Start a post and begin to ramble and not make sense even to myself. All my emotions come to the forefront and I get overwhelmed, so I give up.
To me... there seems no way out for my daughter Jill to be on her own and she continues to DRINK and behave badly. I won't go into specifics as it drags my mood even further down.
How she expects her drug addicted son to find his way back as he watches her alcohol addiction drag her lower and lower is beyond me.
We have both tried to talk to her and she either tries to put us on the defensive orrrrrrrr, tells him that if he promises her he will never touch another drug (including pot) that she will never take another drink. Over and over she repeats this when she is drunk and over and over her son Gil tells her that when he was in rehab he was told to NEVER make that promise because when you FALL you Fall even harder. Now I know nothing about this, but I can tell you what I did see and hear the other night when I and Ed was awoken at 1 a.m. to some serious banging on her bedroom door. She had locked herself out ( I found out later) and some guy( she claims she has known him for a year) kicked her door in for her because the dogs were locked in there and it was THEN or Later. One would think that she could have woken us and told us of the situation before he broke the door in.
Her son Gil bared his heart and soul to her, pled like I have never witnessed for her to stop drinking.
No sleep for Ed and I the rest of the night.
She got drunk the next night and came home at 10. From 10 to 1 Gil and I tried to get through to her.
At one point I told her that what she was doing to me was called "elderly abuse" and that if I had to, I would go to court and have her put out. An idle threat...on my part as I could not do that to her. She has no money, no job, no skills to support herself in another household and still has the broken arm.
I blame myself for letting this go on so long. Thirteen years............................shame on me!!!
Last night daughter Cheryl called me and told me she took $200 out of the checking account without telling her husband and blew it on scratch tickets hoping to w i n big money again.
This daughters husband is the one that won 4 million on a scratch ticket maybe ten years ago and a con man beat him out of that yearly check of 135k maybe 4 years into receiving that yearly check. Daughter and son in law were not happy to get a yearly check for 20 years and wanted a lump sum.
NOW they have NOTHING and can barely make it from week to week. I've helped where I could through the years before they won that money and since they lost it, but THIS behavior on her part is beyond me. True he handles all the money and she never has any spending money of her own, but what the hell did her actions help???
She didn't ask...and I didn't offer ....YET.
Reading this post over, I can see I'm all over the place, so I'll take my leave.
I'm in a good place with Ed. Just wish I could say the same about the rest of my life, so that I could fully enjoy what I have. My heart is soooooooooo heavy. One day, I hope to be able to relate all good to you, but I can't see that in my reach. Guess that is what is called "LIFE"! We all have our crosses to bear....some more than others. Things could be worse, much worse.
(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!
I AM WOMAN! Hear me ROAR! February 2012
WARNING !! Not for those with a short attention span. ; 0 )
Don't be blaming yourself over Jill. She is a grown woman, and she has choices. No one twisted her arm and poured the drinks down her throat. She can 'choose' to change her life around if she wants, but by remaining that 'hopeless drunk' she insures that she will continue to be taken care of. Tough love, my friend.
ReplyDeleteMary
Jill has to hit her own rock bottom before she'll stop. Making deals with her son is just a way to avoid sobering up because she can blame someone else. I'm sure you know that by giving her a place to live, food, money, etc., you're allowing her to continue her behavior. Take care of yourself-it's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteIt's really easy to sit here behind my computer and decide how other people should handle their problems. :)
ReplyDeleteBut not so easy for the people living the story.
My cousin has a child who's been in trouble with meth and other drugs for a long time, and is finally at the end of her chances.
She came home, asked for help, my cousin let her in again and she stole from them and was right back on the drugs.
Alcohol is a drug, and addiction is a horrible thing. It's easy to become addicted and next to impossible to break the grip drugs can have on a person.
This isn't your fault. You can't fix Jill. Jill has to decide to get help and do it. That may never happen.
As for enabling? I think we all do it with people in our lives in varying degrees. And that most of the time our intentions are good, our actions come from the heart, and that when we do try to help it's about who WE are... not about the person we're trying to help.
I hope that there is peace headed your way. You've had a lot going on for a very long time.
Yup. What Ami said... and (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeletei hope you soon find some peace
ReplyDeleteOh Pat it just goes on and on doesn't it? You have Ed now though thank goodness so some happiness and love in your life. I feel so bad for Jill she must be in a lot of emotional pain. And don't be hard on yourself, you did the best you could with what you had and she is your child. Sending big hugs across the miles to you m/f.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what Ami said. I would only add that you really are enabling. I enabled my mother all my life and stopped when I was 63 and she was 88.
ReplyDelete