The letter taht I wrote my daughter Jill. Do I think that after reading this, she will see the error of her ways. Probably not...but it was therapy for me. While some things written here...I wish I had used different wording. IT IS WHAT IT IS!

                                                                                                                                      July10,2013

Jill,

While I would have loved to see you on your own and in a good place in your life, I've never wanted you to sell yourself short and be in a miserable relationship. Which of your own accord you have seemed to have been in over the past seven years or so with "losers", except of course with Bob and he had too much baggage in his past as a convicted sex molester. He paid for the mistake of flashing his penis at a fifteen year old friend of his daughters when he was on drugs and drinking  years ago and he is still paying. It was wise of you both to give up your good and loving relationship of five years so that Logan and Gil would not suffer the stigmatism and be ostracized for his mistake in life. I will always like the man  knew back then. Your children still think back fondly of them and Ryan even invited him to his wedding just a few years ago.
Correct me if I am wrong here. None of them, except Bob would have made you happy and provided a good home for you and your children. You talk about childhood memories that have warped your life. How about your own kids? What shit/baggage will they carry the rest of their lives seeing you falling down drunk, not to mention ( but I will ) your choice of partners that you brought into their lives. You are quick to talk about the man I loved and condemn me for your short comings in life. What about you?
Remember that I told you long ago when you first started the bar scene that" misery loves company.
Those friends are not friends." If you were to get sober they would not be able to see you in their surroundings ( the bars) and yes, they like you...as you are one of them. One of "the regulars."
How many women have been able to start drinking at noon and spend an entire day and night in a bar? Most women are home with their kids during the day or are working. You have made excuses as to why you were not working, ( telling people that you were caring for your father), which wasn't true in the beginning of your thirteen years of living with me, nor was it quite truthful at "the end" of Mike's life. You caused me so much worry and heartache  and I had "no support". I mean peace of mind as I watched him die each day and not only was that emotionally hard to do, but watching and worrying that you would kill yourself with booze and aspirin over the years was emotionally draining as well and I resent the fact that you could not/would not be my support when I needed it. Sure....you took him to the doctors appointments in Boston and you gave him some medical care from time to time and I am thankful for that, but you also didn't care about me and my emotional condition by your actions and the pain that I was going through watching him fail. I thought that I would lose my mind from the stress I was under. ..and granted...no, it wasn't just you, but some of your siblings as well that caused me grief and concern. It was a Nightmare, made worst by outside factors that should never have been. What happened to families supporting one another. Guess it's only seen on TV. Not in real life it wasn't. Not mine anyway.
I/we never asked you to give up your life for us. You were only supposed to live here until you got your divorce settlement ( as I was told by you) and of course we both know that at the end there wasn't much left after the divorce attorney got his.
What's done.... is done....This is now!
Think about every man and woman in a marriage or living arrangement that you know. How many of them have what you call "a perfect marriage?" By perfect, I'm assuming that they have no words, no trials , tribulations, no tears, just ....they lived happily ever after". In the" real world ", that don't happen. It's give and take and learning to live with what you can and can't live with. Nobody is a perfect human being. I wish I was wrong, but in my seventy six years, I haven't see or met one.

So okay...you told me yesterday that you are not going to find a man JUST as a means to support you and you have no skills to entirely support yourself. That's all well and good...as when I die my worrying about you getting by in this world will end. the moment I die. Some days, I think that's all that I have got to look forward to. Then, my hurt will end and I'm not talking about physical pain.
You talk about your pain and suffering from my choice of a life partner. If it's monetary payment that you want for your perceived pain and suffering, don't you think that I have gladly given you and what you have stolen
over these many years is enough? You stole my winnings of over 12K and gambled it away. You didn't stop there.! You continued to write checks for big amounts to gamble it away. Back then, money wasn't plentiful and it would have been nice to have been able to enjoy some of my winnings, but I never got to spend a cent of it. I could not tell Mike about what you were doing as he would have raised the roof and thrown you and the kids out. I could not bear that, so I suffered in silence as you continued to take from us ( while all the while your needs and those of your children were met by us ( and then some to this very day.) Sure, I know that gambling is an addiction and so is alcohol, but when is enough...ENOUGH? When do you take responsibility for your own actions.


To be cont.

(((hugs))

That's All Folks!