What wonderful friends I have :0)

Every one of you said the Right Thing. Thank you , every single one of you  FOR BEING YOU! I shit you not!
Today ( being the day after ), I think Ed and I have a better understanding of what's needed if this relationship is to continue. COMMUNICATION! ASAP COMMUNICATION. Do Not let minutes pass. SILENCE is NOT GOLDEN! I shit you not!
Going to bed pissed off, miffed, feeling rejected, dejected, unrequited, hurt, and all those other adjectives isn't for making a strong BOND.
I withdraw and give less Cement and short change the both of us. I'm a Witch! I admit it.
While I realize that no one is perfect and no two people think the same, I still have my expectations of what I can live with and live without. Story book crap...or not.
THIS doesn't sound good, but I know that Ed needs me more in his life than I do him. He has never had it "this good" ( his words ) and he's delighted that "old Willy" isn't completely broke. ME TOO! ;0)  It's wonderful to feel loved and cherished ( me talking now ), I shit you not!
I looked at  him with my eyebrows drawn yesterday and asked him if his wife was ever too tired for sex. "Oh yeah, and me too", he says. Guess I need to say, "I'm tired" when he gets amourous. I'm afraid that now that he has found "old Willy" isn't completely broke, that passing up a chance to use it, is a bummer and he has admitted as much. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the Honeymoon Stage. It has it's plusses and minuses. I shit you not!
My late husband and I lived as married ( for the kids ears )for ten years before we made it legal so to speak.  I knew what I HAD TO DEAL WITH as did he and if in ten years Ed and I are still together....maybe ....maybe,maybe.
Not saying never, but I'm not a "Starry Eyed Girl " any longer and haven't been in a long, long time.
I see no benefit to marriage ( sadly or not ). Yes, he's said he wants to marry me, which makes me feel guilty that I don't want that and say, no. Not that GUILTY though.
He met and married his wife in four short months and no, she wasn't pregnant like people thought. He was twenty and she was twenty two. Their first, came sixteen months later.
He holds women in high esteem. His late mother imparted alot about how to treat a woman into him as a young man. Unfortunately for him, the few girlfriends he had and put up on a pedestal ...moved on to another guy and he is still wondering...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? I cared for her so much and I treated her with respect, he says.   Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll... that may have been the problem. Speaking for myself, I wanted more than holding hands and a goodnight peck  to know a guy cared about me... a passionate kiss would be more like it and...a feel. I was one of those things people called "a bad girl." Well Hell, I think you knew that about me. ;0) Seven kids by the time I was twenty three. Oldest will be 60 in October of next year and I'll be 76. If you haven't done the math already...wellllllllllllll.
It has been uncomfortable at times to have to show him what turns a woman on....but it's
 been worth it. :0)  He wants to please and is not embarrassed to let you know that he is now going into sites ( like Cosmopolitan ) that has articles on how to please your mate. Most men...think they know it all and are close minded.  He knows the mechanics of many, many things and can get long winded in his explanations to me, but damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....sex isn't one of them. He's a "quick learner" THOUGH. :0)

In my anger in the middle of the night ( I didn't sleep a wink )after he dropped me off at my house....I signed up and paid for another 3 months of a seniors dating service. The same one I found Ed on.
I act in haste ....not my best attribute. Redeeming grace was that for some reason my credit card wanted confirmation by phone that I signed up for this $39 and some odd cent contract and I didn't return their call. Jill called me to ask if I used my credit card during the night and I told her I did. The message was on the house phone from Master Card services.
Meeting a man in a bar is not my cup of tea at my age and ....yes I'll admit it...I am one of those women that likes a man in her life. Yeah, yeah, I can do things for myself....but a damned sex toy will NEVER REPLACE the real McCoy. I shit you not!

(((hugs)))

 

 

P.S. Take NOW for example. Ed comes in from pushing a snowblower for an hour and a half ( he does the widows across the street too )(7 inches overnight) and says, "I feel so exhillerated right now. My blood is racing through me and I have the love of a beautiful woman who shows me so much love that I am near tears and could cry. "
Folks...most men would not show their vunerability ...as he does. None of my men ...did. Ed shows it often. Good,bad or indifferent, that part of me is...holding back.

That's All Folk!  Daffy is signing out. ;0)