Ed reads things into things that are not even there. By which I mean, when I write I am going camping this weekend in Facebook, he takes it as I am excluding him to those that are reading my FB page. I should have said, Ed and I are going camping this weekend, so says he. Such a petty ass trivial thing like that and he gets his Mood On and frankly, it/he drives me insane. Yeah, yeah, it's important to him......I think it's chicken shit stuff. I shit you not!
You want to have a discussion, find more important shit to get upset about. Gimmee a break!!!
So that was the BIG ISSUE this weekend along with the fact that I did not want to accompany him to find a hardware store to get a plug for the water tank and would rather stay behind and unpack all the shit I packed for the weekend, food, 3 loads of clean clothes I washed dried and folded and put in the car to bring back to the motor home ....so that I could finally RELAX and enjoy the rest of my day. It was after 2p.m. for heavens sake. Come on...get over it already. Oh, I forgot one important thing. Ed doesn't like to hear the word " no". Too fucking bad! I shit you not! Actually, I said, "I'd rather not" when he asked me if I'd go with him. True, I didn't give him a reason why....nor should I have to..( so I think) in my mind. After I told him what I did while he was away, he said,I could have done those things after we got back." Like, when the Hell was I going to get to relax. Bed time???? Fuck that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, he did say he would have helped me, (he's good like that), but I wanted some alone time with no one under my feet.
SO......this is the first time we didn't kiss goodnight, etc., etc. if you get my drift. ;0) In my head I said, 'go ahead and be a baby". With his E.D. it's not much more, but I've known that and it's all good.
I woke with pain in my neck from the stress at 3 a.m. and it continued through the day. Got some Ibuprofin at the Dollar Store on a jaunt I agreed to go on to look at hummingbird feeders ( that he saw in the hardware store the day before when he was by himself. His MOOD had lifted by then, but it remained in my head and still is there....wondering what and when will trigger the next time. :0(
Myrt ( short for Myrtle his deceased wife ) never said the word "no" to him. I on the other hand AM NOT MYRT! In talking to his oldest, I know it's not because she always was in agreement with him, it was easier than putting up with the MOODS. (He thinks it's because she loved him and always wanted to do what he said when he said it. ) I could give some instances that I think she might have liked to refuse him, but I can only speak for myself. Like rise and make breakfast at 4a.m. cause he can't sleep. He knows ( after a MOOD)(that didn't work out in his favor) that I won't rise til at least 5 and even at that hour, I'm conceding.
NOW, maybe if I was younger...I'd do the same as Myrt did.. I sure as shit put up with far more from my husbands. far, far more( and worst), but damn it, I don't have to any more!
IF it means being alone...so be it! I love lovemaking ( such as it is)) , but hey, it's not like I've never had it GOOD. Ed keeps saying that Mike is a hard act to follow and in that regard, he'd be right. Even on his best day. He admits he never thought about foreplay and how his wife enjoyed the sex act, he only thought of himself. Poor Myrt. Now he is trying to be a better lover and that's good...FOR ME. He says, he simply never thought of her enjoying it. I believe him.
Ed is entitled to think what he thinks of my saying "no" to him and I am entitled to say no when I don't feel like doing something. No longer am I going to be some ones shadow/puppet and a shell of myself.
He is so, so, so, so, worried that the honeymoon stage of our relationship will end and in doing so, he is unconsciously ending it. :0(
Last week the "issue" was equally as small, but it was then that I told him I wanted to spend time at my own home. Like Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. This week on those days , I will be home.
I NEED SPACE and Ed thinks (his perogative) that people in love want to be together all the time. Could be....cause I remember those olden days and while I did feel like that, husbands worked and you were not together 24/7. Regardless of who is right.....it's what I feel I need to do.
Yesterday morning he was all set at 5 a.m. to go out and eat breakfast. I'm thinking "where in the hell is he going to find a place open at this hour" and he must have had second thoughts himself.
The coffee was ready and he accepted a cup, but when asked later....he didn't feel like eating. SO! I cut myself a nice big slice of the banana bread that I had made while he was off water heater plug hunting. In my head I'm thinking...go ahead and cut your nose off to spite your face.
I'm not playing games at my age.
Okay, tell me if you think I am being foolish/stupid or whatever other name you'd like to insert there.
So he got over his mood by lunch and decided when we took off for the H.B. feeder that he would still open the door for me and buckle me in (like he always has) , but feels once the honeymoon is over it will cease to be. Again, I may sound flippant here, but Ohhhhhhhhhhh wellllllllll.
Ed's definition of "love" is giving of yourself.
All fine and dandy, mine too.... but to what extent? Giving up who you are ?
Do I always have to give up what I am all about just to make the other person happy? Keep the peace in other words. That's what I've always done and quite frankly, I'm tired of doing that or I just don't love him like I should. Me thinks...it's the latter. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ever since the FIRST MOOD appeared early on, I have been cautious as I don't want to fall into the same trap like I've done before, in the name of "love."
Nope...not kissing anyone's ass in order to have a man in my life. Don't want or expect Ed to give up what he is all about either. There are plenty of women out there that will take him as he is. He's a good man. I might regret things later on and if so, I'll have to live with it. Maybe I'm looking for The Impossible. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BUT, I know what I want!
Today I didn't write a thing on Facebook, which is unlike me. If I did make any comment, it would begin with ..."Me, Myself and I" , so I'll keep my mouth zipped/fingers tied..... for today.
I'm trying real hard to not comment on things we pass by on the road as I have got the lecture/discussion too many times that he has his eyes trained on the road while he drives. Boo Booed again today when I saw a pool that the side had given out on. Forty lashes for moi!
We rose shortly after 5 a.m. today and he asked me out to breakfast. Same place as he intended to go yesterday morning. After I showered we headed out the 5 miles or more and lo and behold. CLOSED. CLOSED at the hour of 6 a.m. ??? Hour they open is 7 a.m. every day of the week. Wonder if he gave it any thought that he had intended to go there the day before at 5:15 a.m. I DID! Kept my mouth shut. Do I get an Award. ;0)
The night before his glasses frame broke, so from 9 to almost noon we traveled here there and everywhere within 25 miles looking for a place to fix them. The Walmart nearest here didn't have an eye glass place yet. They are in the process of expanding and WILL. Didn't help us today. :0(
Many more miles later we found a Target and they didn't have an optometrist there either. WE put Gorilla tape on them to hold them together until Monday when he can get to the Walmart near him.
I made us lunch at noon. He admitted he was a virgin at grilling ( Myrt use to do it), but he did just fine with the piece of steak. It was edible. Edible in the fact that he didn't burn it nor did it taste freezer burn. It was in his freezer for lord knows how long( I've been with him 9 months so it's older than that :0( ) and I slapped a marinade in the non freezer bag ( apparently he doesn't know that there is a difference in storage bags) and let it defrost in the fridge we have here. :0) I'm eating peanut butter that expired in August of 2008 and he has two more jars just like it. If Armegedon comes, please feel free to come to his house and take it. ;0)
Came in and cleaned up. He offered to do the dishes, but I chose to do them and warm up a bit at the same time, plus visit with you.
Thinking I should go back outside to re-join him around the camp fire he built. He builds one every day, but usually it's too cold and windy for me to sit outside long. Today it's 70 here ( not in the shade) but there is no wind. Mosquitos there are plenty of. Can't have it all when you are in the woods. I shit you not!
(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!
p.s. He said he had a headache at 6:1p.m. 5 and went to bed. The glasses are not sitting right on his face.
Won't take an aspirin for it. I offered up the ones I bought yesterday. Never has taken an aspirin and doesn't like to put that stuff in his body. Oh welllllllllllllllll, I tried.
Me...I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing, which isn't going to bed. I shit you not!
