D D Dem bones, dem bones,

dem DRY BONES.
 OMG! Another night of misery and now that the pain drove me out of bed just before six, I'm wondering JUST HOW LONG this painnnnnnnn will last.  6:35 and the upper outside of both legs is still throbbing like a toothache. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hubby woke around one a.m. to pee and his groin area ( so he said being almost asleep ) was killing him. I gave him two of his oxycodones.  MYSELF....efffff them things. I'll chose suffering over them. I shit you not!
Years back I took one of hubbys other oxycodones that had aspirin in them when my back was in some serious pain and didn't get sick. :0) NOR....did it get rid of the pain I was in. :0(
Hubby woke in pain just a few minutes ago and I told him to change his position in bed and that may have worked for him as he has dozed off again, :0)

After I posted yesterday I realized I hadn't given mention to grandson Gil's birthday.

December 7th  HAPPY 21ST GIL

I'm just a day late and a dollar short! ;0)

We had ice cream cake and sang Happy Birthday. This was THE FIRST YEAR she has not baked her kids a cake. When I asked why the ice cream cake, she told me she just doesn't have it in her to bake. I know she is still "dragging her ass" so to speak and cooking that big meal the night before must have drained all her energy. sighhhhhhhhhh 

Jill shared something with me yesterday. She and the ex SIL from Hell have been talking and while she isn't sharing everything with me.......the two of them have made a major decision. When the ex SIL from hell comes home the 22nd of December from MS during his break from law school , he has made arrangements to have young Gil committed to a 30 day rehab program. He made the decision to have his cell phone shut off during that time . ( He pays for it.) Jill will not be getting phone calls from him pleading with her to come get him and breaking her heart all day every day. She is weak in heart just as I am and knows this is what IS BEST FOR HIM! This way he can't break her resistance down. I will give that EX SIL from Hell credit here. He knows my daughter softens too easily...FROM EXPERIENCE! He himself broke her down OVER AND OVER!

I didn't give him a gift of money as I have on past birthdays. His card from us was EMPTY of the ten r twenty dollars I usually give my grands and it is my intention to pay to have that wisdom tooth extracted before it becomes infected again.

MUST tell Jill to begin making calls to oral surgeons and see if we can find one who sympathizes that he has no insurance coverage. sighhhhhhhhhh

I must be....feeling better. Popping damn pineapple flavored wafer cookies down like they are raisins. I haven't stepped on the scale since that last reading that ticked me off ( but not enough to do anything about it...appparently.)  :0(

Hubby woke ten minutes or so ago. I handed him his morning meds while his coffee perked and emptied the urinal. He's SET for a few minutes.

Butch came and left within ten minutes. Has to work his 24 hour shift at the fire station. 8a.m to 8a.m. ....which didn't give him to much time to whine. 

You all are right about " if she wanted him gone...he'd be gone." Which brings me to ....what does she fear. She has given other guys their "walking papers." Then again...she never had one that after being given his walking papers...came back REPEATEDLY.

She tells me that while he is going through his melt downs/tirades/pleading/begging....she NEVER utters a word back to him for fear of inciting him further.  She just lets him vent and repeat what he constantly says.... over and over like a broken record.  Same shit...different day.

Then he finally works himself up to where he says "I'm done! You are cruel and heartless. You will never see me again" and leaves......sometimes only to return immediately. :0( 

He does have his good points, but ................................

HE and ONE OTHER of her ex beaus ...is one that is amicable and I've always felt that he thought of us as Family and not his girlfriends parents to be tolerated. Well...he and Chris her First Love at age 15/16 that is still in our lives and will always be welcome here. He was too FREE with his hands at that age and she was wise enough to get away from him. Through the years he has been here to visit since he moved to FL and readily admits that he once had an anger problem and even now ...there are times when he has to control those urges to strike out. As a kid...he did not learn to control his urges. WE love Chris...but if the had stayed together and he abused her...it may well have been a different story. To be totally honest...I hope that once Logan is raised that the two of them can get back together. Florida is a long distance to have a romance. There is no way on God's green earth that the ex SIL from Hell would ever let Jill move to FL and take Logan with her. He has always told her that.    YET he moves to MS  for 90% of the year to attend a law school these past four years.  MEN! They ought to have "Open Season " on men  like they do on ducks!  Oh, I've said that before...haven't I. :0)

It's about CONTROL and always has been ABOUT CONTROL. I shit you not!

Which brings me to my hubby and CONTROL!

He is another controller. I stayed...I accepted that behavior.

Not long after his return from his appointments Monday which was at 1 P.M. HE STARTED ON ME.

I'm surmising when Jill got into my car she probably muttered about how close the seat was to the steering wheel and said something about Tracie driving it. Apparently ....that got him "loaded for bear."

He started yelling that Tracie will NOT be driving HIS CAR AGAIN.  It's HIS CAR!!!!!  My name is on it! If you let her drive it again, I am calling the cops on you. He went on and on like a raging lunatic! I shit you not!

Cause by this time..I'd had ENOUGH and told him she would be driving it at night as I can't see well enough to drive at night. Which only led to more furor from him.

The only fucking reason I had the car put in his name is becauseeeeeeeeeeeeeee that's the only way to avoid the sales tax of around 2K on that car. OTHERWISE, I would have bought it in my own efffin name. I shit you not!

The more he raved the more bullshit I got!

I was ready to turn on my heels and head out the door and buy another NEW CAR in MY NAME just to show him ...but I'd have been an ASS just like he was being. sighhhhh

I'd like me a Lexus, fully loaded, midnight blue in color. ;0)

I kept insisting that Tracie WOULD continue to drive it and told him that I was tired/fed up with his controlling me. Which led to him to asking what I meant by that and I threw some things out there at him. I kept saying..."keep it up." Why..what are you going to do to me, he kept repeating.  Just do it..he said. Both of us were LIVID by now. He hasn't made me cry in a longgggggggggg time. I've tried to harden myself to his hurt...BUT tears did flow.

The frustration and futility of it all ...trying to put some sense into him.

It got to the point where I was letting him know what shutting me out of our bedroom in past years did to me and he is like HOT and COLD running water. His lack of caring and compassion has hurt me and....and ...and. How did me locking you out of the bedroom hurt you, he asked. I didn't touch you.

He don't get it! sighhhhhh

At one point I left our room and composed myself and went back in and asked him if he wanted me to be married to me any more. I'll leave and go to Sonny's in FL, I told him.

Then HE TELLS ME that I TOLD HIM that I had a boyfriend. WHEN??? I'm asking. One of the times he was hospitalized he said. Yeah...like when you were hallucinating and thinking I was out spending the night with some guy and you were home???? WTF!

I told him that the guy must be a cheap SOB cause he hasn't bought me a thing or taken me anywhere and there is no way in Hell I am ever marrying again.  ( Nothing is in concept ) Remember telling him that I wanted to miss him when he passed away and not be glad he's gone. sighhhhhh

Eventually he's telling me how he appreciates what I do for him and he DOES say thank you and he wishes he would be able to take care of me if I was to fall into bad health. I'd take care of you if I could. I'm boo hooing through, "I know you would." Just let me alone for now...let me be. Eventually I went over to him and we hugged and kissed . No more has been said....and Tracie and I went out for awhile that very night. I didn't tell her any of what went on. Those that were here in the house at the time heard IT ALL and Butchie put the idea of a Lexus in my mind. :0)

Soooooo.... you are buying yourself another new car. Why not a Lexus, he teased.

I replied , you're damned tootin if I have to. I'll show his happy ass.

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssss!  I knew he'd change his tune when I said, I'D LEAVE if he wanted me to. Yeah....I'm a PITA ! I knew I had him over the barrel . I shit you not!

I did tell hubby when he asked why I am now so ( I forget the word he used, but it was correct )wasn't bitchy....maybe it was or something on that idea and before , I WASN'T. My reply was cause NOW I CAN! I  decided I'd get it out in the air and was truthful.    I have not forgot all the mean things you have said to me. Like what??? I'll tell you one." PACK MY FUCKING BAGS!" Everytime you got a hair across your ass, that is what you said to me. NOW...you can't walk out and away and you can't threaten me with that anymore.

WORDS HURT!

What about the nights you stopped ast the bar down the street and I'd have supper ready? I'd wait and wait. Told him how i would walk there ( we only had one car ) and would peek in the door and see him dancing with someone. I DID WALK THERE...never got brave enough to look in. ONLY ONE TIME...he said.  Do't give me that "ONE TIME", I saw you. He changed it to two times. 

 :0) GOTCHA!   Told him what was done is the PAST!

My mind is like they say an elephants is. I don't forget, I CAN FORGIVE!

We have both been kinder in words and actions since. Can it last? I pray so.

When I lie down beside him during the day I get close to him and we hold hands. Little things....MEAN ALOT!

It's now 10:30 and hubby got himself into the shower. That's the way he wants it....be damned of what nursing, P.T. and I say and that's how IT WILL BE!

We both lie when they ask if someone has been helping him.:0( He refuses my help.sighhhhh

Jill called what is supposed to be ... a generously discounted oral surgeon. $125 for xrays and $75 for consultation . Both are today at 2 something. Then depending if one, two, three teeth need pulling at another date...no figure was given. Oh.... plus he has to decide if he wants it done awake...or to be under anesthesia. OH BOY!

Happy Birthday Gil !

His dad had told Jill to just mail him his ambulance bill from the time he over dosed and he would pay it. DIDN'T HAPPEN! Now she needs to get her happy ass up to the town hall and plead poor mouth and the town will absolve that ambulance bill.

I'm not JUMPING FOR JOY YETabout him saying he was going to put him in rehab.

SEEING IS BELIEVING! I shit you not!

I seriously need to get some work done around here today.

Was going to wait to use that new coffee maker at Christmas Pea, BUT after tasting the taste of BITTER COFFEE ( the more bitter it gets as it sits in the morning ) I pulled the new one out of the box and have begun to read up on it . :0) I'm sure I'll be very happy with that decision.

No Randy YET TODAY. :0) or :0(

He did not have enough primer to finish the one coat of primer yesterday. INSISTS on doing two coats. He's a PITA! One coat of primer and two coats of paint are all it needs. He has to overdo everything ...thinking MORE IS BETTER!

Hubby emerged from taking his shower saying he felt weak as he made his way to our bedroom with the walker. DAMN heat from the steam in there would make anyone weak. I'm going to enjoy having that vented fan in there...IF it ever gets installed.  I BOUGHT IT.  FIRST THE BEDROOM!

Which will give us an EMPTY livingroom, void of bedroom and livingroom furniture.

IF EVER a hardwood floor gets put down in there...I'll shop for a couch, etc.

It's noon. My laptop battery died again. Found some ambition to figure out how to get to my blog in this MAC. That's enough of my brain cells used up for today. ;0) Tomorrow i'll forget just what I did to get here. sighhhhhhh

Thinking of pulling a ma and pa nap off before Logan gets home from school. HUBBY is asleep already. Showering wore him out. Don't know what I'M TIRED FROM....snacking and typing??? 

OH SHIT! Son Randy is here! 

That's All Folks!