Suspect there will be many more.
No shower.
Daughter Cheryl and hubby and family returned for the cookout that the rain ruined the day before.
Life goes on... while I rather hole up somewhere by myself.
Had Jill retrieve a hundred dollar bill from my purse in my car Sunday to buy a new propane tank and fill another. (Doesn't everyone keep their purse and money in their car trunk?
Whatever.....
Left my change on the set up ironing board in my bedroom and made the BIG MISTAKE of going out onto the deck to eat a hamburger last night. YEP, my change is amongst the missing. Jill and I both know it was her son Gil that took it. He was the only one inside when I went out. He was confronted and denied,denied,denied. Jill did some snooping in the neighborhood where he goes and found out he paid money he owed to someone last night. STILL he denies. I lashed out at him about him stealing his papa's pain meds and how I thought I was giving him (papa) his scheduled pain meds and I WASN'T and it kills me that he accused me of not giving him his pain meds and HE WAS RIGHT.
All that extra suffering...............................
I gave Butchie money two days before at his and Jill's suggestion that I needed a door on my bedroom that locks ......why the fuck isn't the pocket door that doesn't lock any good any more. It's what hubby and I lived with for years and it was good enough for us two. Why do I have to change things in MY HOUSE??? Where is this all going to end???
I have a regular scheduled appointment ( sheduled months ago ) with my primary today. I NEED SOME STRONG MEDS!!! I shit you not!
Tracie came and ate with us. Tracie STAYED. Just before my Cheryl left she tried to tell Tracie that sometimes I needed to be left alone. Heard her say "your mom and I are cool." sighhhhhh She thinks she is doing right. ??????????
Again... I fell asleep on her. I'm now resenting her for taking me out at night. I could have had that extra time with hubby. I know it's stupid thinking, but can't help my thoughts.
It's like God punished me for leaving him and thinking only of myself. STUPID, but that's where my thought pattern is!
Can't write here without crying.
(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!
I AM WOMAN! Hear me ROAR! February 2012
WARNING !! Not for those with a short attention span. ; 0 )
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ReplyDeletewhat you are feeling is normal, even the guilt. Please don't beat yourself up...as for your family , i don't want to say too much, and i think you know what you need to do, when you are strong enough...that also goes for Tracie.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, things will get better but it will take some time. When you get over grieving for your husband then you will be able to figure out what to do about your family situation. I agree with you though, you shouldn't have to put a lock on your bedroom door but because some people can't be trusted for now that would probably be the smart thing to do. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWe all do the best we can. That's it. You, me, the guy next door. Hindsight tells you how you fell down, but doesn't help you get back up, you do that part.
ReplyDeleteYes. Lock your door. Stop keeping any cash around. Use your debit card and keep it on you. Obviously no one else should know your PIN, change it now if they do.
Sending good thoughts.
(((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteIt's shameful that you should have to go through all this when all you need now is time to grieve and begin the healing process. And, please, don't blame yourself for anything. You did all that you could, and if you enjoyed a meal out with Tracie? There was nothing wrong with doing that. Be easy on yourself.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Mary
I hope the doctor can help you, hugs, Pearl
ReplyDeleteAll I can do right now is hold you in my heart and keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDo tell you doctor about how you are feeling. He should be able to help with suitable medication but you also have to be able to keep it absolutely safe from theft.
It just sucks.
ReplyDeletewords of wisdom to me from my daddy..
ReplyDeleteJackie Sue, people can't screw you if you don't bend over for them.'...you have to make a stand in your life and then do it..all of this would be gone if you just made the decision to stop it.