D D Happy Halloween a day early

Friday Oct 29th into the 30th

Soooooooooooooooooo

Logan left at six. No Jill. No Butchie.

They come in through her door right before 8 p.m. and I could hear the lay of the land.

She was cursing him and telling him to leave her the efff alone.

At times her voice would rise more octaves.

Big man...I had to pay for our first date. You had no money.

I'm thinking that she should have ran the other way then. I shit you not!

You spent my last dollar tonight and smoked my last cigarette she is yelling at him.

I'm sitting at my computer and hoping he just leaves.

Next thing I know, they are both outside.

Then she is in...............her door is open and her light is on.

I peek in. No Jill. Go to the front door and her car is gone.

She is back shortly....alone!

Her stomach is killing her..... has been for hours and was getting worst.

She plugs in the heating pad and is drinking water.

I decided to try and talk.

I told her I thought it was her liver from the booze and aspirin.

Long story short or possibly because I can't remember all that was said.

We hugged and held each other, telling each other we loved each other, she was sorry that I have had to witness her fall . Told me she would never have called me with her troubles and I told her I knew that as she never did in the past when she had her own place.

I am of that same mold. Never would let family know what I was going through.

I told her that sometimes we just have to learn lifes lessons the hard way.

She made no excuses. Knew she drank too much today and other days. Knows she is not perfect.

They had gone to the Anchor in Beverly to eat....on her money.

She told him on the way home she was tired from being up the night before in pain and she was in pain then.

Just wanted to get home and go to bed.

Get into town and he wants to stop at the Moose for ONE.

He would take her cigarettes and give them to people they were not even close to.

She asked him what he was doing. "They asked me for a cigarette" was his response.

She told him they were not even his cigarettes to be giving away.

Another long story short that my brain can't remember all the details of, but he got pissed and told her he was leaving. Left her there with no money and no cigarettes.

Someone must have driven him here to get his truck and he pulled up just as she pulled into the driveway.

Then she goes on to tell me either his gas or electric has been shut off or both are soon to be, his daughter's birthday is in a few days and he promised her a big flat screen tv, he needs to buy more books needing to be read so he can take that Captains Exam. There were a few more bills needing paid of which I have forgot.

I stood there in her room with my mouth hung open.

I asked her if she loved him. No... I just feel sorry for him.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

So he has left. Gone home or back to the Moose.

She said he'll be back in the morning asking her if she has any cigarettes like he did this morning and saying "thank God" when she hands him one.

She just wants him to leave her alone. Moi who doesn't take her own advise told her to tell him she is through playing games and to leave. 

Going to go down the end of the house and see if her light is out by looking at the crack under her door.

No light and it's quiet in her room. 10:37p.m.

Calling it a night myself. Had no nap today.

I pray she doesn't need to go to the Emergency Room tonight.

Saturday October 30th

Was fully awake by 7:30 a.m.

Lady had been let out to pee at 6:30 and put back in her kennel. She began wanting out of her kennel almost immediately and finally her whimpering woke hubby who in turn woke moi.

 Heard Jill or Butch in the bathroom at 5:30.

YEP!.... that's right. Looked out the front door glass after I poured out tea and coffee and his truck is parked in it's usual spot. sigh!

Is this April Fools Day... It's no  joke!

Haven't told hubby yet. He will know soon enough.

 Didn't tell him any of whine buckets newest financial messes.

Heard stirring in her room as I went for refills on our tea and coffee.

This would have been our Michelle's mothers 69th birthday.

She passed just days before her 68th.

My mind retains stuff it does not have to.

Just as I wrote this I recalled  hearing from Michelle how in her mothers last weeks of life her mothers ex Kevin would come to her home and sit upstairs at her bedside talking to her.

She thought her mother still loved him and he her .

Though I know she had 3 children with him ......he was also the person that molested Michelle when she was 13, 14ish and when she confided in Jill and Jill told me, I made a phone call to her.

Back then she and Kevin were heavy drinkers ....that's what he used as an excuse for his actions then.

I told her what I had heard and she screamed " you are a fucking liar" into the phone.

Michelle begged not to have her siblings hear their father was molesting her and came to live with us.

Pretty sure I have talked about this before., but not him being at her death bed.

I'd ask how his ex could still be close to him, but then I'd be questioning my own phyche.

Maybe it was forgiveness time.....questions answered.....amends.

I sit here puzzled as to why hubby did not contact the authorities back then.

Did he promise Michelle he wouldn't.?????

Never asked him any of these questions .

Thinking back on it I'm thinking we all behaved rather strangely.

Hubby and Kevin grew up together in this neighborhood.

He and Kevin even came to fisticuffs as teenagers. Hubby never liked him.

Did we just want to get Michelle past this trauma with less ( I'll use the word ) trauma ( for lack of a better word).

She herself has continued to remain on a friendly bases with Kevin so as not to arouse her siblings curiosity.

Her nieces and nephews on her mothers side are his grandchildren.

Where was hubbys rage ......he had every right to be filled with anger and hate and I saw none of it.

Very puzzling..... my mind draws blanks.

Was I so into what I was going through in my own life at that time that I pushed all this to the back of my mind..........

We were are a strange bunch!  For sure!!!

Neither hubby or myself would make eye contact with Kevin at Peggy's funeral.

The few times I accidently looked up to see him looking at me, I glared at him.

Heard he stopped drinking years back....that's nice. 

His oldest grand child is a girl...She might be 10 years old now.

Like I don't have enough of my own worries, my mind has to go there. sigh!

Michael also has a daughter that is 11.

He has never had much contact with Kevin since he and his mother divorced.

He lived with us back then and isn't into family gatherings on his mothers side like Michelle is.

For that matter we seldom see him either. He is busy with his own family, home, yard and work.

Cookouts here he sometimes attends with his family, Thanksgiving  and once in awhile he calls to see if we will be home and comes to visit.

He built on the land hubby bought when he was married to his mother and it's a good 30 miles away I'd guestimate.  In a woodsy, quiet area with the sound of the rushing  Falls a road away.

Where we planned on building and retiring to before hubby's health shit the bed.

Now all I hear is " when are we going to FL.....buy me a ticket and send me alone, I'm cold, I want to go to Florida."

When George our insurance agent was here Tuesday he asked him if we are still going to FL and when we'd be leaving. heard hubby tell him that I didn't want to go, so that must mean he isn't going.

Hell....I'd love to send him for those 3 months of cold weather. I shit you not!

Actually he complains of being cold 6 months out of the year at the very  least.

With his shit poor circulation he is cold....

Six months would be good too. Who do I want to hate me???????? Who do I hate ????????

No one!

He knows by him saying that to me....it aggrevates me.

I feel myself stiffen up just thinking about it. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

 Next time....I am going to ask him which relative that lives in FL he wants to live with us for months on end.

Maybe that will shut him up!

Here it is going on 10 a.m. The whine bucket still hasn't been discovered by hubby.

Hell, he should be use to it by now anyway.

Daughter Cheryl called me. We talked a good half hour without her complaining or in hysterics. :0)

Was telling me that my brother Ron told her that I lost her in Disneyland in CA. years ago before he died.

That's B/S.  I have never been there with my brother and hubby #2 and I took the kids there for the first time just before we moved to TX . We only lived a few miles away...money was the problem back then.

I did not lose her there or anywhere.

Even if she can recall the feeling of being lost now and back when he told her. sigh!!!!!

Ahha! Finally she is getting some of this stuff back from her kids. Her Danny has told her things he remembers and are not true she told me.. :0) :0) :0)

She has always done this to moi.

Recently she tried to locate an old friend and neighbor of ours when we first moved to Lowell from Beverly,MA

Mary Jo was always nice to her and always told her she wished she had a daughter like her. She had 4 sons.

Wants to thank her and tell her how appreciative she was of her kindness to her.

While we were chatting I looked in the White Pages and told her Mary Jo is still alive and living in Lowell.

Her sons are in other states.

She had made a few calls and assured the people she wasn't a prankster when they told her she had the wrong Hayes. 

Their last name was spelled Hays, not Hayes.

Then she tells me she remembers that I told her Mary Jo's sister died from poisoning in lipstick. That's why I told her never to put any on.

Shaking my head as I type that. Cheryl was 6 when we lived across the street from Mary Jo.

Told her no sister of MaryJo's died back then. Her comment...." maybe you just told me that to scare me into not wearing lipstick and it worked."

I give.... said yeah, maybe I did.

I know she grew became a rebellious teenager, but at age 6/7,  I was not worrying about her wearing lipstick.  I shit you not!

Maybe 20 years back I went to visit MaryJo. She was divorced and she had a young guy living with her.

She was a COUGAR and I didn't even know that term back then. :0)

Her 4 sons were 18 to 24 and this guy could have been her son. He looked that young.

Wonder how that worked out.........hmmmm...maybe it was good while it lasted. 

She was going to college .  Way to gooooooooooooooooo!!!

Lastly Cheryl began talking about how wonderful a person her nana was...my mother.

Always happy, never showing one grandchild more attention than the other, never saying a bad word about anyone, all the friends she made and kept.

All true,true,true.

I could ramble on and on today. Think I already have.

Hear Jill making them breakfast.  Sure glad our money gets spent on groceries and not in bars so they can eat at home when they are broke. 

Am I being vesicious???? 

I'm just angry at myself. I shit you not!

That's All Folks!

Hubby just heard Butch's voice. Asked me, "is he here now?' 

Answered him, "has been."