took pity on the birds and went out the back slider to fill feeders.
How did that work out, Pat? It didn't!  First feeder was gustustingly filthy as was the rest with fermented seeds that needed a putty knife to remove. I'm about to wash the first one in the sink when I hear hubby call out, " any coffee?" Lo and behold the light was still  lit on his 2 cup coffee pot and when I sipped it it was bitter from sitting so long. He asked for a second cup with no complaints. :0)
Before he took his first sip out of the first cup he wanted me to look at his butt which required the Depend to be pulled down which I did . Yep... a noticable large round area which looked like the beginning of a pressure sore. The other redness on both side of his scrotum need an antifungal the VNA siad and after she was on hold to speak to a V.A. nurse to ask that his primary give him an nya ?  for 30 minutes Thursday she had to give up and go to her next home appointment.   It was at this time I decided to take The Bull By the Horns and made the call to the V.A. nurse and waited and waited and waited on hold. You are now caller # 7. Minutes pass. You are now caller #6. You get the picture. Finally spoke to a V.A.nurse. It was after 2 and I never heard back if it would be available to be picked up at the phamacy window at the Lowell V.A.
During my wait on hold he asked for oatmeal and I made it.
   Jill had taken her shower sometime around one. Her son Gil and a buddy of his came minutes before she got in the shower. Hubby was exposed as I was washing his groin area and applying an ointment to the groin area and another to the butt redness.  Quickly toss the sheet over him as we never shut our bedroom door and I was standing right there at his side at that time. 
Here we go again. I no sooner wash those areas , apply ointments , get his Depend up and him propped up and he has to PEE. " Help me up ", he asks. "Pull my pants down". He can't stand without holding the bed railing ( the one he never wanted on our bed ). Of course that meant I was asked to hold his pens in the urinal and wipe it dry once he was done.  He had a sum of 50 cc's pee in the urinal. ( hadn't drank a thing but a few sips with his morning and noon meds and now the coffee. )
All the while he is yelling at me. His pocket T shirt gets in his way when he stands to pee. Too long...yanks that up over his head and off. What kind of T shirts are you buying me, blah,blah,blah. After pulling a few out of his drawer that are the same length we both thought of his hanes V neck undershirts and I got one of them .  Same length.   I was ready to grab my pinking shears and make his effin T shirt into a mid driff.  I shit you not!
Next he is winding the alarm clock that I set on his nightstand because he claims he can't see the one clock on the wall or the one on the TV box. Where did you buy this fuckin piece of shit, he asks. Told him that was purchased years ago when we used our trailer that we kept wound in case the electric went out or was not available.
So now it was one and a half hours later or better and I wanted to SIT.
Then minutes of 2 Jill says she will be back in fifteen minutes and off she goes. Logan comes through the door from school at 2 and first thing out of his mouth is " where's mom?" Told him what she told me. How long has it been was his next question as he makes a call to her. Once off the phone he tells me that she said to tell me that she will be another fifteen minutes. .
In my mind I'm saying to myself, can I just sit and watch this trial on my computer. sigh! Headphones off. headphones off.  THUD, Logan took a fall running through the kitchen. If the pup was under him he would have been seriously injured or dead. Running in socks was never a good idea on these tile floors. :0(
Ring, ring. Two phone calls in a row from 9 year old Adam. 2:15 p.m. and mom still not back and she wonders why I get pissed. As I go to tell Logan to get the phone, I see Tracie pulling into her driveway across the street. How many minutes before she will be at the front door? sigh!
I thought when we parted company last night I said I needed a day off when she asked me if I wanted to go out tomorrow.  I am feeling by this time like I want to jump out of my own skin. I shit you not!
Jill was back at 2:30 and was making American Chop Suey, one of Logan's favorite meals. Hubby will eat it. I love it, but shouldn't eat it.
2:45 Tracie was standing in front of my bedroom door. Needed a favor. To use my phone. She has lost her Free government paid for cell phone and service in her parents house has been shut off.  Asked me if I wanted to go do my exchange at Walmart later as she had a return. Sure. Give me a couple of hours I said to watch some of this trial. Jeff Ashton was tearing this guy that had been on the stand the entire day a new asshole. All morning long the testimony the defense was getting from him was B O R I N gggggggggggG !
    3;15 Jill asks me why I went to the Moose Hall. Was it before or after she brought the sub home. After.
Barry the bartender that served her had called her.  I had no business going into the Moose and talking about her. She's an adult. No ones elses mother has gone into the Moose about their grown daughters drinking in there. Blah,blah! Told her it was because I LOVE HER ( no yelling ) and maybe other mothers didn't care about their daughters.  I told her I did not cause a scene. Barry told me DeeDee drove my car with you in the passenger seat, YET, you were the driver when you pulled into the driveway. I told DD she didn't have to drive me to the sub shop and she left with Tom.  I said,  then my issue is with DD and Tom for letting you drive. Barry didn't lie to me.
You have no business discussing my drinking with people at the Moose. I never said I was quitting drinking. I had 4 drinks yesterday. Two at the Anchor in Beverly with my lunch and 2 at the Moose. When I drank my first drink at the Moose, it hit me.  So are you telling me that you are almost to where Butchie is, I asked of her.  You say two drinks and he's drunk.  Three and you are drunk? Then the excuses flew. I haven't been drinking as much lately, it's been how many days since I had my last drink. ( At least she couldn't use the excuse that she hadn't eaten :0)  )  Neither of us did any yelling but from her tone, I knew she was p o'd. Too f'n bad.
meantime...I am not getting to SIT and watch and listen to that trial.
Her last comment was, " you should know better than to argue with someone that is drunk. "  " Did I tell you that I was in my right mind " was my last comment before I turned and walked back into my bedroom.
I enter our bedroom and hubby is shitting on his porta potty. Four kids I spied coming up the walk with towels . Panic set in. Jill tell the kids they can't go in the backyard yet.  She tells Logan it's supper time and no kids in the back yard yet. At the same time I asked him to yell over to Tracie that I was going to eat my supper before I went out. I could see her in her driveway. Jill had made 3 individual meatloafs and asparagus and a baked potato.  I was just in the diningroom when i spoke to Logan and I hear hubby yell out for me. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Back in I run and he is on the porta potty. He had needed my help to get to it. ????? geesh I didn't think I was gone that long and far off.  He used it and I emptied and washed it out with Pinesol. Supper is on the table. Back in the bedroom to place it back and hubby says, " help me into the bathroom so I can wash my hands.. HUH!!!!!!!! WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to pee again too.  HUH!!!! WTF!!!!!!! I said, " you just shit in the porta potty because you couldn't wak into the bathroom and NOW you want to go into the bathroom and pee and wash your hands??????????????????  My head is reeling about this time.
He did and i waited and waited standing to eat as I knew as soon as I sat I would have to get up and assist him to his chair to sit at the table. 
It didn't get any better. Meatloaf was pure salt. Dropped half of his baked potao beside my plate. You eat it, too much for me....and I did. :0(
He ate the asparagus and half a baked potato and was done. Meanwhile he had only had sips of water with his meds, 2 cups of coffee and 1 full bottle of water and part of another. Was only putting out 150 cc's of urine most of the day.
Got him back in bed, a quick kiss goodbye. Tracie is in the house and I knew he's get ugly. He did later when Michelle came for a quick visit. Had to get back home and busy closing out the end of the month of May for their catering business.  Once again i listened to him rant to her about Tracie and how he will get a restraining order , blah,blah. Once again I reminded him that I invite her in, she's my friend. The F word flew from him and I said in ending Fuck You too. I told him I never had friends . You had Mary he yells. I reminded him that he complained about her too. Oh that was because she was on the phone to you for hours and I couldn't get through to call you to let you know I'd be working late. 
Under my breath, but loud enough for Micheele to hear it, I said " swear on your daughter Micheele's life you tried to EVER call me."  She know her dad wellllllllllllllllllllllll.  If he tried to call me once in all the years he worked I'd be flabberghasted.  He hit a bar after work and NEVER called me to let me know. Supper was cold and dried out many a time. Okay...I don't need to remember the shit I went through back then and get more worked up.
I'm going back and forth ...excuse me if you are having trouble following me.
I went to walmart. Looked for pocket t shirts.  Go figure. Since I purchased his pocket t shirts years ago they now have EXTENDED LENGTH pocket T shits in packages of three.  Which means they are even longer than the ones he already has..... cooku 4 cocoa puufs.  I shit you not1
I think that's great, but it's not what I need. sigh! The pinking shears are looking good about now. ;0)
Once back home ( was gone about an hour ) Jill calls my name. I go to her room and she tells me hubby wet his clothes urinating and asked her to put a clean Depend on and she did. he told her he was having a stoke. TIA WHATEVER!!!!!!!  Tracie is carrying my purchases in and I motion to her not to follow me and go in to him.  It's been an hour that this stroke has been going on. Numbness began in hand and eventually went to face and, and, and. It's not a stoke, it's not a TIA I told him. What is it then if it isn't he yells. Told him the doctors don't know. ( They lately have said it might be from his spinal cord injury that he is experiencing what he is experiencing.  ) Mind you he complained of none of these in well over a month. Maybe two. In Feb. and March it wwas almost daily. That's why he eneded up admitted to Doctors Hospital in February and extensive testing was done. No finding. Couldn't convince him he did not have a stroke while I was gone. When Michelle was here he told her about it and how Tracie and I were in the diningroom chatting it up and never came in to him. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Tracie was using one of my phones to again try to reach her neice in ME and was sitting on the front steps when Michelle came. Same when she left saying to me, " hang in there" and giving me a long hug.
Tracie finally came inside and told me she was going across the street to the house and if Trina called would I please send Logan over to tell her. Mind you this is more up and down for me as I hear the front door open and go to check who/whom is entering. Hubby has FORBID her to ring the doorbell. Just come on in he said in the past. Less dog barking and fine by me too. Most of Logan's friends have been told the same thing.
9 p.m. comes and Trina calls. Once I get back into our bedroom after asking Logan to get Tracie , hubby is asking who the fuck is calling here at that hour.  Nine p.m. ??????????????????????? 
Wasn't long after Tracie was off the phone and on her way back across the street that i heard the phone noise sthat lets you know the phone is off the hook. Turned and asked him what he was doing. He placed it back on the receiver and said " nothing". Liar, liar, pants on fire. I know what he was trying to do. Make sure she couldn't get another call.  Too late honey...she was done and gone. ;0)
Bought Lotrimin while I was at Walmart and had washed those areas and applied it.  Two hours later he wants me to wash the area again and apply more ointment as it was burning him. What...every two hours I have to do this???? Through the night too?????  My mind was toast by this time. The areas look rawer, so I wash him and apply the other kind of ointment. ( Only to hear from Jill this morning that she used that for her sons and it does burn for so many hours, but it gets better and is the best over the counter antifungal. It works. Oh wellllllllllll.... I'll apply it again today after his shower. Maybe he won't ask for a shower today and I'll just apply it.
My ankles were hurting. Noticed they had some swelling, This was around eleven p.m. and at that same time I thought of my own meds. I had missed a day...days?????  sigh!  Midnight lights out. Only after I had to locate where he put his flashlight to use during the night. HUH! Has to be able to see to see if he is done peeing. The penis drip, drip, drips and I am usually standing beside him waiting to empty the urinal and throw away the tissue/tissues he wipes with. Yep.... an enlarged prostrate causes this. Once yesterday I almost screamed out, " how much longer are you going to wipe". I began to think he was playing with himself. I shit you not! Five mintes of four I hear him trying to stand up. Asked if he needed my help. Yeah, he needs to shit on the porta potty. I sit on the bottom of the bed and s i t.   He went  a little. Cleaned that out and diinfected it and back into bed. 4:20 a.m.  Minutes before 6 he is again trying to get up. Needed to pee. Up I get. He went maybe 200 cc's. By the end of the day yesterday he had drank 2 coffees, 2 bottles of water and a glass of Pedialite. Not enogh. Had complained by  bedtime he was feeling pain in his stomach. Area where he felt pain when retaining fluid. I think he may be, but today he's not complaining.
Gave him his morning meds. One pain pill or two I asked. One. Thought he's be going back to sleep and I sit and hear, can I have some coffee.    I went and made his. Bitter was the complaint. Told him yesterdays coffee sat for hours and was bitter and he never complained. This was just made.  Okay..maybe it needed less grounds. I'll concede, but damn ...the measurer is the one I have always used and I keep it in the coffee bag. sigh!
Presently he is rifling through things in the above the nightstand cabinet and bleow looking for his little wrench he said when I just asked what he was doing. Reason...trying to fix his clock.
Dare I ask which clock. Wind up is fine. Maybe it's his limited sight clock that sounds like a rooster crowing when it goes off on the hour. Neighbor next door bought it from him after he first lost most of the sight in his left eye.  He hasn't used that in ages and sometimes accidently hits it with his hand when he reaches up on the headboard and the rooster does it's thing til he locates it and shuts it off. :0(
Where has the effffin time gone.????? It's 9:40 a.m.  Color me GONE!!!!!

I'm not checking over this for misspelled words or anything else. It is what IT IS.  I shit you not!

That's All Folks!

D D The Rusty Years Chaper 7

Thursday June 16th
Same day, same crap.

The apple juice was tasteless.
I bought Mott's brand. It's a well known brand here in MA.
Hubby proceeds in a loud voice to tell me he hasn't liked Mott's brand since he was a kid. 
WTF!  I didn't know him when he was a kid and he has never had a problem drinking it over the years.
He wants Ocean Spray cranberry juice . He has always drank that brand and I reminded him that when I purchased it in FL he said it was tasteless.  Which brought on a lesson in Ocean Spray cranberry juice that didn't make a lick of sense to me. Maybe it does to you. 
If it's made and sold here in MA  it's good. If it's made and sold in FL it is tasteless and no good. 
Next time I buy a bottle I will have to look and see where the manufacturing places are.
What for......  I'll just let that ride.

I finally did it.
I flipped my lid.
Only it wasn't with hubby, it was with Jill.
She left at noon in my car telling me she was going out for a bite to eat.  One o'clock came. Two o'clock came.
Meantime the R.N. and P.T. had come and gone. I had helped hubby bathe and dress.  Granted he did much better than he has and even managed to get in the tub himself without my help. 
Oh, I'm not saying that he didn't push my buttons. He did that plenty. 
Two o'clock Logan is home from school and calls her to see if he can go to a friends grandmothers house. I called out, " ask her when she is coming home". 
"Nana, she says she is just sitting down to eat. She'll be home in an hour."
WTF ! 
The plan to go to his friend's grandmothers didn't pan out and before I knew it I had kids here wanting to swim. Also his brother Gil had come with his girlfriend Emily to hang around and use the pool. 
I told Logan to call his mom and ask her to come home to babysit these kids in the pool. 
All he did was call her and ask if Audrey could swim and she said okay.  Sure.................. okay with her. She isn't home and wanting a nap. I did!  More time passes and I am getting the message that she just might be drinking..........something was nagging at me and one too many times I heard hubby say, " call Jill and ask her to pick me up a steak bomb."
I called her around 5:15 and right away I knew she was drinking. I thought you were going to grab some lunch, I said. I did, I wanted to to get away from this town and went to The Anchor in Beverly.  SO....you wanted to get away from this town ( the way it was spoken led me to believe she didn't want to be around her drunken cronies )and THEN you came back to this town and went to the Moose Hall where the people you were trying to get away from were,  ie: meaning drunks.  One word led to another between the two of us. Her denying she was drunk and me not buying it.  I hung up on her and went out front to water the drooping hanging plants and I was not a Happy Camper.My face was distorted as I yanked hose here there and everywhere.  I shit you not!  I had put them on Shepards hooks under /around the pink dogwood tree and she had moved them to show them off better when she mowed. All fine and good, but they need to be watered more often in the full sun and I just don't have the time or energy for that.
Fifty minutes later she pulls up with his steak bomb and comes inside and wants to continue . There sitting in the parlor IS  Gil's girlfriend and I made a waving motion and said "later".
"Oh no, we'll finish it now", she half yells half cries defiantly with her arms across her chest.  I flipped out. I shit you not!. Trying to reason with her was a waste of my time, but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh the release of pent up anger was cathargic.  On the phone she had told me she hadn't had a drink in a hundred days.  HUH!  Just last weekend she told me she had drank some drinks. She denied she told me that and said " I'd never stop drinking for a hundred days. I like to drink."  I like to drink, These last four words spoken more defiantly and beligerently than the first time. On and on. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why are you being like this. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa don't say that. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I  do plenty for you.Maaaaaa Deb and Tracie have rubbed off on you. Maaaaaaaaa you chose this life. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you are even making dad miserable with your yelling. Maaaaaaaaaaa that's what mothers do if they can do for their kids. This spoken up to my face with a glint of meaness in her eyes, " you chose to live a misrable life." Huh, that's news to me. Yes, it may be true that I kissed hubby's ass over these 44 years, but I did love him with all my heart in the beginning. It did turn to much less than what I wanted from this life of mine ,could have been worst....then there were the kids to raise. His and mine.
So yuh....I stayed ! Maybe someone else would have treated me better.This wasn't my FIRST RODEO.
 I knew he loved me. Providing for us was the only way he knew how to show it. sigh! 
Yeah...I did choose to stay in this marriage.  If it's a sin...I'm guilty as sin.
In between her words I am letting her know I am fed up, tired of giving and giving, tired of enabling her, tired of  being shit on, tired of worrying about her driving drunk, tired,tired,tired.  How many years do you think I have left Jill. I'm going to be 75 . What , maybe seven. ( My dad was 82 when he passed away ). I want some happiness in my life too. I don't need your shit on top of the shit I have already. I'm going to lose my mind.
" You want me gone. You want me out of here".  Don't start that shit, I yelled. I just want you to stop drinking. I let her know that she will not be babysitting her first grandchild when it's born. "Oh, are you dictating to me what I can do with my own grandchild." Nooooo, but your son and his wife have told me they will not leave you alone with thier baby if you are still drinking in December.
It's all up to you. Your choice. Not mine, I have nothing to do with it!
Told her she could stay home from now on and I'd go out and get drunk and try to drown my sorrows.
Dad... you use to drink and drive she whined . Yah, he says when she told him that after four beers he'd be considered drunk. Well then yuh, he says.  I let her know that back then the penalties was not like it is now, nor were people made aware that they could kill someone while driving drunk.  Oh I'm sure they knew it without it being blared from the newspaper and other media..   Maaaaaaaa you've been drunk she spits out at me and I admitted I have been maybe a whole six times, but I wasn't use to drinking and I went out dancing with hubby when I  drank. ( Here I go defending my past behaviors to her  :0(   )  I didn't go out during the day and get shit faced. Of course this is just what she wanted to do. Get me on the defensive.
I heard Gil groan once when we first began, " Oh no, not this. "
Wonder what his girlfriend was thinking.  Ohhhhhhhhhh wellllllllllllll.
Logan and his friends were happily making their 12 year olds noises in the pool and never turned towards the house. :0)
Lots more words were spoken by us both. I told her in front of hubby that if he passes away before I do, I am GONE! I'm out of here! He's sitting at the table eating his sub and is the quietest I have ever seen him.
The puppy had not been fed and be damned if I was feeding it. One meal missed wouldn't kill him.
Told hubby when she went to use the bathroom that the puppy hadn't been fed.( knew he would tell her ), kissed him goodbye and grabbed my purse and out the door I went. Tracie had come to take me to buy a bra with the half off receipt I had. This was the last day that I could use it.
I'd have found another excuse to get out of the house if it wasn't.
Of course she had been in the yard awhile and heard plenty, so I vented all during the drive.
First stop.. The Moose Hall. Put on a Happy Face :0) so they would unlock the door. Rang the buzzer to be let in and tried to signal the bar maid that was serving a customer. Asked a guy at the bar to ask her to meet me at the end of the bar when she could step over there. She had just come on, she explained. I don't even know who your daughter is. No sooner got the word Jill out of my mouth when a guy rises from his bar stool and approaches me.  He was the bartender that just got off duty. He acted like he had nothing but my daughters best interest at heart. He was cocked . They must get to drink while they are working.  I look out for your daughter all the time he tells me. Thank you, good, good, thank you. Butchie troubles again , he asks. I rolled my eyes.  I served her just one drink and wow just like that... she couldn't talk and I asked her if she drank a bottle before she came here. I told him that she had been drinking somewhere else before she got there. That explains it, says he. She asked me for a second drink and I asked her if she was kidding. Told her if she gave her keys to someone to drive her home I would serve her a second drink. She gave the her keys, I mean your car keys to Dee Dee and I gave her the second drink.Dee was driving your car and Tom was following behind them when they left this parking lot.  Thanked him again . Just wanted to get the hell out of there. For a brief moment I remembered that place as a happier time when I met hubby there when it was a bar called the IdleHour.
He was the bartender, but that's another long story.
Once back in Tracie's car I asked her who she saw behind the wheel of my car. Jill.
She did not lay eyes on Dee and Tom.  I'm not saying that bartender lied to me. She may have been a paasenger in my car when she left that bar, but after they were out of sight they split and she drove to the sub shop. Oh ya. Jill was right another time when she looked for all the world SMUGLY at me that she made it home and didn't get arrested. DID I?  They havent stopped me yet. ) Yet is the key word here. She thinks she is so damned smart being she has been doing this for some time now.    No one goes out to get sloshed and drive and get stopped. Shit happens.  There's no reasoning with a drunk. Zero !!!
I don't remember the drive to buy my black bra.  My mind wasn't on the road, being I wasn't the driver and if I was behind the wheel, I have no doubt that I would have been so distracted and not had my mind on what I was doing and caused............:0(
After exiting the store where I bought a bra we spied a long line outside of a store.. A sporting goods store was selling Bruins winning T shirts and baseball caps. In line we get. Now I had no intention of buying one for myself.  One for Jill's  three sons and her. We get ten customers away from the cashiers and they yell out, " we are sold out."  
Oh well. I had nothing better to do, but stand in a long line. Other people were pissed.  Ahhhh ...male testerone.  Makes you want to cry for those idiots that were yelling and swearing. NOT! Unfortunately I only wanted to cry for myself and not over a effin Bruin T shirt.  I shit you not!
Next into TJ Maxx. I swear I don't get out in this world ,much and I made that comment out loud in one department where a woman in her mid to late twenties was looking at things. Me too, she said.  She told me she has two young kids and she has to always buy for them and seldom for herself, let alone the frivolous stuff we both were looking at.  Actually it was kitchen wares.  Things I had never seen.  In parting I told her to enjoy them because they grow up so fast. Oh I do, she said as I turned and walked away. 
Next was Good Tymes to eat. We walked in the door just before nine. I had a salad, baked haddock, pickled beets and rice pilaf.  Mmmmmmmmm, mmmm good.  I was famished.
Next stop was home. Lights were off in the parlor. Fish tank light on and I knew no one had tossed them a flake or two in a few days, so I fed them and turned their light off. Noticed the French doors to the back yard open and shut them. Been swatting at mosquitos ever since. :0(  Hubby was yelling out, " who's here?" Me, I yelled back. Walked in my room and saw my slider screen still open enough for the dogs to get in and out and a thousand mosquitos to enter to suck our blood tonight.:0(  Hubby did tell me that she fed the puppy. He reminded her to feed it. She went on for awhile after I left ,he said when I asked . He thought she left. I noticed her bedroom door shut.  I think she went to bed. Either way, left or sleeping, I don't give a shit.
I opened Logan's bedroom door. He was watching TV. Asked him if he had supper. No.  Wasn't upset. he was chewing on sunflower seeds and later heated up the loaf of the Outbacks brown bread we took home Sunday for him. I need to go check on him and see if he is asleep. Field trip tomorrow.
I know...it's not my job to make sure he gets a good nights sleep. You can't take the nana out of me. :0)
He's asleep. Wished us Sweet Dreams when he last headed to his bedroom. I am always saying that to him.
Sooooooooooooo that is where I am now. It's 11:20 and I think I can use some sleep.
Not looking forward to tomorrow. You all were right and I so wanted to believe she was not a true alcoholic and could kick this on her own. Told her she needed support from AA. Of course she denied she was an alcoholic. Yep.. They all do.   sigh!  I feel sooooooooooooo let down by her.
No longer can I deny to myself that it is what it is and she is what she is. An alcoholic.
G'nite, the mosuitos are buzzing and I'm pulling my covers up over my head. It's 11:45 p.m.

Morning has come. Hubby took his meds with just a small grumble.
Logan has left for school.
Jill is acting like nothing happened. A typical morning for her in getting Logan his chocolate milk , setting his toothbrush out on the bathroom sink with toothpaste on it, checking his backpack to see what he needs.
Like myself...she lays his clothes to wear to school out as I always did for mine at that age.
We have both spoken to each other like nothing transpired. ( That's the way it's always been after words have been spoken ). Like nothing was said................... That's what I always got from hubby too after he swore and yelled at me years ago . Next morning...life goes on like usual.  No I'm sorrys. NaDa!
Yep...I stuck it out.  I chose my life. BUT Geezus, can't I have a few GOOD YEARS.
Glanced in her room at the pup with the new toy I bought him and saw WB propped up on a pillow, fully dressed ...shoes, shorts, colored T shirt.  Don't know what time he showed up this morning. He looks showered.  He's been letting out l o n ggggggggggg sighs. That's what he does when he is exasperated or anxious.
Hubby wanted to sleep longer. It's now minutes away from 8 a.m.  I'm not complaining. Hot coffee and a working computer are my friends.
Jill is out in the backyard with the pup cleaning up his poo. Which reminds me...no chlorine added or pool pump going last night. Isn't the first time and won't be the last.
   P.T. gave up after repeatedly trying to interest hubby in his Lift Chair.  he kept saying, " it's a piece of shit." From her I hear, " looks like I'm not going to change his mind" and I nodded.
Told her it will be the same with the AFO I left at my sons in Fl that she asked me to have my son mail.As soon as she said the words, he started in. "It's a piece of shit. That guy took advantage of me. He flim flammed me. I didn't want it and he knew I was old and couldn't see good and had me sign a paper so he could get paid for it ", and, and and.  Noooooooooooooooooooooo the rehab place he was in had soemone they used come in and fit him because it was THEY that thought he could benefit from having his weaken ,hyper extended leg and twisted ankle supported . Other P.T' persons that have come into the house have suggested something like that would be helpful if Medicare would pay for it.  They paid most of it and my son asked the man that made it to absorb the rest of the cost for us and he did.  Can't get that through hubby's thick skull though. Not that I thought I could............ever.  Maybe I did get something across, cause now he tells people that the guy ripped of Medicare. He didn't want it!
Noticing I'm twisting the left front part of my hair. I do that when I get upset. I'm going to make myself bald in the front of my head.  Tracie is always warning me of that.  
I hear birds chirping. Poor things...it's a bad year for them too. I have always kept food in the many feeders in the back yard and even put out bread that I soften with water so they can feed their young effortlessly.
Not so this year. sigh!  The chimes are chiming every so often. :0) They don't need no care.
It's quiet in my bedroom and down the other end of the house where the other two are.  Every so often I stop typing to just listen to the pleasant sounds.
Maybe I'll get in my car today and do a return. Ordered bed wedges online that came yesterday. They will not serve the purpose I ordered them for.  Maybe they take some getting use to to sit up in bed with the wedge behind your propped up pillows.  ? ? ?
Good news!!! Ginger has figured out how to use those dogs stairs to get up on the bed. I just turned around to see if she is up on the bed since she jumped down to go pee. Gone.  Looked at the Lift Chair and she is stretched out sleeping there. Her dog bed is under my computer table. She uses it... oh well.
Okay..... last night she made it up onto the bed a few times. Maybe she needs retraining. ;0)

It's going on 8:30. No one coming to see hubby today.  He looked damned good yesterday, except for not drinking enough to lighten his urine and keep his kidneys working ....he looked like he was as healthy as he was before we left home February 5th.  Most of the day he even sounded with it. :0)
As I think I have said before....I do love him. It's just not that much more that it could have been if he had been different. You get more with honey than you do with vinegar. Consequently, I've cheated myself too in accepting his behavior.  I shit you not!

That's All Folks!

D D The Rusty Years Chapter 7

Wednesday June 15th
By nine a.m. hubby was awake. Grumpy as usual, nothing new.
Took his meds when I reminded him that they were placed there at 6 a.m. .  Had 2 cups of coffee, asked me to cover him with a blanket while he did his excercizes. ( was sitting on top of the bedcovers ) and I gladly ran for a spare blanket and handed him his box of weights ( 1lb to 3lbs ) and he excercized away with a short nap in between.
One of his comments was " I'm tired of waiting for P.T. to come help me."  huh?
This from the man that said he didn't want anyone to come here anymore the other day. 
The bottom of the carboard box gave way as he went to set it down on the floor.  This set him to wondering how this could happen. huh???  Well you know me....I piped up and said maybe it got old, I don't lnow.
That didn't satisfy him. He was still questioning it and I reminded him that it now has an extra 3 lb weight in it he got at the rehab place in FL when he was there for 3 weeks.   Maybe the 3 extra pounds did it was my last comment on that.  sigh!  In the back of my mind I'm thinking...is he thinking someone sabataged the box so the weights would hit him. ???? They are only sand type bags with velcro that you strap on your leg. Nothing metal there.
Like what the efff does it matter WHY???  Box broke!  It didn't come with the weights. It's been used over 3 years .  CASE CLOSED, I wanted to add. I didn't though. I can be nice...sometimes. I shit you not!
Trust me....I am as eager for him to be able to get up and about safely as he is.  Granted he can't carry his own drinks and food with Canadian crutches under his arms, but that's okay.  I'll continue to do it.
No bigggie. A change of attitude would be nice though. I shit you not!
He began to complain of his stomach starting to hurt him around 2p.m. Asked for pedialite and asked me to keep a record of when I give it to him. HUH???  What's that to do with anything?  Okay Pat, take notice and make note.
It's 3p.m. now and he is sleeping.  Letting out long sigh of relief.  All in All he hasn't been that bad today. 
So far....that is!

Before I forget...........a lone female mallard landed on the pool today. Yesterday there was one lone maile. Before that 2 males.  I can't see any shit from them in the pool, but I'm sure they have shit in it. :0(
   I have forgotten to mention that I had cataract surgery on both eyes 3 years ago this past January.
????  Time flys when you are having fun :0)  I should remember because it was also when I quit smoking .
January 15th ( my mom's birthday ) 20?? .  It was so effortless to quit ( surprisingly for me anyway ) that it wasn't traumatic for me to remember I'm guessing.  This from an almost 3 pack a day smoker at the end. 
Unbelievable! I loved my butts!  I shit you not! A little over 20 years of being a smoker and I decided to give it up. I could put the money to a better use was my thought.   Praise CHANTX!!!!!
   Now what was the next thing I was going to mention????
Was it the monies owed us by workemens compensation?  I don't think so, but I will mention that the emails their attorney is sending to my son in FL looks like they are holding our monies HOSTAGE.
They want hubby to sign a form that he won't sue the company responsible for the Work Comp F Up( wording was something like this: it is in the best interest of my client that I am acting on their behalf and recommending they don't release the monies at this time under threat of a lawsuit.  HUH??? In this same email this attorney says there is no re-course for us to collect on extra monies ie; value of the dollar back ten years ago  to now, interest on monies they have known due us since  last Dec., and ? something else.   WTF!!!! 
No it wasn't about that, but I will eventually think of it.  That's why at my age it's smart to jot notes when the idea comes along. :0)   I am not SMART.  I shit you not!

It's almost 5p.m. Logan and three of his friends are swimming in the pool. Make that four friends.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  It may be 74 degrees, but we hardly saw the sun for four days.
   I expect Tracie around 6. She has an eye exam and will take me to Kohls .  It's senior day. Could have driven myself, but I'll make her happy.  She'd have come here regardless. 
   No one has called to give me a time they can come to see hubby.  While I am enjoying that break from people coming to the house, he needs P.T. sigh!
   Thank goodness for KFTV out of Orlando for bringing this Casey Anthony trial in it's entirety online.
Whatever you miss you can watch at your own convenience all the way back to Day One. 
Trust me, I have not been able to watch it as it was unfolding on Tru TV during the day.
The only problem with that is when I'm wearing the headphones I can't hear myself being paged until it's a HOLLER.
Now how the Hell did that last sentence trigger what I forgot I wanted to relate ????
Birthdays......this month has found me lacking in that area. Forgot my fave cousins on the 7th. Forgot my fave son in laws on the 10th. Today I was able to make out cards for the rest of the June birthdays I send to.
My oldest grandson Larry will be 38 the 22nd of this month. OMG! I'm OLDEN/AGE ed/ANCIENT! 
   Speak of the Devil...P.T. Andrea just called and is coming around 1:30 tomorrow Thursday.
The call that I lost from All Care just before that must have been the nurse. 
Okay...I see I have a voice message. Trouble is...I don't know how to retrieve it.  Didn't I just say I wasn't smart. Yep, I did!  Jill is the one that retrieves the messages and I have never asked her to show me how.  Guess I've been enjoying myself and saving my brain cells for more important SHIT!

Thursdasy June 16th

It's almost 8 a.m. Hubby is sleeping soundly. :0) Everytime I try to wake him to take his 6 a.m. meds he groans and says, "later."  Looks like a repeat of yesterday.  I have apple juice and his meds on his nightstand. I did my job....sorry but I can't take his meds for him.
The nurse from AllCare did leave a message. She is coming at one. Thank you Jill.

HEY!!!!!!! How about them Bruins. They won the Stanley Cup!  These so called die hard Bruins fans ( Jill and Logan ) both were asleep with their TV's going when they won.  Hubby was snoozing off and on, but was awake when they won and for a half hour after watching the news with all the hoopala. 
Midnight was upon us and it was the end of a long day for me. Him...he gets plenty of sleep during the day and night. Yep, I'm envious.
    Oh .have I mentioned that I wasn't smart/bright?  Poor Ginger. She spends most of her day and all night on our bed. Only trouble is .....now that the Lift Chair is gone ( that replaced an old recliner ) she has nothing to jump onto to get up on our bed.  sigh! 
Mama ( me ) went to PetSmart last night with Tracie and bought doggy stairs.  ;0) Only problem is...she needs a lesson/lessons on how to use them.  We may have to build a better Mouse Trap.  Noooooooooooo, a two foot high pile of dirty laundry at the foot of my bed isn't my idea...............or is it! ;0)

I just heard WB come in.  8:15 a.m. he just got off work.

I finally heard Jill say something smart yesterday. She said the ex SIL from Hell  hasn't had Logan all that much since he has been away in MS and she is going to tell him she is using him as a dependant on her income taxes next time.  One can only hope she follows through with it.  Trust me, I will remind her come January of 2012.

Tracie took me to Kohls last night also. It was after 6 when she came to pick me up.  I bought a size 14 pair of white capri's on sale knowing I wasn't going to fit my arse into them, but it was more for the incentive to get out of the 16's.
Then we went for a Chinese Buffet.  I WAS BAD!  I shit you not!
The scale will not be kind to me.  :0(   I was a few pounds less than when I left Florida.  Definately not good, but cheating never is.  Staying the same I could accept.  Gaining will be another thing. Maybe it's what I need to get back on track.  It worked the one time I gained a few pounds while going to Weight Watchers in Florida.  Why do we do this to ourselves??????????????? 
Scale reads 186. It's not the scales fault! Was that blackberry ice cream not to mention the amount of food on my plate last night worth it? The watermellon I ate for dessert, should have been MY DESSERT.
Have the handfulls of cheetos on the counter been worth it?
Now I'm getting My Just Desserts! Right back to where I was at my last weigh in before I left Florida.

Just got a refill on my coffee and as I neared the kitchen counter I heard WB say, " I don't feel very welcome Jill."
Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, DUH!
Hey, I say hi and bye. He must mean......HER. :0)
She and her son Gil are working a cookout Fathers Day.  My fave SIL had only one job on Fathers Day and she asked to work it.  WB wanted that day to be spent with him and his daughter Alex.  Ut Oh!
Can you feel the l o v eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ;0)
Okay...it's 8:30. Nurse coming at 1. P.T. coming around 1:30.  I need my shower. Hubby needs to be showered. Hubby needs to wake up and smell the c o f f e eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I shit you not!
He's stirring. 

That's All Folks!

D D The Rusty Years Chapter 6

It's still Tuesday morning.  June 14th.  Happy Flag Day.

This should have been posted today, but will have to be tomorrow.

Getting hubby into the bathroom and into the tub was the most difficult it's been. Sigh!
There are no words to describe the nightmare. Jill helped me get him in his transport chair and back to bed, where he is sleeping soundly . It's 9:15 a.m. 
I was soaked ...looked like a drowned rat and am pooped, but have since dried out. ;0) Make that ...almost!
Jill is going to drive him into Jamaica Plain to his V.A. urology appointment.
I've decided it's best for me to stay home, strip the bed , vacuum and all that good fun stuff.
With no interruptions I can accomplish alot and in doing so I will improve in my minds eye, the disaster my room looks like. Foolish or not ...it is driving me crazy to look at it.  Truthfully ...nothing I can do will make it look better. Too much shit in here. One thing for sure...the Lift Chair I bought him has TO GO.
He only uses it to balance himself when he gets up to stand.  It's blocking where we need to get up to the bed with his transport chair.  He hates the chair as a Lift Chair. P.T. wants to show him how to use it. Bottom line...it's in the way.  Keep searching my mind what I can put there that would be sturdy enough for him to lean on/grab on to lift himself off the bed.   I don't think his transport chair ( even in the locked position ) will stay in place.  We shall see.
All I know is that we need room to get his transport chair up that side of the bed to get him in and out of bed.
Using his Canadian crutches is no longer an option. He has NO strength in his legs NOW, where he once had limited strength. Upper body strength was good, but I'm fearing he is losing that by not being up much now. sigh!
I'm going to go finish showering myself ;0) while he continues to snooze. Ten a.m. is the magic hour to wake him to get him to his appointment on time and it's now 9:38.

June 15th Wednesday

Ten minutes of one they were back. Had most of what NEEDED to be done DONE , cosmetic stuff can wait and wait.
Moved that damn lift chair inch by inch, wiggle by wiggle to another place in our room.
Washed, changed bedding , vacuumed, re-arranged and SPRAYED ROOM FRESHNER.
The Foley has been REMOVED. He could VOID on his own.  Instructions were : If he retains urine again take him back to the E.R.
From the time he got on the bed and I fed him lunch, he slept and slept only occasionally waking to urinate in his urinal container.
He wanted to eat supper at the table.  Baked chicken with no salt, coated with cornflake crumbs after being dipped in beaten egg ( NO SALT ) , fresh cooked carrots and mashed potato. 
He made a fuss about the chicken being tasteless and left most on his plate. Ate the potato and carrots and wanted back in bed.  Again he slept only to get up to void in his urinal and at 10:30 I gave him his last meds of the day and kissed him goodnight before I climbed into bed.
    One something he is standing by his side of the bed using his urinal. I got up to see if I could help and it was I that caused him to get urine on his pj bottom by taking the urinal away too fast/early. NOT!
Fresh pj bottoms and we are back in bed and once again I had no trouble falling back to sleep.
   Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh then morning comes.  After using his urinal he decides he wants to go into the bathroom to shit.  Pointed out to him that he has that porta potty. 
Got him his STICKS as he calls them after being cursed out for not keeping them where he can get them and was cursed out all the way to the bathroom as I follwed behind him. "Get the Fuck away from me", he is yelling.  Once he was in the bathroom he slammed the door on me. 
Here is where I played smart ass.  Walked away saying " fine, break a hip' and retreated to my computer chair where my coffee sat getting cold.
I hear the toilet flush and all the way back to bed he was cursing me and kept saying " what the fuck are you trying to do to me, kill me?"  I reminded him that he told me to leave him the fuck alone and that is what I was doing,  I questioned him further by what he meant by that. He could never give me an answer that made sense , refused his morning meds and pain pills and appears to be sleeping as I turn around in my chair to look at him.  My retort back to him after his last words on taking his meds were, " fine by me."
So that's where I am at now.   sigh!  On the bright side; he made it into the bathroom and back into bed on his own.  It's amazing what the body can do when the adrenaline is flowing...isn't it!

P.T. nor VNA have not called to say when they will be coming. sigh!  Guess us old folk are keeping them hopping. 
WB worked overtime yesterday. Came here sometime after 6 p.m. as we were eating supper.
So did Tracie. :0(  Sat at the table with us and I knew hubby was not pleased about that.
Jill told her to fix herself a plate which she did. I thought she would never leave, but she finally did.
So did WB and he didn't look happy on his way past me to the front door.
Asked her what that was about. He wanted her to go to the Moose for the Meat Drawing and she told him what part of not drinking during the week didn't he understand and that she was going to bed to watch tv as she was beat.
He works his regular twenty four hour shift today. Was back here at 7 a.m. Shift starts at 8 and the firestation he works at is in our town.
His cable was shut off the other day. No problem says he to her. He will have enough money to get it put back on this weekend. What a way to live. sigh!  Re-install fee after re-install fee.  Overdrawn check fee after overdrawn check fee. 
   I just startled hubby by letting the pup out into the back yard. Looks like he is half awake now.
Yesterday he came out of a sound sleep and yelled out, " what happened to Patrick's arm " with panic in his tone.  I sounded as confused as he did when I said back to him, "huh."
He repeated it and then said," maybe I imagined it " and fell back to sleep.
Patrick is our nephew Drew's partner. 

9a.m. He is fully awake and is full of piss and vinegar.  Noooooooooooooo , make that bitchiness.
Has tried to tell me that I stopped him from going shit. Explained that I did not stop him, I just wanted him to use the porta potty so he doesn't fall and break a hip.  "I got in there, didn't I", he sarcastically said.
Yep,I must admit.... this time sweetheart, this time..  I reminded him he still had not taken his pills. He finally took them, but not without some guff.  Fix my fucking covers was one of his commands. I covered him up.It's freezing in here was just ONE of his complaints.
Wanted me to turn the heat on.  Ohhhhhhhhhhh how I wanted to remind him of when my dad was freezing in the middle of June that he refused to turn the heat on and told him to put a sweater on. It was a cold June, such as this one has been the last four days or so.  Held my tongue.
Now he is sitting drinking his coffee. It's a wonder he isn't complaining that it's bitter, because I made it at 6a.m. 
It's 62 degrees.  It is cold.  After I give him his second cup of coffee, I am showering and being prepared for
anyone showing up here to work with him.  Like I told him, once his leg strength is back to where it was...I'll be just as happy as him.  I shit you not!
You know what? That bedrail that he refused to put on the bed over a year ago and let it sit in the box here in our bedroom has been used and used over and over by him. Even to using it to pull himself up to a sitting position. :0)  I won't rub it in.  He'd say it was his idea
Quick,quick,quick he just said. I flew to his side. Needed me to get his urinal and get it under his penis.
More orders, more complaints about the way I do things.His pecker hurts ( his wording, not mine ) had me check and see if I can see soreness............none.  I went back to sit.  Wrong move. He wanted a Depend  to wear. Wondered where that thing the urologist put on him went......( that explains the Poise type looking pad that i found on the floor) and wondered where the Hell that came from. ;0)  Jill had no idea yesterday too.
Good news, he didn't like it. Wants his diaper ( his word ).  The coffee was cold...small wonder.
Got him a hot cup and that's where I am now. He is sipping his coffee and nibbling on his shortbread cookies. and QUIET.     I must be in Heaven! ;0)  I shit you not!

That's All Folks!
  I'm not that lucky!  Was reviewing before I posted. Command Center wanted his second cup of coffee and I JUMPED ON IT less I get more guff. 
Did I forget to mention that before he fell asleep for the night he was talking nice to me. Happens so seldom, you will have to excuse me!
That old adage, " you get more with honey than you do with vinegar" has been wasted on him.  I shit you not!

D D The Rusty Years Chapter 5

Hubby is in a pissy mood today. 
P.T. person came and one of his first complaints was that all he hears is a person to do P.T. with him is coming and they never come and do physical therapy. . Before she left his story changed to I don't know why they keep sending someone to do P.T. with me because I am in too much pain to do P.T. and they need to wait until I'm better.
She tried to tell him that the longer he doesn't use his muscles he will lose the use of them.
He was nasty as hell to me in front of her.  So what else is new!
After she left he said he didn't want anyone coming here. All they want is the money and they are probably billing for days they don't even come here he was yelling. Money making racket,blah,blah,blah.
   When the RN came he was still UGLY. She asked if that was a change. I told her, " unfortunately no."
Showed me how to ( if the need arises ) flush the Foley. She flushed it and there was no blockage.
I emptied the bag and there was only 400cc's of urine in it. This since 6:30 a.m. Vitals were good.
He has been awake almost the entire day. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I think I liked him better when he slept most of the day yesterday.   I shit you not!
Michelle the nurse did say this was a trying and exhausting time for everyone involved.  U betcha sweet bippie it is! 
Presently he is acting like he could live another hundred years. 
Now it's 3 p.m. and I'm waiting for the cable repair man to come and put new wiring through the basement from my computer to the street. The time I was given was between 2 and 5. 
I could use a nap, unfortunately the entry to the basement where the wiring needs to be replaced is in hubby's walk-in closet. sigh! Jill has lifted the trap door off and went down and put a light on.  We're READY!

  Same day...different hour.
Cable guy came and left around 5:30.  Installed a new router.  He went down and looked at the wiring and said everything looked fine. Here's hoping I don't lose the internet as often as I have been.  Here's also hoping whatever happened to it the last time doesn't happen again. Fingers crossed or I make another call. sigh!
Asked hubby what he wanted for supper and he got downright nasty. I had offered to make him bacon and eggs and as an afterthought I said " I don't know if we have any bacon." That set him off.  Why do you offer me things if you don't have them and on and on.  I heard Jill yelling from the backyard where she was mowing and weed whacking that we had bacon.  Then he says, I want home fries too and I gave him a look. " That too much for you to make me home fries " he says in a sarcastic way.  Followed by more sarcasm and ridicule.
As I left the room I muttered " that's why people get pillows put over their faces." 
Made the bacon, eggs and home fries and watched him eat them. Watched him take his 6 p.m. meds less he forget and kissed him goodbye and drove to Walmart to make exchanges and purchases. 
It was there at the exchange counter I almost blew my top. I was informed that I have made 3 returns without a receipt and consequently the two items I had no receipt for could not be exchanged.
WHAT??????????????????????????????????????????
Further more you can only make three exchanges a year without a receipt.  HUH! You have to be shitting me!
When the Hell did this policy get enacted ????????????????????????????
Needless to say... I was irate.  I shit you not!
My BP must have been through the roof.    In the end they made THIS ONE exception, but all the while I shopped I was feeling LOW in spirit .  What should have been a pleasant experience turned into something ugly.
Left there at 8 and from there I went to Good Tymes to eat.  Ordered a salad and a small order of chicken,brocolli and ziti.  Hold the garlic bread,please.  This was not a good decision. Not if I am serious about losing more weight. Did leave about a cup of ziti on my plate. I'm a big deal, huh!
It was goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo d.
  Called Jill to let her know where I was  before I ordered so she wouldn't worry and assured her I could drive home in the dark. I know the road very well.  Damn, I had little round lighted rings in front of my eyes everytime I looked at a white light. Headlights,streetlights.  This is something new......or have I just forgot it where I haven't been driving at night.  Who knows.......................................
So that brings me to now.  Hubby is watching the hockey game in our room and Jill and the WB are watching it in the parlor. 
Jill told me that Tracie came about an hour after I left and told her to tell me she was going to kick my ass for driving in the dark.   Gotta catch me first. :0)
It's ten thirty. Managed to get my pj bottoms on and that's as far as I got before I sat in front of the computer.  Needed to vent.  I shit you not!
Nite,nite.

Close to one a.m. I  was awoken by hubby complaining that the catheter was hurting him and that things ( leg strap ) was falling down.  Got up and checked. Found nothing out of place and after assuring him over and over nothing was out of place I shut the overhead light and climbed back in bed. Fell right back to sleep. :0)
Five forty five the craziness began. Moaning,groaning,complaining. He was holding the Depend pullup away from his skin, so I told him I'd cut it off like I did yesterday.  What a look in his eyes I got as I went to cut it off. Get away from me he's yelling, What are you doing. Explained myself and still I couldn't get through to him and the look in his eyes as he looked at me was downright scarey.  I shit you not !
As I walked away from him to go make his coffee, I said " only too gladly" in response to his last "get away from me."
Next it was the coffee. Told him he needed to either push himself up to drink it and take his pills or sit on the side of the bed. "Why"    Which followed another explanation from me.  " Just leave them here " was his ORDER.  I did.  Went and poured myself a cup and when I came into our room he had scooched himself up to a sitting position.   Atta boy.............................you can do it!
Now it's 6:30 and he is asking if I gave him his pills.  Told him they are there on his nightstand.....
U HOO, I gave them to him in a med cup at 6 a.m.   No biggie. 6     6:30 whatever.........................
Emptied 800 cc's of urine at 6.  That makes his output in 24 hours 1700 cc's. 
Good...Bad...or Indifferent ?????  
I'll let the urologist know today. 
So..............that's where I am now. Listening to him moan and groan
Ut oh, now I'm asked " am I supposed to take a shower this morning ma". This will be fun. I shit you not!
Then he promptly stood up using the bed as his support, asked for his towel wrap and I stood there while he laborously wrapped it around him, figgeted with stuff on his nightstand, made mention that he was going to use his porta potty , sat back down on the bed, layed down, turned the tv on and asked for oatmeal.  WTF!
Oatmeal served. Next out of him , " after I eat I am going to go brush my teeth."
My reply to him' if you go in the bathroom to brush your teeth you are getting your shower at the same time."
Why...he asks. " because I am not chancing you breaking a hip by getting up twice."
Now..................I will try to drink my second cup of coffee while it's hot.
I'm sure an argument will ensue.  Yep...he has started. He is standing up and is claiming he wants to brush his teeth when I asked what he was doing. Firmly I said.... I am trying to drink a hot cup of coffee and once you are in there you will have your shower.  ......... Told him to sit, stand ....build his strength up while I drink my coffee. It's 7:20 a.m. Still morning. Maybe my next cup will be hot while I drink it..

That's All Folks!

D D The Rusty Years Chapter 4

By today's standards, yesterday was a Walk In The Park as that saying goes.
Hubby slept and slept and slept, which caused me concern.
Helping him into the bathroom and to shower were the most difficult parts of the day. His ability to to get  into the bathroom, into the tub and out was never great, but as of yesterday it got worst.
Jill had to run for his transport chair to get him back to the bedroom and in bed. He was collapsing.
Most of the day I had to wake him to feed him or give him his meds.
One would think that I would have been happy about him sleeping......it just isn't NORMAL.
He has been complaining about his" pecker " ( his word ) hurting him and today when he said he was shitting the bed and yelled out in pain as I tried to get him on his portable toilet I noticed redness on the inside of both of his legs in the scrotum area. Nothing was in the pot and as soon as I began wiping him that stimulation continued and continued to encourage a BM.  Never thought he'd get done defacating or I'd get done wiping him clean. sigh!
Getting him back on the bed brought more crying out in pain from the catheter.
He has had his coffee and cookies and a banana. Looks more alert today.
As Jill said this morning....we need to get him to that urology appointment tomorrow no matter how badly he feels or how little strength he has to help us transfer him from the bed to his transport chair to the car and back into his chair for his appointment. I couldn't agree with her more. I shit you not!
Today looks like it will be an up and down day for me.  He just asked me to clean his glasses Then I got instructions how to do it and what not to do. Don't spray the cleaner near his skin. It could burn his skin, blah,blah,blah. I wasn't standing over him, I was to his side.  sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Take my coffee cup, take my banana peel, take my spoon. If he twisted his body a little he could set them on his nightstand. Okay, so maybe that causes him pain. I'll concede that. When I have to move his legs he hollers out in pain.  Could not get the Depend pulled up on him, nor the hospital diaper I tried before that.
Have a pad under him. Good enough!!!!!!! 
Visiting nurse will be here between 1 and 3.  PT person ? She hasn't called yet.
Currently in my state of mind I can't figure out what she will be able to do with him.

Some light hearted stuff. One mallard duck is in the pool and Cash is investigating the yard even though he sees the duck. I took a few pics from the doorway. In trying to view the best pics I took I got the message Memory Card Needs Formatting and when I click OK I get the message all my pics will be deleted.
I swear.....I can't win for loosing.  I shit you not!
Frustrations............Frustrations!!!!!
Can't deal with it now !
   I'm thinking that I should grab a shower now. What I do between the time I walk away from the computer is anyones guess.

It's now 10 a.m. and I'm showered and dressed. :0)
P.T. person coming between 11 and 12.
Hubby has been sleeping the past half hour. :0) 

Last night after Jill and Gilby got back from catering a cookout I was able to go to the Outback. My original plan was for hubby and I to go and he was not up to it, so my next plan was for Logan and I to go once his mom came home.  Then Tracie came after 5 and wanted to to go.  At 6:30 when I stepped out the door with Logan she was across the street making room in her car for the two of us.  Moocho trips into her p[arents house with her treasures as such and once again I had at least 6 bottles and cans and dozens of pieces of paper under my feet. Crunch, crunch.   She worried it would be too dark for me to see to drive home after we ate, ( it wasn't. ) She means well............BUT!
I told Logan it will be HIM and I another time to go out to eat.  The Outback staff was wonderful and Lydia ( our fave waitperson ) was concerned about hubby and asked if she can call here Tuesday evening to see how hubby's urology appointment went.
   Jill was sore and tired and stayed in last night. Was in bed before ten. :0)
WB came here this morning . Asked her why she didn't call him yesterday and she told him she had nothing to say.  I missed you, I hope you missed me he says to her.  Told her he'd be back later. She told him she might not be home.  Sheeeeeeeeeesh!  GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's almost time for the P.T. person to show. It's 10:56 a.m.

That's All Folks!

D D The Rusty Years Chapter 3

Saturday ,June 12th

Chapter 3 was rather lenghtly by 2 p.m.  Thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn something happened.
Foolish me wrote notes on everything that transpired from the time hubby woke and THEN accidently posted it somehow,( I know not how ).  sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
When I went to put it back as a draft I couldn't remember how to do what I have done before and finally gave up and deleted it. I was too mentally tired to give a shit by then.  Won't say I wasn't mad at myself though cause I was. I shit you not!
So Dear Diary ................I saved you some pages.  It hurt like Hell loose what I wrote though. ;0(
I have been agitated beyond agitated and then.... THAT HAPPENED ! 
Just having to keep repeating myself agiitates me to no end and is exhausting, let alone some sane things and the insane things that are tiring on body and mind.
I have no energy and LESS patience!  Heard " You fuckin bitch...just put me in a rest home" from hubby when I tried to make my words to him known. Yeah my tone did rise as I kept repeating myself. If I drop it, he continues to question me as to what I just said to him.  Can't win.
  He wouldn't last long in there and I wouldn't want it done to me.
There may come a time....but for now that option isn't on the table for me.
   Cold and raining off and on all day. Bathrobe and footsy weather.
By 2 p.m. when my post went POOF I had not showered and neither had I helped hubby shower. UT OH!
I won't tell...if you won't.
The family that smells together, stays together. ;0) 
   Jill came home somewhere around 9 last night. Told me she had 3 drinks. Did not look or sound drunk.
I know, I know. I'm fooling myself thinking she can just drink sociably on the weekends.  It's called HOPE or is that DENIAL????
She is the one that offered to tell me how many drinks she had. I didn't question her.
I'm taking her being able to walk out of a bar with three drinks in her as a blessing over what the situation has been. 
   More unseasonably cold weather and rain is forecast for tomorrow.
I BackSlid on my eating healthy today. Couldn't seem to feel full. The leftover linguine and clam sauce that hubby said tasted like shit the other night....tasted like heaven to me at lunch time.  Did need salt though. :0)
Then I cooked Italian sweet sausages with onions and peppers for supper and hubby said that too tasted like salt and wouldn't eat it. I did! :0(   Gave him tapioca pudding and he had no complaint with that.
Lunchtime I put a bowl of chili Jill made in front of him.  I snuck a taste off and on while it was cooking...( like I could fool my body with the Points) and mmmmmm  mmmmm it was good! 
Hubby on the other hand told me it tasted like salt and wouldn't eat it.Managed to continue eating the saltines I gave him to eat with it though.    I handed him a peanutbutter sandwich.
From morning when he woke the only fluid he drank was his coffee and one bottle of water until 4 p.m.
When his daughter Michelle came to visit him and was informed.... she told him he needs to drink more. There were two bottles of water on his nightstand and by nine p.m.he drank those two and I put two more there.   When I mention Gatorade he gets ugly. Yet it has always been purchased for only him these many years.  ??????  Confused...me too!!!
Where he isn't/hasn't been drinking much I have taken to writing down the cc's of urine I empty from the Foley.  From 8 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. 400 cc's and from 1:30 p.m. til 7:30 p.m. 750 cc's. 
The fluid he drank made a BIG difference. :0)
   Tracie came sometime after 3 and I told Logan to tell her I was napping when she came. 
I had just laid down.   Less than an hour later Michelle came and woke me.
My eyes had been closing and my head falling sitting at the computer while hubby talked to one after the other of his two sisters.  He was getting his medical history totally wrong as he explained what was wrong with him. Thankfully I had already let them know why he landed in the hospital last Sunday and I hope he didn't confuse them.  I was too tired to care at the time.  sigh!

   It's still Saturday and after 10:30 p.m.  My eyes are burning. Cue to get myself some shut eye. Ya think?
We'll visit again tomorrow.

Sunday June 12,2011

Climbed under the covers at 11 p.m.
Hubby wpke me sometime around 1:30 a.m.  Heard him ask if I could help him. My eyes squeezed open slowly to allow the light and I saw him standing up on his side of the bed using the bed as his support.
He was complaining of the catherter causing him pain in his pecker.  I got up and checked it out. Everything looked good and he had 550cc's in there he wanted emptied, which I did.   Claimed that the urine that remains in the tubing is what is causing his pain and when he stands it drains it down into the bag. 
" Now you know why I don't want to drink" he exclaimed as I crawled back in bed. 
I told him he has to or his kidneys will fail and maybe the urologist he sees on Tuesday can expain to him why the catheter is cauisng him so much pain.  Within minutes he fell back to sleep and him getting up off the bed woke me again at 5:50 a.m. 
Same complaint and the urine in the bag is cold and it makes him cold. ????  Yeah, puzzles moi too.
Once again I emptied it ( 700cc's) nice and light urine and covered him up as he complained of being cold.
It was med time by then and he decided he did want to stay awake and have his coffee and that's where we are now at 6:34a.m.
   Jill worked until 8 p.m. She showered and left at 9 and came home minutes before I laid down to sleep.
I went out to the kitchen and we spoke for a few minutes. She looked good and sounded good. She was at the Moose.  Neither of us mentioned how much she had to drink. She showed no signs of being under the weather. :0)
   Logan's brother Ryan picked him up at the same time Jill and Gilby got home from working to spend the   night with him and Sarah after they went to the cinema. Listening to Ryan explaining to him that he lived in THE CITY and he was going to hear sirens from anbulances, firetrucks and cruisers during the night   amused me. 
Wonder what stories I will hear later when he comes home.
If we go to the Outback today he will be coming along with us. Ryan took him there once while we were away and told me they treated him like royalty. :0)  They know him from coming with us and know what he likes.  The Outback we go to out does itself from the  food to the hospitality. :0)
Looking at the rain coming down I have my druthers that we will be leaving the house.
No problem....I have plenty of salt ......or tasteless food in the house. ;0)

I had two pictures on the post I lost yesterday. Those I can retrieve. :0)

The profusion of blooms around the pond after all the rain we got before I came home amongst the profusion of clover and weeds. Snapped this yesterday.

Guess what's been coming to swim in my pool!

They have been here a few times during this past week.

7:15 a.m.

Hubby is watching cartoons.....................I'm afraid to ask why, but I will.

What he said didn't make sense, nor could I understand it.  I think he just didn't bother to change the channel after the other program he watched ended.

WHATEVER !!!!! I'm not asking him to repeat himself and I could care less what is on the tv screen.

As soon as I finish my second cup of coffee, it's in the shower for me. It's 7:30 a.m. straight up.

That's All Folks!