D D I'm Drowning!

Both in mind and body, I'm working on overload.   

   Hubby sometimes FORGETS what he can and can't do or what he has done.
Trying to strike a chord in his memory gets tiring and is taxing.  This morning he said he was all tangled up and was feeling everywhere to try to figure out what was keeping him from rising to stand to use his potty.
Absolutely nothing was near him or wrapped around him.. "Then why can't I get up" he says to me.  sigh! It took some time with me standing there to get him to CONNECT.
Now he is sitting up and drinking his coffee and eating Lorna Doone cookies. Just asked me who's pictures these are of. WHAT PICTURES?????????  So I ask nicely, what are you looking at. He replied , I can't figure it out. 
A nice lady came to shower him. She was told he could ASSIST. NOT!!!!!!!!!! So she gave him a bed bath.  :0)  Why can't she do this ( meaning me ) he says to her.  I piped up and said I need a break. 
He needed to urinate during this bath and the urinal was appropriately place. Couldn't go.......tick,tick....did not go after a good 5 minutes.  sigh
Last night was the first night that he didn't wake needing to go pee. I'm FULLY aware that  is NOT GOOD. He went before we turned in for the NIGHT around 9:30 and at 7 I had to wake him so he would be wide eyed and bushy tailed for his bed bath.
It just got more bizarre. He wanted to know about the pictures he was seeing. Dog ( Ginger ) on the bed. Told him she WAS on the bed. His eyes have got BAD! I shit you not!
It's time I got my shower and ready to leave here at eleven with him.  I'll be back.

II am beat in mind and spirit. His primary care doctor lowered his pain med to ONE 4x/s a day.
WTF!  He had 2 pain meds at 8a.m. , it was 11:30 and his pain level was 10 from a scale of one to ten .
This arse thinks his confusion is DELIRIUM and the pain med may be causing it. Last visit was ??? and he told me he thought it was his old brain bleeds that have got him to the point he is now. 
What do you want me to do he kept asking and I kept saying , keep him comfortable. Wasted my time and breath. I shit you not!
I'm getting so close to tossing in the towel.  I shit you not!
PLUS I ordered the oxycodone over a week ago to be mailed to the house. Days later I called and asked if they had been sent.  After the party checked it out ......NO. I don't know why Dr. didn't sign off on it. I'll put the order in again. Today I asked the pharmacist in there if it had been mailed. After a search in his computer system, that would ne a resounding NO. WTF! I agreed to wait until Dr.T.  was through seeing the patient he was in with so that the pharmacist could page him and he could fill it.  Forty five minutes of waiting with hubby out in the car with the W.B. and Jill WAITING and him in pain.  Give me a break!
I told the pharmacist that for years hubby suffered in pain as I read the sign on the wall in the doctors office, NOBODY should have to suffer in pain.  For years hubby fought against going on pain meds and SUFFERED. Now that he has asked for pain med he is being made to suffer. 
I don't get it! I shit you not!
    Four p.m. the pomeranian Lady had a groomer appointment.  Where was Jill and the W.B.?
FUCK, if I know. I asked Logan to listen for Papa and ran with the dog.
Randy and a neighbor after working for hours managed to get the old slide on up on his old pickup that he gave to SIL Joe. Randy borrowed it.  They worked their ass off doing it. I haven't asked yet how much it cost to dump it. Dump charges 4 and a half cents a pound and I just handed him a $100 bill and told him to bring me the change back. He's out front now filling in all the deep tire ruts he had to dig to get that rig up on the back of the truck.   I may hand him money from time to time for the work he does, BUT I don't think many people would do what he has done...mostly by himself.
The Prima Dona has been cared for for more years than I care to admit and ......AND.....AND...I don't get no where as much help from her.  She asked me for $50 today until she gets her check later today was what she said. I asked her what the hell she had done with her other paychecks up til yesterdays. 
Ohhhhhhh I hand Gilby money.  I said THAT MUCH incredously.I think he needs to join the service I blurted out.  She and I are not done yet! I shit you not! It's efffin ridiculous to have spent her paychecks already when she has nothing to show for it and I pay her bills.  Yep, I'm sick!!!  Every dog has their day though and my being shit on has it's limits.  When i ask about child support and if she is getting any money.....wellll I got a check 2 ,3weeks ago. Never says for how much. I know sometimes it's $50 instead of $150. Have heard " their trying" in the past. Along with "I know they are not rich." PULEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE.  Like I give a shit.  I AM???????????
They have money for their PRIORITIES and child support isn't one of them, BUT receiving child support from her ex for one child IS. She takes her ex into court when he gets behind. He had a motorcycle accident and couldn't work for awhile so he got behind. She showed NO MERCY!
Different strokes for different folks. 

While I need to vent, I also need to just sit with my eyes closed and try to unwind.  You may not see me every day. It's for a good cause.  CAUSE I'm Fucking WIPED OUT!  Him not getting enough pain med isn't going to be pretty. He is peeing less and less often. Which of course is easier on my body getting him on and off that potty and last night I was the only one waking to use the potty during the night.  Good for me, not for him.  Cheryl and grand daughter Shayla came around 9:30 today to enjoy the yard until it was time for Shay's 2:30 doctor appointment here in my town.  Which of course adds to my edginess.  Then I had to think about leaving them alone here , so I told Cher I was locking the house when I left at eleven.  You know how embarrassing that is to tell you own kid you are locking her out. sigh.
THEN I remembered Logan was here in bed sleeping. Went and told her I forgot Logan was here. Mom, I hope you were not locking the house because you thought I would take something. I wouldn't take so much as an asprin from you she said.   WHAT TO SAY...what the efff did I say back to her.... can't remember.

This morning I went to set my full coffee cup on the counter and misjudged. Hit the end of the counter and coffee flew everywhere which found crying noises but no tears coming from me. 

I got a call from the attorney to come and sign my Will tomorrow.  MY son in FL is like a Philadelphia Lawyer overloading my brain with " what ifs' and other info he thinks is pertinant. I get tired just listening to him or reading his emails. I know he is only thinking of my well being. sigh.
I had told him that hubby's son Michael owed us 35K still for the land we sold him in NH ( where we planned to build one day.) Paid us 15K on the promised date and welllllllllllll SHIT HAPPENS!
IF he pays us before we pass away....all fine and well.  IF NOT , I don't care. So Sonny says, get that put in the Will so the others know my/our intentions and there will be less shit thrown at Michael about him not paying us back.  I called yesterday...and did.   Even before I knew we would get any money, I felt this way and I surprise myself. I would get so aggrevated with Michael as a teenager I would think to myself....he's going to be cut from the Will if I live longer than his dad.  Asking him to do anything was like talking to a WALL. 
Another one...Make a copy of who I hires insurnace. Call their insurance company to see if it's in effect.Copy their license. There was MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Randy just came in asking to speak to me out of hubby's hearing.
"I don't even want to come here anymore." he said. Told him that I didn't want to be here either. sigh
Jill just goes off and does nothing he says.    My reply was when I die and she tells you all the help she was to me...tell her BULL SHIT!  He's ruined his sneakers....he's exhausted from the hard work and when he goes home he has his own work to do.   I HEAR YA!!!!   The shed he worked so hard on is chock a block full of more shit. The second book case I want to bring in when I get the area cleared, a microwave cart I just took out of our bedroom that held what it could of hubby's STUFF, the top of the parlor computer table that we have no where to put up as I have a mirror on my wall there.  Jill will have to do something with it. Nephew stored it as long as he could in his garage and the AXE falls on him 9/3 to be out of his house.
Today was an exceptionally bad day for Randy trying his heart out to get rid of the slide on camper. Glenn across the street worked with him some....both were laboring their hearts out.  While..........Jill and the W.B. LEFT for who knows where, but I can safely assume a bar was part of their destination. You know...just ONE.

   The LOST has returned.  I got paid back. It's time to go get my dog Lady and bring Ginger to get her nails cut.  hmmmmmmmm Jill grabbed her up and asked for the check to pay the groomer.
There are things...that have to be done. Phone call after phone call cuts into my time.
The attorney in Boston that might try to get a settlemet for hubby and be done with the W.C. people called. i couldn't get to the phone. He left a message for me to call him.   Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow. 
 One foot in front of the other.
I also have to think about feeding hubby supper.
It's 6:45. Tracie just came. 


That's All Folks!