D D I just knew

   it couldn't last.............My nerves !     Jill went off soon after noon today... Came in like she was being chased 10  minutes or so ago.   Yelling ....Tracie here...Marty is going to kill her. ( he's her older brother)
I was on the phone with Tracie. She had called to see if I would like to go for an ice cream.  Declined and said another time. Told me she was running into a store to buy Powerball tickets and asked if I had them. No. Please get me $5 and I'll be waiting outside to pay you.  Moi thought she would head her off at the pass in doing so. LOL
Hubby asked Jill why Marty was angry with Tracie and she claimed she didn't know.
Heard her tell hubby she was down the Moose with Marty. He is drunk and she gave him a ride home. Marty lost his license for the 3rd or 4th time almost 2 years ago and had to wear a leg bracelet for a year. His drivers license was taken away and he probably will never get it back.
I knew she was at the Moose. We pass it going and coming from the OutBack. Wasn't there when we went , but was on the return ride home.
So let's see...... 4ish.....now 9.  Lots of drinking time.
Get five dollars from my wallet and head to the front door.  My car is GONE.  Somebody must have taken her car keys and they both got a ride here.  He lives in his grandparents house just around the corner.
She had to know Tracie wasn't here because her car isn't in her mom's driveway.
It was some kind of ploy to confuse me, I think . Hubby said when she went in her room and closed the door she said she was staying in for the night.  Bad idea it was of mine when we remodeled this house to put a door in that room.  sigh! 
   Was in a terrible house fire when I was 7 ... If I smell smoke I go crazy until the source is found. From room to room to room I run with my anxiety level rising higher and higher.
I do not like those outdoor firepits for that reason.     We have one too.
My dad was drunk and purposely burned our house down. Mom had to put me out an upstairs window and I remember clinging to the window frame. My dad had kicked the porch screen in and I could see his hands but was fearful he wouldn't catch me. Mom had to pry my hands loose as I had a sister and 2 brothers she had to get out still.
There isn't much I don't remember about that night after being wakened by my mother and hearing and seeing her panic.
 Mom almost died.
The flames were coming out the parlor window onto the porch and she was calling her dog Ginger. Still can hear it whining.  There was an kerosene oil drum on the porch right outside that window that was going to explode and she was on the porch roof just above it. My dad was yelling at her get down and as soon as she did , it exploded.  It was a cottage and we used kerosene oil in our Florence stove...the kind with those tongs you use to lift up the burner plates and a heater in it on one end.
Hopefully her dog Ginger was overcome by the smoke.  All that was left was a hole in the ground.
Dad bought the cottage next door to it a few months later. We lived there until he decided to load us up in the car with pretty much with just the clothes on our backs and head to CA in 1949 or 1950.
2 adults, 4 kids, 1 dog in a 4 door ? A paper bag each of our clothing we packed and our TV in the trunk.
Was exciting back then..............looking back , it's never something I would consider in my wildest dreams.
MA to CA over 3 thousand miles away. No job promise.  Dad was unpredictable almost right up until he died. After mom died he'd give no notice. One day would pack his car and head to this state or that state to meet someone he was corresponding with in a Lonely Hearts Club. Out of the blue he would return here with some wild stories. If he wasn't doing that he would head to FL to see my brother or rent a trailer for a few months.  What he aquired to live comfortably . what didn't fit in his car when he was ready to hit the trail again...he left behind.  Ironing board, hamper...that kind of stuff.
We moved ALOT as kids ..and he wasn't in the service.. I shit you not!
How do I get on these subjects that drag me down.  Oh ...that door in Jill's room. It's off the kitchen and I wanted an escape route if the kitchen caught fire.

Called her cell phone..No answer...just what I expected. Left her a message demanding to know where my car is. Tracie told me she saw Jill's car and Butchie's truck at the Moose on her way back from getting the lottery tickets. Butchie has taken her car keys in the past...more than one time. That gets him on her Shit List for a few days... can hear her now, " Butchie, the hero", repeated over and over in her drunken slur.
   Not going to be easy to sleep with or without the upper arm pain with her out driving drunk.
Took some Myocalm ( muscle relaxant )...tried to find answers on the computer to this pain. Lots of reading, but nothing so far that pertained to my particular symptoms.

  Going to try to calm down.  It's almost 10 p.m.

Sunday.   The tv was turned off at 11.  Checked the driveway one last time before getting under the light cover. No cars.
This morning checked again. My car was there. Hers wasn't.  Her bedroom door is open and empty...either out in the trailer orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ????
I hear Lady barking like she spies a live body....could be her coming in her bedroom door.
Butchie looking for Jill.   Took a spark plug out of her car last night so she couldn't drive it as she had too much to drink. HE gave her and Marty a ride home.  Told him to look out in the trailer for her.
Just took a peek outside. His truck is gone. One of four things.   She wasn't out there....she was and they left to go get her car....she wouldn't unlock the door for him...or she never spent the night at this address.
 So much for SHE drove Marty home.  Drunks think they are so clever and cunning.  Makes me want to puke.
Either I am getting use to these episodes of her driving drunk or I was dead tired..  Took the phone off the hook so that a call from the police station could not get through and fell asleep fairly quickly.
If she gets locked up for drunk driving it won't be me that is bailing her out.
If it's an emergency......hubby having a police scanner...have found out the police will come to your door to give you the news.
Too many nights have been spent seething and worrying.
   Need to begin the macaroni salad after I finish my coffee. 8:13 a.m. Hubby has drank his juice and coffee and hasn't turned the tv on yet.  That's unusual.....silence, birds chirping sounds..... like it.
The squirrel was very vocal when I opened it's cage earlier.   Did not want to go back in either.
   Michael kid#8 just called looking to borrow lawn chairs for his cookout. Maybe we can fit a few folding chairs in...definately not lawn chairs.
   Hubby just said, " too quiet around here" and proceeded to hit the tv remote button.
The volume .........makes me want to vacate this room.....so either I ask nicely to have it turned down and may or may not get yelled at orrrrrrrrr I go make the macaronit salad. 
He's hard of hearing, but won't admit it.         9 a.m
That's All Folks!