D D Yesterday was my son Randy's 54th birthday

But I didn't remember to say Happy Birthday to him beofre I left for the hospital as he was working on the shed and was gone before I got home. sigh!
Earlier this week I remembered it was coming up  and he too mentioned that he didn't even know it until he went for an appointment and the desk person said, "oh.... you have a birthday coming up." 
I did send him his card. :0)  I lay the phone down now and can't remember where I put it and get so damn frustrated with myself.  The more I search, the more anxious and upset I get. 
Have I mentioned that I tried to change the tv station with the telephone??????  I did. :0(  I shit you not!
Kept pressing 5 and the damned TV station remained the same. WTF I'm thinking. Then I looked down in my hands and saw 55555555 repeated and recognized it was my phone in my hands and realized what I had done . sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Hubby was back from whatever Hell Pit he was in, but still had the Hospital delirium/dementia....whatever! Didn't remember a thing about the night before. Even had some confusion about seeing grandson Ryan there. sigh!
It's Oxycodone that he has been on for the neuropathy in his legs which is a form of Percocet
Not Oxycontin.   Still a pain drug, I know. Still addictive. THX for all concerns ( you all know who ).
He refuses to eat or drink. "Why should I ( spoken resignately )  ",  one time when I told him he needed to eat and drink. . Asked him if he didn't want to get better and come home and it was a resigned " no ".  At supper time he told me to eat the shit on his tray if I thought it was so good. He ate breakfast, dinner, supper and this was his second supper and he didn't want it.  Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!  He ate No DINNER, NO SUPPER and I doubt he ate any of his breakfast, but I wasn't there.   His IV was removed because when the nurse tried to flush it,  he screamed in pain. Swore and was swinging at her.  I noticed it was in his other hand and was not where it was put the night before with the lab person saying as she finished her work, Last thing I do is sign and date it . This should be good for THREE DAYS.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm so I asked why it was moved already. The vein collapsed, I was told.    Lab person came to remove it and before she did she tried to flush it and he went through the roof again.  She told me there is only so many times you can stick a person and he was running out of veins to put it in.  sigh!

He didn't say I love you back to me when I left.  I asked him if he couldn't say those words. " Why should I", he said. Why not, I asked. No reply back. :0(  With a heavy heart I drove home.
Didn't even get in the door and someone ( George (blek) ) and Jill pulled in the driveway. She was LOADED. They stopped for Chinese food down the road after he picked her up at Logan Airport to eat and DRINK. It wasn't no time before W.B. was BACK pleading with her to love him.sigh! I had Michelle still on my bed in agony with her back that needed to be driven back home. Tracie of course was here.
Today she MUST GO to her apartment. It's livable if the leak upstairs has been fixed. Rugs need to be tacked back down as the pad under it was dried with fans. Bathroom wall buldges in one area where the water ran behind it, but that don't stop you from using the bathroom. I'd want my wall fixed though as it wasn't rented that way.  THEN my Randy comes back with his friend Debbie. He is going to PARTY. It's his birthday. At some point the light they fire pit and out comes the red cups, cokes and RUM.  Who bought it??? Randy? W.B. ????   I began to see RED.  I shit you not!  It built up and UP. By this time it was dark ( almost 9 p.m. ) and I had just called hubby to tell him goodnight and I loved him. A nurse answered his phone and said they were just giving him his meds to take. I'll eait, i told her. Then she says to me, tell him to take his meds. I said honey, take your meds for them. He yells back," I don't need you to tell me to take my meds". Next thing I know they are telling him to swallow the water and he is gagging and choking and the line goes dead.  That's when I began to lose it. I shit you not!
My fucking kids are partying ( one 54 and her soon to be 50 ) with no regard to my state of mind.
It's all about THEM and their good times.  Tracie and I hadn't eaten and I grabbed my purse and Tracie followed. Randy asked me where I was going. I can't remember what I said, but I know I spoke my mind ( well like a crazy lady ) and told them this was NOT Normal. Families don't cause more stress like they were doing to me.  Who's driving home Randy, I asked. Me, he said.  I lashed back at him that he is drinking. STRESS for me.  I was wild. The more he or she said the more I got angrier. 
Hear me again I yelled. " he dies, I'm GONE."  We no sooner pull out than Tracie says, I need to go to Bedford to my apartment for more pills.  She must have seem me slump down and said that she didn't mean to add to my stress, but she needed her medicines.  She drove, I ranted some more and the ride back to the Chinese place near me I was pretty much silent, BUT my mind wasn't. I 'm thinking that I should just go pack a bag , grab my two dogs and head to the motel in Bedford when I get home. Had one apricot brandy mixed with orange juice with the meal. 
We come home to Randy and Debbie gone and Jill coming forward to the car to say she was sorry over and over. I accepted it and told her I loved her too, but I haven't slept well along with everything else. 
Left her and the W.B. out there sitting at the fire pit.
 Around 11:30 I told Tracie I was going to bed and she left my room and went to Logan's room for the night. She is still sleeping. I got up at 6:30 and it's 9 now.
Noticed the trash hadn't been put out so I dragged the barrel with cans, the barrel with papers and the barrel with household trash out. Then went and got cokes into a cold pack for the trashmen.  Pulled a few weeds out at the mailbox and not too long later W.B. gets up.   Make my DAY!!!  Ply her with booze and you are In Like Flynn!  I shit you not!  They went to the V.A.Hospital to see him last night. WHO's car did you use was my first response to that. Mine he said.
Yepper, he was pretty much as I described.  Was seeing flys buzzing around him and swinging at them.  Saw one before I left him too and he had no Seraquill in him then.
  OH, I forgot to say that I called the hospital back as Tracie and I drove away to see how hubby was. He choked on the COLD water. Oh yeah...Does not like cold water. Room temp only...  Spit some of his pills out. She thought one was the Seraquill and the other a B/P med. Let his doctor know and they were keeping an eye on him.
This morning I have tried to call his room a few times and no answer. Called the nurses station asking to speak to his nurse and was put on hold. Held five minutes and hung up. sigh!  I know they are busy people.
Never enough hands to do the work they have to do.

Jill tells me that Logan has been miserable on this vacation in MS. Wakes up and no one home. No Julie. Just him and Erzi in the morning. Julie goes to work with dad.  FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today She, Erzi and him head for FL to her mothers. Maybe it will be better there. sigh! Not coming back home until August 2nd.  Wonder how soon it will be before they promise him the MOON and sucker him in again.

Jill is up and is dressed. W.B. is still here...I think. Would surprise me if he is not staying close by her side.   Tracie is still sleeping and no answer again in hubby's hospital room. It's 9:15 a.m.

I must force myself to do something. Shower, putter, make my bed. Whatever!!!!! 

That's All Folks!