You should be able to write what is in your mind and heart in your Diary...shouldn't you????

letting you know that the "Rose Garden" has seen more thorns is not easy.
Ed and I have been getting along famously...until...once again he has/had an issue of another sort with me. Yeah,.... I know you should be able to talk things over as he says, but I take things to heart ESPECIALLY after I hear the same thing over and over again for an hour...I get pissed off!!!
Which....found me packing my shit up Sunday after he brought it up again....even though I didn't want to.


At some point this morning, one or the other of us OR BOTH, realized we wanted to be together, more than we did apart and BOTH of us will be working on ourselves.
Now I have a bunch of shit to unpack and put back into drawers.
I shouldn't have gone that far, but damnit, I will again, if need be!
You can ask me not to interrupt you as I am sometimes guilty of , but don't harp on it. Message received the first five minutes or less and I probably will do it again (not purposely) and a quick reminder will do.
P.S. It doesn't mean that I find what you are talking about or YOU uninteresting !!! Don't take it so personally. You may have been brought up to let the person talking finish what he/she is saying before you open your mouth and more or less...so was I, but if we pass something in our travels in the car and I say."look at that", ....yeah,yeah...okay so you are watching the road and are observant of your surroundings...., stop harping/lecturing. I GET IT!
No promises...I'll work on it, but I am human and will probably do it again.... and again.....and  if it aggrevates you , choose what is more important to you..the floor... or me.
I love you, BUT I no longer am willing to put up with what I call B/S!
Today we went to visit his mothers only living relative in a resthome/.assisted living in Keene,NH (his aunt Mabel in her late 80's ) ( What good health she is in! Sharp as a tack! I shit you not!
Nice large roomy room. Nice wall colors. Heated. Two nice windows. Three easy chairs and a rocker.
That's HER ROOM. Her husband needs care and he shares a room in another part of this building with another man and visits her in her room sometimes. They played cards before we came today. :0)

Saturday we went to visit my Aunt Florence in a rest home in Rochester,NH. (Over 100 mile drive from here.) She will be 93 in July. It has been more than a few years since I saw her. I've talked to her on the phone. I was so depressed after being there. Not only is she suffering from dementia, but the nursing home is in an old brick building which was most likely an old home. She does walk with a cane, :0), but her tiny room is at the top of some stairs (they do provide a chair lift for her), but what if she falls down those stairs if someone isn't around. One window, ugly old wall paper, cramped space, only a sink provided and the electronic temperature thingie (indoor/outdoor and time,etc. ) Ed has one and bought me one for my house...read...63 degrees.  I was feeling mighty chilled as I sat on her bed. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. No place for other chairs for company to sit. She does have her recliner thast she sat in. It saddened me to hear her ask every two minutes how many grands I had and how were my kids. :0(  She's even forgot that my sister Nancy passed years ago, even though she had Nancy to care for when she was recovering from Osteomilitis when she was 5 or so and it killed her when we moved to CA as she was unable to have children and Nancy was like a daughter to her. She went to Nancy's funeral. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh So sad. maybe it's a blessing in one way, because I think she would be raising the roof over where she is otherwise. She did adopt two children in her 30's and her daughter Cindy is who arranged for her to be where she is. I have called my aunt when Cindy is visiting her, but I wonder if it's been that cold in her room before. Knowing me...SHE WILL KNOW! If that's the best home Cindy can afford for care for her.... I'll have to live with that.
If it were my mother......well ...you may have heard from me in the past that I cared for my mother the last few years of her life in my home and that's where she passed away. Thankfully...I was able to.
 I did work a mile away at the time, but both Jill and my dad were there at the time and it wasn't until the last few months of her life that she needed Hospice and extra care.  I was blessed to be able to do that for both my parents and I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am. Who ever or what ever higher power out there...THANK YOU!

. We will be going to see Ron White Thursday night and knowing how Ed feels about the F word being used in mixed company, I hope he can see the comedy for what it is and enjoy his show. If not...tooooo bad. I will! I shit you not!
 I'd like that ring to always remain on my finger as a commitment to the relationship I am in with Ed. :0)  If not...... I'll live and give love another try.
Natalie...you asked about  commitment versus marriage. Good,bad or indifferent...a commitment is too easy to toss the towel in when the going gets rough. I for one know that!  I also feel that while it does feel good to know you can walk out,  working things out instead of walking out is very important. I can't see myself marrying again, but ....................... I'll never say NEVER.
Right now...I'm for Commitment!

(((hugs)))

That's All Folks!