A week ago Tuesday Ed and I were at my house for a few days and it came to me to search online for an AA Meeting nearby. Found one a town away and around 5 p.m. I approached my daughter Jill and asked her if she would go to an AA meeting with Ed and I. "Why not" she said. I almost fell over. I shit you not! When we left to go I noticed that my grandson Gil was going with us.......EVEN BETTER! Jill leaned forward in her seat and was listening to the speakers every word. Two women were amongst the speakers, ( roughly her age ) and their stories were sad. Lost their kids, marriage, jobs.
On the drive home, I heard her say to Gil, "I can't promise that I won't have another drink." When I make promises, I keep them and I want to be able to have a drink sometimes."
Folks...I've learned that it don't work that way. You can't have "a drink" or even "one drink" , if you have crossed the line and Jill has definitely crossed the line. She won't admit that she is an alcoholic, but I'll tell you and I've told her...she is!
I mentioned before that Ed is a recovering alcoholic ( his words ) and his new birthday is July 15th and he will be 28 on that day.
He has tried to talk to her ( gently). Until she admits to herself that she has a problem....there is nothing we can do. :0(
Wednesday I asked her if she'd go to the AA meeting in our town with us. She chose to watch the Bruins game. :0(
Comes along this week and Ed and I go to my house for four days. Monday thru Thursday. Jill read in the newspaper about a woman with a son with a drug problem that was going to speak on tv that day and she watched it and learned of a meeting. Tuesday she went to a meeting and stayed late to learn how to (and received ) Narcon to help save Gil's life if she should see him in the state she has seen him in before.
Wednesday she went to another meeting, forgoing the first game of the series( Bruins/Blackhawks)
Tuesday Gil was able to get ahold of some kind of drug and was HIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Eat, eat, eat..........................................Stayed up all night. Of course none of us did, but at different times when we had to use the facilities we saw his bedroom light on and the tv going. It's the same old pattern that his mother has come to know. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Wednesday night he CRASHEDDDDDDDDDDDD around 10 p.m. and this morning he was in a hot tub of water early in the a.m. to try to ease the pain in his legs that occurs when he is coming down off of whatever drug he takes. I hear the pains in his legs are excruciating and yet.... he choses to repeat this pattern over and over again. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bottom line, Jill is trying to save her son and not herself. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The speaker last night is a recovering addict that has opened up his own treatment facility and he told the parents that unless their kids were serious about quitting drugs he couldn't help them and neither could they. No program works unless they are serious about quitting drugs.
His program isn't cheap, but you would be throwing your money away if it is YOU that has them admitted to his program.
More time has passed since I began this.
If anything, I'm more depressed. It seems that grandson Gil figured out his mother's password for the ATM card she got for my account with her name on it and has taken monies. Enough to get the account below $100 and I am charged a $10 maintenance fee. I am sick!
When confronted, it's deny, deny, deny. He sounds so damn convincing that I question myself as to if I believe Him or Her. Was it Him....was it Her that made all those ATM withdrawals???
Do I really want to know???
I've heard from son Randy that she has a Keno problem.....................so that makes me wonder.........
I'm ashamed that I didn't check on my checking account as I had the means to on the Internet. Problem is...I trust too much. Who wants to think that their child or any blood relative would do them wrong.
I no sooner stepped in my front door Monday when she asked me if I would write her a check for $200. I did...she left...I went online to satisfy my suspicion. Ashamed to admit that it took me to Tuesday night to confront. Still...I really don't know the truth.
She says....."I need to build up the strength to throw him out."
I do not understand that........
I see on the calendar at home that she is attending a Learn to Cope program 2 days a week.
Must be that one she attended that I mentioned up above.
SO...I'm heartsick ......embarrassed and ashamed to admit all the above to you....
I'm angry that at this stage of my life I have THIS SHIT in my life and it's dragging me down.
Until I feel better ( which means DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT..... I'll not burden you with this crap.
Someday....maybe...I'll wake up and put a stop to this shit, but....like my daughter, I need to build up the strength orrrrrrrr....I have no gumption. I don't like myself. I shit you not!
Some brightness.....grandson Logan ( as you might remember moved to his dads a few months ago ) just found out he was accepted in an exclusive program/school ??? made up of 50 students. :0)
Maybe...just maybe "The Village" raised this 14 year old up to succeed in life.
He gave me 13 years of happiness in watching him grow and I wouldn't have traded that time for the world! I shit you not!
(((hugs)))
That's All Folks!
I AM WOMAN! Hear me ROAR! February 2012
WARNING !! Not for those with a short attention span. ; 0 )
