What the Hell is wrong with me!

Dear Diary,

Spent the night at my house alone and after 3 hours of sleep, I'm wide awake. What's with that!
At Ed's, I have no trouble sleeping. In fact, I sleep too well.
Maybe it's because of what I see and hear when I am home. What I don't see....doesn't.
Jill had a doctor appointment late afternoon today. With no traumas or the like, her BP was almost 200. Her doctor put her on two more meds. I'll get the names of them later when it's a decent time to wake up.
THIS WAS NOT the time to let her know some of the things on my mind. Like...why the Hell am I still paying for her son Gil's cigarettes. Why the Hell am I tossing ( her word) the mentally challenged young man ( around age 50)  in the neighborhood a pack of smokes or eats for things he does to help her out. SHE has an able bodied son living here and he is a KEPT young man! I shit you not!
Some days I think to myself...this house of cards can't fall down soon enough. It's coming......I can feel it. Will I be caring for a stroke victim? Will I be attending a funeral? Maybe it's my death that will end this DRAMA for once and all.
I have always liked Robbie. Just haven't seen him as much as I am now. I liked Tracie too, but THAT GOT OLD! I shit you not! There must be some kind of vibes going out that THIS HOUSE is an easy mark.  I will say this....Robbie ( he has always lived with his parents) walks the streets looking for someone that needs help with their house repairs, yardwork and such to earn a few dollars , while Tracie after sleeping until after 2 or 3 p.m., drives the streets....directly to where she can plank her ass down, read your newspaper and invite herself to supper and then make herself comfortable in a chair to watch tv with you..
Oh and while I'm on this subject....the feral long haired honey beige Siamese cat I have made a home away from home in my shed and been feeding for around 4 years....looked like she had been groomed when I pulled into my driveway and saw her yesterday. Like WTF!  If true, THIS CAT has lived the Life Of Riley and then some. I shit you not!
The other poor cat ( black and white mix) has continuous eye infections. He/she has been around a few years now. His/her mangled and crusted ear, has finally healed. :0)

My cell phone decided to die yesterday. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Come 6 p.m. I quit procrastinating and drove the dreaded highway to a mall nine miles or so away.
Like ....what's with that??? The only place you can get a Verizon phone is in a Mall? The other Verizon store which is a little more than a mile away in a strip mall isn't where one gets their phone replaced, it just sells other things as told to us on the phone. :0( grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
After I maneuvered the highway and got to the Mall, I had to find a place to park as close as I could to the area where Verizon is....and still I walked and walked :0(, but I HAD A MISSION. I need a phone NOW, where I am leaving this Saturday for Alaska. I purchased their Newest Cheapist. Just like I have always owned....ahhhhhhhhhhh  but this cheapist phone now includes blue tooth and a camera. I am coming up in this world! I shit you not!
I must like "the flack" I get, as I can't just keep my fingers SHUT and will remind myself and you others that I pay the bill and Jill and grandson Logan have the nicer phones, BUT in my defense, I don't know how to use the other features, nor do I care to learn. I'm saving the few brain cells that I have left for other things.  Yeah, I know...I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack.
Drove home safely in the dark....which is something I try to never, ever do. ( I know my limits. )
Mission accomplished twice over!

Already...I've been up two hours. Can you believe it! I can't! It's 3:30 a.m.
Hope Ed doesn't want a " sex marathon " tonight. ;0) Just funnin ya! Or am I??? My DIL Kim gave me 50 Shades of Gray to read months before hubby passed away. Fifty pages into it, I said....self, this isn't the time to read this and put it down. Since that time, I've read a hundred or so more pages ( this done off and on, mostly off.) Ed spotted it and asked if he could read what I was reading. Welllllll, Go Figure..... he finished it in a week and is asking if I will get the next two books from my DIL
This man....is full of surprises! I shit you not!
He tries so hard to please and does in many,many ways ( in and out of bed.) . I knew going into this relationship that he has E.D. Other than that, at age 81, he is in great health. :0)  Why is it that I withdraw emotionally when he makes noises when I don't hear him when he talks to me while I'm reading or on the computer and he thinks (his words) what he is saying is just not as important to me?
I'm so use to a man swearing at me and giving me emotional shit that I mustn't know how to appreciate the kind of man Ed is. What's wrong with me!  He is always building me up and doing many,many acts of love and kindness. I need to accept the fact that I deserve this kind of treatment instead of thinking that I am not as good as Ed says I am. He has me up on a pedestal and I'm not comfortable being there. I know...I'm sick in the head in more ways than one.
As I have told him, I don't do it purposely and have no idea I'm doing it when I do it....sooooooooooooooooo it will happen again. It has....and it will again.  I refuse to monitor my brain to not let myself get so engrossed in what I am doing, that I keep an ear open at all times. It's my escape, it's been my way and ....and ...The End!  He apologizes....I wish he wouldn't. He is entitled to his thoughts....just keep them to himself!!!  Bottom line...having the upper hand is not all good. Just call me "brain dead." I find trouble when there is none.
In any male/female relationship....you can't compare. Mike was my soul mate, but Ed has his place in my heart too. It's....just different....and strange feeling...and NEW. :0) . 


You have to be shitting me! The phone just rang... A recording from our police department was alerting all us in town that a 65 year old 5' 1" Asian woman that doesn't speak English went for her daily walk ( doesn't drive) and never returned home and to be on the lookout for her. At 3:45 a.m.?????

Did I say...I love my new phone ;0)  Don't know how good of a picture it takes, but I'll sure be using that feature and OFTEN! :0)

My coffee got cold. Now how did that happen? I monly made it at 2:30 a.m. and it's only 4;06 a.m. now. ;0)
Out to the Keurig I go....thanks again Pea. (((hugs)))

Damn, I'm starting it all over again.
Yesterday morning after I got home, my nice neighbor Jane next door brought over a blueberry coffee cake she made in payment for the garden tomatoes and cukes we give her. This happens every year. A Win-Win situation. :0)  So after I sliced into it and ate it, I spotted the fresh grape tomatoes that Jill had picked and kept popping those in my mouth til noon ( great breakfast ;0)  ) and then for lunch it was more blueberry coffee cake and many more grape tomatos up until I got home after 8p.m. from verizon and ate the Individual Sheppards Pie that Jill had made and was hot and waiting for me. :0)
So what did I do while I was waiting those few seconds for my coffee to fill my cup, BUT pop more grape tomatos in my mouth....and now...now it's time to slice into that blueberry coffeee cake again.
Yum,yum,yum!
On a sad note, her husband has another tumor and this one is growing in his neck which will effect his ability to swallow if left untreated. Ten radiation treatments for this new tumor.....God Bless Art, he has been through so much with these cancers. My heart goes out to Jane. She is in the role that I was in just a little over a year ago. This shit shouldn't happen to Good People and these two are "The Best!"

Generally, I'm not a breakfast kind of person, BUT as this blueberry coffee cake slides down my throat....you wouldn't know it! ;0)
Ed like to eat within a half hour of waking around 5 or 6 a.m.  and yes...reluctantly, I join him. Could do things alot worse. ;0)
I'd say, I have him beat this morning.

Checked my credit card bill as I have charged a new pool cover to the tune of almost a K ( did I say that beagles are not my favorite breed of dog....cause Cash chews and has cost me much money to replace other things too :0( ....grrrrrrrrrrrr ),  and THEN the flight to AK and now my cheapie phone that I just had to have a case for ( never had to) after everyone was down for the night . NOTICED 4 charges for video game type entertainment to the tune of $10 each. Looks like dear old grandson Gil is at it again. Last charge was the 30th of August. (After the break-in at daughter Michelle's business.) Two months or so ago, I had to change my credit card number as he had got hold of it and was charging these same things. Soooooooooooo, I printed a copy of these charges and highlighted these four  NEW$10 charges and left it out on the kitchen table. My fear is.... am I going to be the one to cause my daughter Jill to have a stroke.
Is there a better time to present this info to her...I wonder.
Of course....he will deny it is him. Did the last time too. How in the Hell does he get my credit card number??? I keep my wallet on me (in a pocket) except for bedtime when I am home ( which isn't often). Have been in the habit of shutting and locking my bedroom door at night too.  What a sneaky bastard he is!!!
It's been explained to me that this online game stuff isn't tangible. It's sent via the Internet to enhance, play, use...whatever!

It's now 5:15 a.m. Boy....am I looking forward to bedtime tonight.
 Get your mind out of the gutter. ;0)


Let's see if I can get this right. They are upping the Coreg to 2xs a day. Adding Trazadine  or is it Tramadine to take between or alternate with the Ambien. She takes Clonodin , another B/P meds...and already I've forgot what she told me and won't ask again today as to not make her suspect my reason for asking. I'm sure the spelling as well as what I wrote for drugs is off....if I know me.



P.S. RUN, don't walk your fingers over at Rants From the Hormonally Challenged. She is listed as one of the blogs I read . Go check her out!   Funny...I shit you not!
(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!