D D Ca Ching

I can hear in my head the monies being added to a hospital bill.

My son and I took hubby to the VA Clinic here in Sarasota and on the way in he tells me to tell them his primary care doctor at the Lowell VA ordered a blood test to check his potassium level.
After this poor woman entered hubby into their computer system she made numerous calls trying to find out why she could find no records for him.
One person was off for the day, another was at lunch and another was in a meeting all afternoon.
She was getting  more and more frustrated and finally i hear her tell someone she can't get ahold of anyone to help her out and she is unable FOR SOME REASON to see an outstanding potassium level order in the computer.
It was then and there I passed the buck and told her that hubby does not always hear things correctly and maybe there is NO ORDER.
Her words, " I hope there is after all the trouble I have gone through!"
It took  more convincing from moi and she gave us directions to the VA Hospital in St.Petersburg  which was quite a distance away ( especially to visit him if he was admitted orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr we could go across the street to the E.R. at Doctors Hospital.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm An hour or better away or across the street. No Brainer there! ;0)
    We explain our reason for being there and how we would like his potassium level checked out and before I knew they whisked hubby into E.R. and told me I could come in in a few minutes.
Twenty minutes later I walk in to hubby all wired up to monitors. :0(
Next thing I knew they were taking him for a ? scan. 
Which I find out after the fact that at that time they also took chest xrays.  Ca Ching!
Like what does chest xrays have to do with anything.
We are told that the neuro doctor is at another hospital and can't see hubby until LATER and he wants him to be admitted for at least a day. :0(
If anyone could understand how confused hubby gets when he is out of his own surroundings or be a fly on the wall ...........they would know that to let hubby out of your sight was to invite TROUBLE.
Lord knows what he told them in that twenty minutes we were not allowed back there. sigh!
Even the nurse commented to herself when she picked up some paper work and read it. How strange...he came in complaining of periodic numbness going on for some time now and now he's being ADMITTED.
YEP! ADMITTED!  I shit you not!
Was it an EEG he had done up on the floor in his room or and EKG??  Little wires placed all over his head with cotton balls placed there too.  Dang! I forgot my camera.  CRAP!    Ca Ching!
He kept trying to wash the jell crap out of his hair and it was like candle wax. i shit you not!
They used a lift and weighed him. 177 pounds.
Now it is here that I will expose .................( tell all ).
When we went to North Port I brought him two sets of solid pajama bottoms that he now likes to wear  instead of jeans.  He now claims the jean material is too rough on his skin.  Okay...I'm cool with that!  Wears a pocket T shirt with them and who can tell????
With his sensation of when he has to urinate getting shorter and shorter he needs to be close to a bathroom orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. He can't get there fast enough and by the time he puts his Canadian crutches against the wall, turns around to pull his pants down a sit.....(can't stand to pee ) he had an accident two times.
WTF! I didn't know wether to shit or go blind when he hollers to me that he needs another pair of pants. :0)
Ran to my closet and grabbed a gray pair of my longer in the leg shorts with a tie waist to hand him.
He puts them on and doesn't say a thing.  Now mind you he does not wear shorts. ;0)
He gets back to where we were all sitting watching TV and I'm looking at his face as he as talking to me and all of a sudden he hollers something. I was confused and didn't understand what he said. With his next words I did! I shit you not!  Looked from his face to the floor and there were he pants on the floor and he couldn't yank them up by himself.  Was asking me to and I roared when I saw this picture with Sonny and Deb sitting behind him. Which of course wasn't a laughing matter to him. :0(
Ohhhhhhhh did I mention that nine times out of ten he doesn't want to wear underwear under his pj's.????
It is only when he is going out that he wants his underwear underneath his pajama bottoms.
   Back to the beginning of this story...... he is telling anyone he sees at this hospital that we are on a Weight Watchers diet and have him on it too and he has lost so much weight that his pants fell off him....LMFAO!
He never figred out that it was my shorts he had on.   :0)  GRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm BAD! I know it............ ;0)
He came out with some other beauties in E.R. and up in his room.
Takes pills to shrink his liver. Ahem! Takes pills to relax his bladder.
He had us laughing with some of his answers to intake questions. 
Why were you admitted.     For brain bleeds.  Ahem...numbness radiating from hand to face in up to 8 minutes in duration before it's normal.
Another answer was fluctuating heart rate.  He got that from when he was in E.R. The monitor read 140/76 and at one time went up to 185. When I questioned it as to being correct it was explained that sometimes excitement can cause his BP to fluctuate.   Personally I think the machine was whacky. 
The head nurse thought she found the reason for his problem numbness  when she saw his heart rate.
I had to bust her bubble and tell her he s always had a LOW heart rate. 50's and 40's.

Okay...long story shorter if I want to get back up to the hospital before a neurologist sees him and hears hubby's explanation of what is going on with him. I can only imagine what he will tell him.
He was telling people that his doctor in Boston asked him if he was from Scandinavia.   Ahem...of Scandinavian descent.  It appears that some of these people have an enzyme in their brain that causes bleeds.
Nope..he's Irish and Irish.
Then another person was told they want his brain when he dies to study it. Ahem...it would be an interesting study ( some words to that affect).
We left at 9:15p.m. .  Got there at 2. I emptied 2 urinals in E.R.  Did I tell you they were busy as all Hell.
They were!   People were on gurneys in the aisles around the nurses area.
Upstairs I emptied it 5 times.  Each place I had to ask for a urinal.
Where the hell did all that piss come from.!!!! Just before we left his urinal, wash basin and all those goodies were brought into his room. Upstairs they are just as busy as downstairs. I shit you not!
Private rooms on the floor he is on. Ca Ching!
Son Randy called me with more about what he was or wanted to do about my home computer while I was in E.R.   I shit you not!
WHERE'S THE CLOSEST FUNNY FARM ?????????????????????

P.S.  His potassium level is within NORMAL limits. A little low, but still within Normal limits we were told. :0)
To Be Continued!!!!

That's All Folks!