D D Can this really be

Day 1 ??????

Let me try to remember what went down yesterday.
My afternoon was an afternoon of company. Daughter Cheryl, her hubby Dana and their two youngest Shayla and Trevor came around one thirty, followed by daughter Michelle a half hour later.
Jill was up on the trailer clearing off the roof when Cheryl came. By then she had been clearing snow for 4 and a half hours and came in at two. 
Hugged Michelle, but not Cheryl. :0(  Never spoke to her. Then went to shower.
Cheryl was talking over everyone. sigh!  .....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand more than anyone.
Michelle was trying to tell us what was going on in her life. Daughter Theresa has been complaining of severe pain under her left rib. Long story short...her doctor had her go into Boston for testing. Nodule in her right lung was found. Nothing structual found on the left side where her pain is. Michelle is having flashbacks to when her mother fell and broke her ribs on one side and it was at that time a spot was discovered in the opposite lung. Biopsy on her mom revealed it was positive for cancer.
Theresa's doctor decided that they will follow this nodule in the coming months and her next appointment is March 8th.
I feel Michelle is keeping something from us about her own health. :0(
She's been through Hell and back caring for her mom and balancing two households and then with her mother dying a year ago Oct. 2009 , her step father that she thought of as a second dad betraying her mom by cheating on her while she lay dying and being cold hearted towards her; her husband Joe having both knees shattered by Elks members at a board meeting  just two weeks later and her caring for him at home for months; their black Lab of thirteen years dying as she held him on the floor three minutes after the midnight of her birthday November 1st and hubby performing CPR on Nestle as they both mourned his loss.
There was more. Heard from Jill that she is on some heavy dose of a depression drug as she was not getting out of bed and dressed for days and FINALLY sought help.  sigh!
Know she doesn't want to worry us.  Asked me to promise to call her if her dad took ill while we are away.
   The W.B. showed up maybe around three. Jill had her coat on and I asked where they were off to.
He wants to go eat at the Jade ,she said.  
By this hour he had been out plowing for the town all night until eleven a.m. and then went to do his own private plowing jobs....so yes I guess he would be hungry........... AND TIRED.
Off they went. :0(
After Michelle let us know about Theresa , Cheryl got up and hugged her, told her she would pray for her and cried her eyes out about how removed she has felt from our family and how  much she missed being a part of our family and how Jill and Ryan has hurt her for not inviting her to his wedding 9/21/09. Heard Michelle tell her to give it time.
Dana was standing beside me and I told him how Jill had no decision making in her son's wedding. I've told him this before and her too.
We had even offered to pay for her and Dana's meal and Ryan was adamant the it was their wedding and only people that had been in their lives and created happy memories with them were going to his wedding.
I will always feel he and Sarah were wrong to do this to his mothers siblings. There were three others besides Cheryl that were not invited, but as MEN they didn't voice a complaint.
Nothing Jill and I said would budge Ryan and he finally got angry at us. We dropped it!
Michlle left after five . Was starting to get a headache and wanted to grab a nap.
Jill had offered and poured Michelle a glass of her wine before she left. Later on  Michelle went for a refill and Cheryl said she would like a glass....followed by " who's wine is it?" When we told her Jill's she told us to forget it. She wasn't touching her wine and getting her more pissed at her.  We urged her to have some and she again refused. sigh!

Four hours after Jill and the W.B. left....they returned . She brought home Logan's favorite dinner ( at this time ) Peking Noodles and Crab Ragoon. She did call and ask if we wanted Chinese food to eat.
We declined. Hubby wanted cereal and I chose to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and cold spaghetti.
Can't believe I turned down Chinese.  :0(  I wanted it... I really did.  My choice was good too, BUT!
Yes, we own a microwave.....I like leftover spaghetti cold or hot. ;0)
   Within minutes I hear W.B. saying he was starved and wanted to eat. She is telling him that he has leftover ? Diablo in the fridge and to take it home and heat it up.  He's insisting he wants to go out and eat.
It is here that I piped up and asked if they didn't leave here to go eat earlier.
   Later in the evening Jill was wanting to talk ...........they left here with that intention, but then he remembered his sister was waiting to be plowed out so they went to her town ( not a long distance ) and he plowed her out.
By then it was too late for him to get the Special he wanted to eat before 3 p.m.
So he tells her Tom had called him and wants them to meet up with him at the Moose. We'll just have one drink and go eat he tells her.
They go there. No Tom. Let's have one anyway he says.
Then Tom called him and asked where they had been. He had left to go pick up his wife at work. Stay and we will be there. Meantime he had told Jill he had around $60 on him to go out to eat.
One drink led to another....she reminds him of what he has in his wallet.  Just one  more he says.
Meantime...he is playing Keno.  Now he is down to $21 and he asks her if she has money. She told him just enough to get Logan's food. Wasn't going to tell him the correct amount she had in her purse.
Gets him to leave the Moose and they head to Ming's for food. Now he doesn't want Chinese food. Hs had it three times this week. Sick of it.  He is buzzed and is insisting they drop Logan's food off and go somewhere else to eat.
She is telling him just to drop her off with Logan's food and go eat by himself.
He goes in for Logan's food and insists on paying for it. Comes out and she tries to hand him $13 ... Don't want your efffin money he yells.
They come in the door and she sets out Logan's food for him and I hear W.B. saying lets go eat now and her refusing. She opened the fridge and grabbed his ? Diablo and puts it in a bag and as she heads to the front door with him she looks back at me and said she would be back in a few seconds.
She asked him to leave....he asked for his $13 efffin dollars back so he could go eat and she handed it to him.
Meantime, I stood where I was................she opened the door , came in and quickly pushed him away so she could shut it on him. Of course he's protesting, but he sees me there and turns around. She shuts and locks the door.
It is at this time that she wants to talk , so I stood inside her bedroom and listened.

Sunday night she did break it off with him, but not for the reason I thought.
I have to lay the groundwork here for what happened later. Alex his daughter had begun from the minute they left here saying that she wanted to sleep with him and give him a massage.
Daddy I want to sleep with you and give you a massage.  He kept putting her off by saying we will see.
He drops her off for a couple of hours at his aunts house here in town.
They are drinking in the Moose ( both get  buzzed ) ( by the way he always states to me that he don't drink and drive with his daughter ...which is B/S ) and he begins telling people ( others people he knows that are huddled up to the bar ) how he will soon be having his laundry done for him for the first time in his life.
Jill looks at him and calls him out on what he was saying. When your parents leave you can do my laundry he says.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo she tells him.
WHAT??? You mean you won't do my laundy....
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, things will be just as when my parents were home.
Sputter, sputter, #@@#!&*#@
You mean.... I can't sleep there when they are gone.
Noooooooooooooooooo, it will be no different than when they were home.
As his list went on and she kept telling him it wasn't going to happen ...he got more and more pissed.
Son Randy showed up and she decides to get a ride home with him  while he goes to get Alex and take her to his house for the night and get her own car in case she wants to leave for any reason.  They both were more than buzzed when they left the Moose she admitted. :0(
W.B. had asked her to come stay at his place earlier.
Gets to his house and Alex and him are asleep in his bed. He wakes and carries Alex to her room.
DADDY, daddy, daddy...I want to sleep with you.
So he gets up and goes and lies down in her bed with her.
Jill is waiting and waiting... no tv, no nothing ( do to non payment of bills ) to pass the time... asks herself what the efff she is doing sitting there. Finally he comes back.
Daddy,daddy,daddy.. he goes back to her room.
Time passes and passes. Jill gets up and sees him on the couch sleeping. He wakes.
It was sometime around here that she used a poor choice of words and asked him what was up with his daughter always wanting to STROKE him. Immediately he got pissed at her and said he couldn't believe she said that to him. She apologized for her poor choice of a word. . He's sputtering and telling her to get out.
She handed him his mother's ruby ring and his house keys and left saying don't come around me or call.
Well D D we know he did from my last few entries. sigh!
While Michelle was here out of our earshot Jill had asked her how her med was working and told W.B. he needed the same type of med. Raspberry noises he makes is making with his lips and he is denying he has a problem. Michelle tells him she has seen things he cries over. No I don't he insisted. Jill tells me that just the other night he is laying beside her watching TV and says, I miss Alex.  I know you do she said back to him. You will see her in a few days she told him. The tears start rolling down his face and he begins sobbing.
Mom this is not normal she tells me.... ya I know. Like tell me about it...sigh!
She told him he needed some kind of councilling  when it happened and told him  it happens too often.
He needs to see someone for his issues and he denies he has any problems or issues.
As she turned and put her hand up to stop him from entering last night he was wanting to come in and tell us the horrid thing she said to him about Alex stroking him and she told him he didn't have to ..that she would tell us and that we wouldn't want to hear it from him in his condition. CORRECTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Mom, I want to be alone. I don't want a man in my life. I just want it to be me and my son Logan ALONE.
I am so low down in my soul. I have been cutting back on my drinking.... even he has asked me why I am not drinking as much.
I'm tired of being the only  person my siblings  looked to for help. I can't be that person any more. I can't be that person to everyone anymore. I can't help myself.
I'm drained. I'm ...............................
So much more she said, but of course my mind wasn't retaining every word.  I was glad to just to hear her open up to me..
I can't help him any more... it's too much for me. I tried..... He needs help that I can't give him.
Why do I think there is something wrong when a father and daughter sleep together and when my son wants to sleep with me I think nothing of , she asks of me.
I reminded her of how Alex just 2 1/2 years ago slept in her bed with him the night of July 4th because he passed out and how she had given Alex a shirt to sleep in and she began repeating, my vagina hurts daddy and she removed her underpants and the shirt and slept between you two all night.
Alex was four or five that summer night.  The W.B. denies that Alex has ever slept in Jill's bed with them.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh trust me... THEY DID!

It is now 10:50 and I had more to say, BUT Cheryl called at first spoke nicely and said she was sorry she talked so much when she now realizes that Michelle needed to talk so much more about what was going on in her life. Thanked me for the money I handed to her and used it towards her groceries on the way home. Suddenly she began to rave and rant about Jill and everything out of her mouth was bitter and nasty.
I again told her when she mentioned Ryans wedding and how Jill  could have paid for her plate that we tried that.  Again I told her Ryans words to us and his anger.  She blurts out, I hope he fuckin dies then. I protested...I don't care mom, that's how I feel.   I would never have let one of my kids leave one of my sisters or brothers out of their wedding she screamed.
I told her the things she was saying were not nice and how badly she made me feel only to be told how hurt she is and she can't keep it to herself and she is sorry, but how else is someone supposed to know how hurt and eaten up by this she is. She told me she has written a letter to Jill and will mail it when I am gone to Florida.  If Jill and Ryan don't apologize to her...they are DONE. There are other things she spoke of in this letter she says that Jill has hurt her deliberately on and she knows it.
I finally told her to do what she wants to with her replying what does she have to lose as Jill hates her already. I feel she only had me as a bridesmaid at her wedding because you made her. I told her THAT didn't happen. Then she goes on about how she had Jill twice as her maid of honor, wishes she had none of her blood in her and on and on.
I told her maybe Jill thought the same was as she does. That I MADE her (Cheryl) ask her to be her maid of honor. Oh common mom..I worshipped Jill ,she says back to me. She knew it too.
Things just got uglier and uglier after I told her I should never have allowed any of my kids to talk about another sibling to me.
It was then that the TV screen froze and hubby wants to know from me what is going on with the TV. Tell her to wait a minute and try to reach behind the TV to unplug it so as to reset it.
Low and behold...who walks in my room, BUT W.B. asking if he can help me.  All the while I can hear Cheryl still ranting. TV remains still frozen after it was plugged back in. Hubby is hollering why I had W.B. unplug it and I'm trying to explain how I have been told by Comcast to do that in the past. Hubby insists he can't remember that time and my voice starts to rise explaining what a bitch of a job it is for me to get into that small area with my arm and it's not a FUN THING TO DO.  Why would I do that to myself if it didn't need to be done my rising voice asks of him.Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Of course now he is yelling..."why are you yelling at me?'
What a FUCKING ZOO !
I was exasperated and pissed and asked him what I harmed by having it unplugged a second.
All the while Cheryl is going on and on in my ear. Finally ended with saying she will come to Mike's wake if he dies just to come in and out to pay her respects and when I die she will  have NO FAMILY.
She doesn't know what she has done wrong that nobody in her family  wants nothing to do with her.
Tells me that Dana left his glasses on the table here and if I find them to just throw his bifocals in the trash as she is not coming back here to get them. Looked on my table...no glasses. maybe he dropped them in our car she said  and said goodbye. sigh!
Immediately I call Comcast.  Recording comes on.  Power outage in my neighborhood. Men are working to repair it. No need to talk to a person. We will get it fixed ASAP.
Before all this SHIT went down I was typing away and every time hubby needed my help I gladly rose to the occasion. Needed a folding chair placed in his closet behind him so he could sit to get into his safe.
I place one there. Needed my flashlight as his was dull. Up I got.
Mine was almost as dull and I replaced the batteries in both of them. No problem. 
I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Jill had more to say last night. I began saying what I have read in Mary's blog and some others. "People can only do to you." She finished it for me..."What you allow them to."
Soooooooooooooo she has heard it herself.
   BRB Hubby wants oatmeal.
Nuked myself spaghetti while I was at it for my lunch.
Aggrevated my right arm while I was trying to unplug the ComcastTV thingie.  Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pain. Pain.
W.B. and Jill are back. :0( sigh!  She knows what she wants...she knows what she needs to do..........................
   Seen some bills ($$$$ those kind) tucked into hubbies waist band.  Was a good time to ask how much he wanted to give to Sonny and Deb a week as I feel guilty just letting them pay for everything while we are there.  How much do you think..he asked. Told him we would discuss it later. Him taking money out of that home safe in his closet.......... is something.  I shit you not!
   Jill is looking for Charlie. He didn't come to be fed this morning. She went out to the back shed and he's not in that shed bedded down either. :0( 

The house is quiet again. In less than two hours Logan will be home from school and I need a nap BIG TIME!
Woke at 3:30 a.m.  had a hard time falling back to sleep. Woke again at 5:30 and heard Jill up, so I got up and made some tea for myself so as to not have the our morning coffee be too strong and have a burnt taste to it when hubby woke. 
Today was Wear You Best School Day and Logan wore his nice dress shirt and dress pants.
Yesterday was Crazy Hair Day, but there was no school. 
The sixth,seventh and eight grade goes to this Middle School and I don't know what Shit For Brains in the Education Department carried this over from grade school to Middle School, but most seventh and eigth graders ridicule the sixth graders on these days.
So far Logan hasn't heard those hurtful words. I can assume this because he was phyched about Crazy Hair Day and was going to wear his Halloween mullet wig yesterday.
So this was Logan this morning after he dressed for school and the After snow cleanup pictures.


That's All Folks!

Oops....5:30 a.m. and spot light lit. Logan is in a not so well lit livingroom and Holy Shit..............Randy just came in the door and he's asking above a speaking voice who's been playing with the extension cord outlet on the fish tank... CRAP!
He had it behind the tank and either Logan or W.B. moved it out. I played DUMB!

   FORGOT that I FORGOT to take daylight pictures of the front and back yards.
Now I have less than an hour to lie down. sigh!
Not one thing done today towards housework or packing. sigh!